Of Growing Up .... And Still Not Wanting To Grow Up!

If it weren't for cockroaches, I'd choose to retire in a beach house. 

On our recent trip to Thailand, The Husband and I were talking about where we'd like to build our retirement home. He picked icy mountains and me, the beach. What began as a harmless discussion soon avalanched into a heated discussion of where the retirement house actually would be. There's nothing that spells 3 years of marriage as much as these avalanched arguments do! Very soon there were defenses flying in from both ends, memories being brought alive from previous trips to the mountains and the beaches, each one wanting a desperate one-up against the other and then when all tricks were exhausted, The Husband came up with the last standing nuke in his arsenal - the C bomb!

"There'd be cockroaches all over your beach house, by the way.", he smiled. "It's a tropical country problem", he continued. It was just the morning after we were attacked by a huge cockroach in our hotel room and after scaring me, hid somewhere in the room, not to be found, leaving me to sleep completely covered under the blanket, lest the big brown monster attacked me in my sleep. And this won The Husband the retirement home. 

And I gave him the nastiest stare I could manage. He was right. He knew it and I knew it. He burst out laughing and I conceded to the mountain home, albeit one that overlooks the sea!  Yes, castles of Scotland would be apt, I know. We're open to accepting donations for our retirement home. PayTM accepted happily. Heck, if you really want to donate, I'll even accept the old 500/1000 notes!

It's just funny how some things don't change even when you grow up. 

Just like how I still need to show my ID proof even at 28! There was a time, when I really wished people stopped asking for my ID proof. It was embarrassing enough to be stopped at a casino at 24 when my 16 year old cousins would waltz past me, roaring with laughter. I even thought that there might be a police raid at my wedding and my Dad would have to show my birth certificate to prove the marriage is between legal aged people! Thankfully none of this melodrama happened at the wedding. So, digressions apart, from 24, an age, where one really wants be considered older than what they are, you suddenly cross the invisibly scary Quarter Life Crisis Line of 25 and all hell breaks loose. Till this line, all marketers are making a bee-line to woo you. After crossing this line, its all anti-aging creams and hair color brands promising 100% gray coverage chasing you. Yes, so you're in this why-did-I-grow-up/I-still-want-to-be-18/24 zone and a bouncer outside a pub asks you for your ID proof and you feel 18 all over again! Your happiness will know no bounds. This bouncer would have made your day with just one line - that you still look 18 or younger! So all the anger you had on all the bouncers who'd previously asked you for an ID proof vanishes in a minute and you have new found positive feeling towards them!

As for people who're wondering about the kind of brands behind women nearing 30 and 3 years married, please have a look at the pic below. 

Yes, showing are-you-pregnant/are-you-wanting-to-get-pregnant ads are so passe. Thank you Google, for acting like a nosy relative!

It's all a part of growing up, I guess. But as we're growing up, I feel society's evolving in reverse. No, I'm not referring to the kinds of ads shown to me, I'm over it. I'm referring to chat conversations of today, where words have been so easily replaced with emojis. Especially when The Husband does that, when what you're really expecting is a nice 3 paragraph reply and all you get is a smile smiley. It drives you nuts! I mean come on, how difficult is it to type, we don't even have the press-thrice-for-a-letter Nokia phones anymore! Our ancestors took millions of years to evolve from cave paintings to words and language, and we've so easily evolved back to cave paintings in a conversations via emojis! I think all husbands should definitely stop using them. Immediately. For Evolution's sake, if not their wives. I hardly think Husbands would do it for Evolution too, maybe if they got Dhoni's captaincy back in return, they'd do it! Men, phew!

This was my small bit to humankind and Evolution, this return to blogging. Hoping to seeing you'll more often :)

Let me know what you think!

P.S - sent the link to The Husband for what he thought of the new post. Guess what I got as a reply? Yes, a smiley 😊. There's no hope left for Humankind. Evolution in Reverse has begun!

Nails!!!

It's one of those unusual times when my sister is wondering if she's dreaming.... because I have a nail cutter in my hand.... to cut my own nails, that too voluntarily, without any 24 hours ultimatums from Mom to cut my nails, lest they be cut by her when I'm sleeping!! I hate this! I hate my life! Why do your nails grow so beautifully till one day, and the very next day after someone's appreciated them, do they have to chip.... right where your skin's attached to it...making you go through excruciating pain while cutting it.... both physical and emotional?!? Just like the emotional trauma I feel now, when I can't absolutely say that I love Irfan Pathan.... only because Edward Cullen flashes in front of my eyes. Why God, why? Why me?? Below is a picture of my nails....before I cut them! I'm sorry if it scares the faint hearted.... it always scares my sis!!

 

I don't get why my family hates my nails? I've even stopped scratching my sister (after of course she bled a lot many times!!) but then nails are my only defense mechanism , given that my punches/slaps/kicks don't hurt people. They don't even hurt mosquitoes, if I were to hurt them...!! So, now till 2 months, irritate me as much as you want.. I'm defenseless!! There are a lot many disadvantages of having nails though....like not being able to open jars, drawers etc... but, you've always had the physical strength of a 2 day old, so no one expected you to be able to open these any ways! The other disadvantage that has people concluding that you're in a relationship and you've gone all the way only because you're covered in bruises and scratches every morning! They don't even have the patience to have a look at your nails....!! I always get suspicious glances from my Mom....!! She seriously needs to look at other kids to know what a Tulsi I am!!

I've also stopped doing something that's again gonna shock my family beyond imagination.... I've decided to finally stop advicing people and playing Cupid.... I have to admit that I've lost my touch.... my advices don't work anymore! I guess the human race has evolved a lot after I did my psychoanalysis on it to have a better knowledge of both the sexes!! Jokes apart, I really don't understand why do the love stories I REALLY want to work out don't.... and the ones I'm... well... not so desperate about them working out.... work...and they work like hell!!! They don't even deserve it!! So, now after seeing the heartbreak of someone whom I didn't want to see in that way ever, I've finally taken the call on not playing Cupid ever!!! My friends will have to find a new Hitch for themselves! So, now, I'll have to be happy by having only one love story to boast about. The only love story that worked because of me and leave alone being grateful, people don't even remember things, otherwise they could've given 10 minutes of listening for the 3 years of their relationship that's working!! Anyways, I was wondering if I could put this on my resume....Playing Cupid.... may work, what do you think?

 

I think I'm on my way of getting over Edward Cullen! Finally!! But, I still remember how my face lift up when a friend asked me who's Edward Cullen!! Seriously, this guy, Edward is something! I just can't get over him!! And he even makes appearances in my dreams and give a lot of laughing matter for my friends! I was so depressed last week, when the W key got off from my keyboard.... and I couldn't write EdWard without a W! My keyboard reminds me that I underestimate myself a lot... I'm not technologically dyslexic that I thought I was.... for I can get my printer software working even when the computer walla failed....!! I seriously can teach these computer engineers a thing or two! So now, I've got one more thing to brag about!

 

P.S 1: I hate Dhoni.

 

P.S 2: Please listen to the song Lion by Rebecca St-James. It is from Chronicles of Narnia. Although it's from this movie, it really suits the Twilight thing... Especially Edward..... he's THE LION any lamb wouldn't mind falling in love with!! Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is an angel.

One Free Sunday... Please!!

I hate Paulo Coelho more than I hate the bitch who ruined my life in junior college. What was he thinking when he said, " When you want something, entire universe conspires to give it to you". I mean what was he in? K-Jo movie? Where everything is perfect? According to my Anti-Paulo Coelho theory, I have stated, "When you wnat something, entire universe conspires to give you everything but IT"! I mean it's so damned true.

On Saturday... on the eve of IIFT exam, my last exam on a Sunday, I thought, that finally next week, next Sunday, I'll hav the first free Sunday after 18 May when I can get up at 11, laze around the entire day.. watch dumb movies, and be online the whole day.... I was looking forward to my FIRST FREE SUNDAY where I wouldn't be giving an exam or checking results, or mentally appraising percentiles and city ranks....but alas.... Mr. Universe had other plans! My classes had to start mock CETs. Can't they give one free Sunday?? Just ONE?!? I came from IIFT exam at 12...and then went to give CET at 1.30. What a day! Two exams in one day... trust me ...both sucked, BTW!! This is when I feel that Paulo Coelho was mistaken. Terribly mistaken.

Now, I really have begun to hate Dhoni. I mean why on earth doesn't he want Irfan to come back? Every player has his ups and downs... as a captain you gotta give them a chance. Dhoni, if you could give others a chance.. why not Irfan... ?? After all, it was the added batting pressure that killed Irfan the bowler. Get Irfan back... or else I'll start an online petition... don't laugh..I'm serious.. it's been ages since I saw him in the Team Blues! Get Irfan Back!!

Yeah we seem to be winning this 22-22 match!! Yipee!!! India can make the series 4-0 now!! Yay!!

Match in the stadium....!

Yeah yeah I know this should've come earlier but I was suffering from a massive writer's block so I'm writing about it now! Well I had gone for the Mumbai-Chennai match at Wankhede on the 14th of this month, ofcourse at the behest of my Dhoni crazy friend Aanchal!

Mobile phones were not allowed so we had no other option to smuggle them via our socks and shoes, this did generate marvel from some of the guys at the stadium! But what was the use of carrying phones when nobody clicked pics(mine, to be more specific!) We were in the West stand and the only two players whom we could see were Bravo and Gony (Aanchal was going crazy at the mere sight...{hindsight} of Gony) The match was ok, I mean it was prety much a one sided affair. Had I know that the Punjab Mumbai match was going to go down to the last ball, I'd have never let them force me into the Mum-Chen match! And yeah to top it all, Irfan was fielding near the West stand, so all the oppurtunnity I had in life to see him LIVE went down the Arabian sea! My heart still cries silenty at night thinking of having missed to see Irfan, who'd have been so clear otherwise! So am just being hopeful that I get to see him again!God please....!!
The atmosphere was so electrifying right from the minute we enteredd in... the beating of the drums, the flurrying of the Mumbai Indians flag(yeah I know I thought I'd never support them, but one evening is ok na!!) It was so magical..... it makes me want to marry a cricketer!! Irfan, are you listening?!!?

But the worst part about watching matches in a stadium is ofcourse the stink from people's sweat but the biggest problem is the seat! Damn they hurt! Especially to people who have a non existent ass! Guess people at Wankhede havent heard about "cushioned" seats! One more irritating thing was the presence of just one gate(I think there was just one, looking at the crowd that was gathered near the gate!) for exit.... it so seemed like Jallianwala Bagh.... Thank God there was no Gen.Dyer!

All in all it was a fun filled evening, I danced, sang "ala re", cheered Sachin for the first time in my life, shouted in Aanchal's ears when Chennai started losing, passed comments on the players, did everything and it was fun even though it wasn't a Punjab match,..... Loved it!! What we did after the match at Hetvi's place is well...hmm.... you should better ask the poor poeple whom we called at 5.30 in the morning to find out if they had heard of Kalamati, the chudail who snatches and drinks milk from your dudhwala, making you pay the milk bills later on! Sorry Abhishek, Jay, Ankita and Ankit... it was really sweet of you to pick the phone atleast at that unearthly hour!

MSD For PM 2009!!!

Keeping up with the IPL fever, I decided to dedicate this write up on IPL. And by gauging the response that I normally get when I talk about Cricket (Read:Irfan Pathan and Brett Lee!!!) I decided to go in for some aberrations!!

Well the people who know me will vouch for the fact that MSD isn't a player I'd cheer for, but yet he has something in him that is compelling me to write on him. He never appealed to me... not of all his blonde coloured mane, which he had when he first arrived on the circuit. The blitzkrieg 183 made me feel like asking the Govt. for a national holiday!

But really appealed to me was his natural ability to lead... It came so effortlessly to him! I'm sure his calm-as-a-silent-ocean demeanour will be stuff that people emulate. The fact that he goes by his instincts just adds to his rustic appeal. Of course those who say "Fortune favours the brave" haven't been just gaffing! He backs his team and has faith in them and stands up for them a la Sourav Ganguly. And the fact that he doesn't mince words is his best quality.... He wanted no seniors,he had it. They said he wouldn't get the T20 World Cup, after all how can he when the team with the seniors failed, how would the inexperienced "young" side get it? He maintained a dignified silence and let the Cup that he got back home do the talking! Not bad, I must say! The ability to keep his cool and to be able to THINK in crunch situations is gifted and MSD has it along with the flamboyance of a leader!

The main reason why I admire MSD is not for all the aforesaid things, but just one thing.... the ability to give it back to people and not take any bullshit from them! Remember the post match speech to Ravi Shastri after lifting the WC.... that's the thing that I look in people.... to be able to be politically incorrect, but in style! How I wish MSD succeeded Dr.Singh as the PM, I'm sure id this happens India will be a global power by 2010 and not the expected 2020, just like his style to finish of things fast! (There won't be a lacuna in the team with his departure, Irfan, I'm sure will be a worthy successor!!!!)

P.S: Aanchal, this is your wedding gift!! Don't expect anything materialistic from me on YOUR DAY as I believe in giving personalised gifts as such....!!!