Of Growing Up .... And Still Not Wanting To Grow Up!

If it weren't for cockroaches, I'd choose to retire in a beach house. 

On our recent trip to Thailand, The Husband and I were talking about where we'd like to build our retirement home. He picked icy mountains and me, the beach. What began as a harmless discussion soon avalanched into a heated discussion of where the retirement house actually would be. There's nothing that spells 3 years of marriage as much as these avalanched arguments do! Very soon there were defenses flying in from both ends, memories being brought alive from previous trips to the mountains and the beaches, each one wanting a desperate one-up against the other and then when all tricks were exhausted, The Husband came up with the last standing nuke in his arsenal - the C bomb!

"There'd be cockroaches all over your beach house, by the way.", he smiled. "It's a tropical country problem", he continued. It was just the morning after we were attacked by a huge cockroach in our hotel room and after scaring me, hid somewhere in the room, not to be found, leaving me to sleep completely covered under the blanket, lest the big brown monster attacked me in my sleep. And this won The Husband the retirement home. 

And I gave him the nastiest stare I could manage. He was right. He knew it and I knew it. He burst out laughing and I conceded to the mountain home, albeit one that overlooks the sea!  Yes, castles of Scotland would be apt, I know. We're open to accepting donations for our retirement home. PayTM accepted happily. Heck, if you really want to donate, I'll even accept the old 500/1000 notes!

It's just funny how some things don't change even when you grow up. 

Just like how I still need to show my ID proof even at 28! There was a time, when I really wished people stopped asking for my ID proof. It was embarrassing enough to be stopped at a casino at 24 when my 16 year old cousins would waltz past me, roaring with laughter. I even thought that there might be a police raid at my wedding and my Dad would have to show my birth certificate to prove the marriage is between legal aged people! Thankfully none of this melodrama happened at the wedding. So, digressions apart, from 24, an age, where one really wants be considered older than what they are, you suddenly cross the invisibly scary Quarter Life Crisis Line of 25 and all hell breaks loose. Till this line, all marketers are making a bee-line to woo you. After crossing this line, its all anti-aging creams and hair color brands promising 100% gray coverage chasing you. Yes, so you're in this why-did-I-grow-up/I-still-want-to-be-18/24 zone and a bouncer outside a pub asks you for your ID proof and you feel 18 all over again! Your happiness will know no bounds. This bouncer would have made your day with just one line - that you still look 18 or younger! So all the anger you had on all the bouncers who'd previously asked you for an ID proof vanishes in a minute and you have new found positive feeling towards them!

As for people who're wondering about the kind of brands behind women nearing 30 and 3 years married, please have a look at the pic below. 

Yes, showing are-you-pregnant/are-you-wanting-to-get-pregnant ads are so passe. Thank you Google, for acting like a nosy relative!

It's all a part of growing up, I guess. But as we're growing up, I feel society's evolving in reverse. No, I'm not referring to the kinds of ads shown to me, I'm over it. I'm referring to chat conversations of today, where words have been so easily replaced with emojis. Especially when The Husband does that, when what you're really expecting is a nice 3 paragraph reply and all you get is a smile smiley. It drives you nuts! I mean come on, how difficult is it to type, we don't even have the press-thrice-for-a-letter Nokia phones anymore! Our ancestors took millions of years to evolve from cave paintings to words and language, and we've so easily evolved back to cave paintings in a conversations via emojis! I think all husbands should definitely stop using them. Immediately. For Evolution's sake, if not their wives. I hardly think Husbands would do it for Evolution too, maybe if they got Dhoni's captaincy back in return, they'd do it! Men, phew!

This was my small bit to humankind and Evolution, this return to blogging. Hoping to seeing you'll more often :)

Let me know what you think!

P.S - sent the link to The Husband for what he thought of the new post. Guess what I got as a reply? Yes, a smiley 😊. There's no hope left for Humankind. Evolution in Reverse has begun!

Of Growing Up and .... Getting Married

You're growing old and looking for prospective grooms/about to get married/frustrated with your friend's changed relationship status and couple pics. That's a fact.

But it doesn't hit you when you shift your cribbing focus from men (this cribbing topic is for keeps for life, age no bar!) to the meaninglessness of life. Doesn't hit you when it's been years since you completed your post graduation. Doesn't even hit you when your classmates get married, have babies. Doesn't hit you when people whom you once cribbed about men to, are getting married. Doesn't even hit when you're own best buds tell you they're getting married. This in fact gets you more excited about life! It doesn't hit when you're busy getting wasted at her bachelorette party. Doesn't hit when you're getting engaged yourself. You think it'll hit you when the time comes for you to act like a daughter in law along with being a daughter and balance both, it doesn't hit you even then. You know you're growing old but it just plain refuses to sink in.

Then one day your Dad comes home with overpriced mangoes and tells your mom to feed you 4 mangoes a day because this is your last mango season at home and it hits you. More potent than a neat vodka shot. That you're getting married ... You're not getting old, but have actually become old.

You ask your best friend a week before her wedding what she's doing and she says she's packing. And you count the days left for you to start packing 24 years of your life in a few suitcases and move on to call another house as your own.

And all we wanted to do when we were young, playing with and getting our Barbies married, was to grow up and get married! And now when we are, it refuses to sink it, it's difficult to let go...

The heroine of my blog is getting married next week to be the heroine of someone else's life. Aanchal, wish you a lifetime and beyond of happiness. And P.S, barring a few days when I couldn't make it for your sangeet's dance practice, we successfully averted Bride Wars!

The 'Mumbai Spirit' - A Short Story - Part I

Part I

26^th Nov 2007

“Where are we going?”, I asked Abeer. We got engaged 7 months back, after seeing each other for 5 years. We were going to get married in another 20 days. “When can I open my blindfold?”  I asked him, fidgeting with the blindfold over my eyes”

“In some time. Just stop fidgeting and stay still”, he said, as he held my hand and led me somewhere.

“Why can’t you just tell me what my surprise is? Why all this? But what is my surprise, tell me no”, I said. It was our 5^th anniversary.

“If you’re going to keep on asking such irrelevant and redundant questions even after marriage, then I have some serious rethinking to do”

“How is asking what my surprise gift is on my anniversary an irrelevant question?”, I argued back

“Aaaarooohiii…the only way I can shut you up is this…..” he stopped, lifted me in his arms, kissed me on the lips and started walking again.

After a while, he stopped and put me down. Then it seemed like he was opening a door with some keys. He got me in. All this while I was wondering where on Earth he had got me in the name of our 5^th Anniversary celebration. He opened my blindfold and I after a couple of moments of disorientation, I realised we were in his living room standing by a table with a real big, fat candle which was lit in an otherwise completely dark room.

“This is your gift”, he said with the widest smile he could manage.

“A candle?”, I asked, perplexed, flustered and angry. I was blindfolded to be given a candle!

“No! This is your gift….” He said, taking my right hand in his and started walking around the table ahead of me. “I promise to always provide for you….”, he said, looking directly into my eyes. It was then when I realised what my actual surprise was!

“Your wish would be my command”, he said, taking a second round. When he saw my eyes sparkle, he added, “Only the reasonable and affordable ones!”

“I promise to be with you in sickness and in health”, he said, taking a third round

“I promise to always be faithful and loyal to you”, we took the fourth round

“I will always be supportive of you, in whatever you do” we took the fifth round

“I will be with you till death do us part”, we took the sixth round

“And when death comes, it will have to go through me to get to you” and with that we finished taking seven rounds of the table.

“No, death will have to go through me to get to you”,I said with tears in my eyes.

“Shut up. These were my vows, so my wish” he said. “Anyways, there’s more. I take you, Aarohi Sharma as my lawfully wedded wife. Do you take me as your lawfully wedded husband?”

“Obviously I do!!!!”, I shouted excitedly.

“Can the groom kiss the bride now?”

“We’re married now!!! You don’t need to ask for permission anymore”, I winked.

“Not that I used to ask for it earlier also, but still”, he said and we kissed for the first time as man and wife.

And that day, my love for him multiplied manifolds. I remember, after we got engaged when our parents sat down to finalise a date for our wedding, I wanted it to happen on 26^th Nov, which is our anniversary  day but we couldn’t find a decent place to get married as all of them were booked, so the fixed date was 16^th December. But, looking at my dejected face, Abeer had promised that we would get married on 26^th Nov and we did!! I had completely forgotten about it, but he hadn’t.

26^th Nov 2008

It was our first wedding anniversary (between us, we always maintained that we got married on the 26^th and not on the 16^th) and he was already an hour late. I was sitting alone at Wasabi at theTaj Mahal Palace playing with my phone and waiting for him to turn up before the waiters threw me out for not ordering. He came running towards the table where I was sitting, looking gorgeous in his white shirt worn over faded blue jeans. Men shouldn’t wear this combination…it isn’t easy to stay angry for long if you find the other person irresistibly hot! He bent over and kissed me on the forehead, hoping to placate me.

“Sorry baby”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”, I frowned. Well, faked it.

“I got late because I was hunting for this for you”, he said showing me a complete Twilight series in his hand. I wanted to smile really badly, but I controlled.

“I’m over Twilight”, I showed him some attitude

“Then, this will help you fall in love again”, he said handing me the book series.

“Fall in love with whom? Edward Cullen?”, I said teasingly.

“I know you’re a one-man woman…and I’m your man! That blood sucking vampire can wait”

“You should consider yourself to be a very lucky guy…. Your wife just can’t stay angry for long”, I said.

“That’s because of my pure genius sweetheart!”

“Whatever!”, I said, throwing my napkin at him.

“Yeah, I love you too”, he said with a smile on his face. I couldn’t hear him as some other crazy Punjabis were bursting a lot of noisy crackers to celebrate someone’s wedding. “I’ll just go to the loo and come”

“Abeeer”, I complained.

“2 minutes baby”, he came forward and kissed me before walking off.

The Punjus outside Wasabi were getting crazier and sound levels at which their crackers burst could actually deafen humans! Abeer came back soon as promised.

Soon after he settled in his chair, 2-3 men dressed in black, like commandoes entered Wasabi with their huge guns and started firing randomly.

“Abeeerrrr”, I shouted in terror, unable to process what was happening, unable to hear anything, totally confused.

 I stood up, wanting to run. Abeer sprang up the second he saw me stand and jumped on me across the table and we both fell on the floor. Everything happened so suddenly that I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. All I knew was Abeer was on top of me and his mouth was on mine. I understood that it was a signal for me to shut up and not start crying. Those commandoes were still firing randomly and I kept my eyes tightly shut lest they know Abeer and I were still alive. I kept on reciting prayers for Abeer and my safety. I had a barter deal with God… that if Abeer and I make it out of here safe, I wouldn’t ever read Twilight. That was a huge compromise.

For what seemed decades was only a couple of minutes when the firing stopped and there was a deafening silence that gripped Wasabi. A couple of minutes later, I could hear people cry. I still didn’t dare move. Abeer was on me, he didn’t move either, I thought that was a cue for me to stay still. He was rather heavy today. He isn’t so heavy when he’s on top of me while we’re making love. I couldn’t breathe because his weight was crushing my lungs and I kept my hands on his back, trying to shake hi, without talking, to signal him to take his weight off me. When I moved my hands over him, his back was all wet. I feared the worst and when I brought my hand to my face, I couldn’t breathe. And that wasn’t because of his weight…. It was because of his blood……

This can’t be true!!! It must have been someone else’s blood on his clothes. He can’t…. I couldn’t bring myself to say the word….even think of it….. he’s just 28 for God’s sake!  And we’ve been married only for a year! There’s so much more to life ahead of us….. I cupped his face in my hands and shook it. A stream of blood came out from his mouth onto mine and it was like someone dropped at 100kg stone on my chest.

After minutes of struggling to get out from under him, I finally found the strength to move out, sit upright and keep his head on my lap. The white shirt that he was wearing was everything but white now. Red was my favourite color, but not when his shirt was full of it……

I know he was just kidding with me for still liking Twilight and Edward at 25. And he knows how much blood freaks me. He’s just plain mean!

“Abeer, listen na baby”, I said, shaking him. “Open your eyes no baby. Abeer….”, I said, with tears rolling down my cheeks. “Abeer, sweetie, I promise I won’t read Twilight again. I won’t ever talk about Edward to you… I’ll not like him. I know you hate me liking him….I’m sorry baby…please open your eyes no….just tell me once more you love me. Abeer, I won’t ever get mad at you for getting late. Come whenever you want to…. I will not say anything. I will never pester you by asking you stupid questions….but please just talk to me once. Abeer….. you can’t go…..you can’t leave me alone…… What happened to the kids we were going to have. Ok, I won’t force you for a son…. I’ll name our child whatever you want… I won’t fight with you on it….but baby, please just once, talk to me na….open your eyes Abeer……”, I shook as I spoke to him. He was just not responding. He can’t be so upset with me for liking Edward.

“Abeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr open your eyes Abeer”

***

Part II Coming Soon.

Pritam Ka Swayamwar - Season I

* This is not for me!!!!!*

Dear Friends,

My beloved friend Pritam needs a new girl-friend since times immemorial.
Hence my other friend, Aafreen has written this offer letter to help him in this endeavor. So, please pass this to all the females you know! 

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below: 

Designation: Junior girl friend (On-the-job practical exposure would be given. On probation for 6 months, confirmation to be decided basis performance)

Experience: Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be given more preference)

Other requirements: 

·        Should know French {not the language ;-)}

·        Height, weight, complexion no bar, but is subjective. 

Age: 18-23 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will be undertaken for them)

Perks and incentives: 

Total gross (Monthly) : 

·        2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000 /-(any precious metals, stones) 

·        Bike rides each duration 1 hour 

·        Trips to National Highways in a bus

·     Roaming bills for calls to Koparkhaine (a gaav in Navi Mumbai) will be borne by the ad-giver

·        5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Siddhivinayak Temple in a month

·        Kulfis / Chocó bars at a regular gap of 3 days

·      Daily Provision of Samosa / Bread Pakoda / Bhel / Maggi worth Rs. 10 /- 

·        2 movies per month (Only on weekdays, that too morning shows) 

·  Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every weekend (At your own expenses)

·       A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper. 

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and Un-professional taxes will be informed on joining. 

Please NOTE:

1. Only females may apply 

2. Girls who left him in the last 2 months/ ex-girlfriends need not apply

            

There is more: 

·        For girls who are not eligible, or else you can take advantage of the referral program by referring your friends, colleagues etc. 

·        Candle light/Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected. 

Search never ends!! 

·        Interested candidates can send their resume on my Comments Section.

·        Profile Pic is a must.

What's In A Name - A Short Story - Part One

Waise toh, I'm very famous for starting to write a story and never finishing it,but I'll definitely try to finish this three-part story that I'm starting with this post.

All the characters in this story are fictitious! People, though you may be tempted to draw parallels between the main lead and me, I'll tell you, it's not my story!!!! I'm NOT getting married any time soon! This is just something that crossed my mind when I was talking to a guy-friend about how a girl becomes a woman and how the things she wants in her man changes with age and/or events. This is also dedicated to all the my-parents-are-starting-to-look-out-for-grooms-for-me SMSes that I've been receiving of late from my friends and the ones that are sent out by me!!! I hope this three part story brings in some hope for you.

***

“Who’s it?”, said a miffed Simi, who had woken up from sleep as my phone rang.

“Hello”, I answered the call, ignoring Simi’s pillow throws at me.

“Hi. How the party was?”,Dhruvesh, my fiancé today and husband tomorrow asked about my ‘bachelorette’ party.

“It was good.”, I said nonchalantly. “How was yours?”, I asked as part of a formality.

“It was amazing! We had lot of fun”, he answered. And why wouldn’t you have fun when you can have alcohol and drool over women and return home drunk and not get grounded.

“Nice”, I said for the lack of anything better to say.

“So, big day tomorrow! You excited?”, he asked me, sounding very enthusiastic. I was wondering how many tequila shots did he have to sound like this?

“Yeah, excited and nervous”, I answered. Keep a fast until you’re officially married, wear two sarees together and tons of jewellery and make-up and then I’ll ask you how excited you are!!

“Guess it’s a girl thing! It’s nice that Simi and your other friends have decided to spend the night at your place. You can talk to them all night”, he said. “I think you should go to sleep now. You’ll have to wake up early na tomorrow”

“Yeah. That’s a good idea. Bye, good night”, I said.

“Good night” he said and hung up.

“What is wrong with you. Why do you talk to him like that?”, Simi said

“Like what?”, I answered. Guess she had woken up and heard my entire conversation with Dhruvesh

“Like you’re just not fucking interested in talking to him! In the 20 years that I’ve known you, you’ve never answered in one words! You are you! You TALK! Why do you talk like this to Dhruvesh?”, she said.

“Can you guys like please go to sleep?”, Reema said from one corner of the room.

All my BFFs – Simi, my best friend since KG, Reema and Sheetal, my school best friends, Purvi, my junior college best friend, Shruti, Dimple and Swati, my degree college best friends and Khushi, my post-grad best friend had stayed back at my place on the eve of my marriage. I have a lot of best friends! But, Simi is the bestest of all. She knows me since we were 3! That’s like since 20 years! And we’ve been best friends ever since!

Simi came to where I was sleeping, dragged me by my shoulder and took me to our ‘window sill’. It was this balcony in my room which had an amazing view and we’ve spent a million hours talking about Simi’s then boyfriend and now husband Varun! She forced me to sit.

“Tell me what’s the issue?”

“There’s no issue. I’m just tired”, I answered, not looking at her in the eye.

“Don’t bullshit me”, she sat in front of me and turned my face so that I could look at her in her eye and talk. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

“There’s nothing wrong”, I said.

“Really? You want me to believe you? Babes, please tell me what’s wrong? Did he do something? Say something to you?”

“No”

“Monosyllables! I hate them!!”, she fumed. “Did he try to you know….force you for like sex or something before marriage?”, she guessed

“Hell no!”, I shouted back!

“What is it then?”, she asked with a grave concern on her face. “You’re getting married to him in less than 12 hours…. You want to marry him right?”, she asked. And I couldn't control the tears that I had filled myself up with since a month that it was decided that he was the one for me.

“Aww, baby! It’s ok! You just are freaked! It’s normal to have cold feet before the wedding day. I had it too!”

“Don’t lie! I’ve never seen anyone as desperate as you to get married!!”, I joked. Finally, after a month there was a smile on my face.

“Ok, fine! At least you smiled. See, I know it all has happened real quick! I mean one month is really not enough…. But it’s ok. Your parents aren’t fools and besides that, Dhruvesh is a really nice guy, trust me! Even Varun says so…. And he’s a guy….he knows guys better than us!!”, she asked.

“It is not that, Simi. Leave it, you won’t get it. Nobody does”, I shrugged.

“Try me.”, she urged.

“It’s everything! He’s not what I wanted in life! You know that I never had a boyfriend in life and that’s why I thought probably that’s because I’d get someone out of the world for me to marry. But this is not out of the world!!”

“Ok. What do you not like in Dhruvesh?”, she tried to calm me down”

“Everything!”

“Start somewhere!”, she persisted.

“The name… Dhruvesh!! I mean it’s like so Gujju!! It sounds Gujju…. Because of that ESH thing in the end. I don’t like his name! I don’t like his surname. I don’t like how Payal Dhruvesh Shah sounds like!! It’s not mellifluous to my ears.”

“You don’t wanna marry him because you don’t like his name?”, she laughed, waking up two of my friends.

“See, I told you, no one understands.”, I complained and got up to go back to sleep, she held my hand and asked me to sit.

“Sorry. Let’s start again”

“The reasons I have sound very shallow to others, but to me they are not. Because it’s my life at stake. I want what I want and Dhruvesh …yucckkk…. Is not that! And it’s not just the name. He can’t even speak English properly. He can’t throw two sentences without an error and you know how irritating that is. I wanted a guy who could throw five big words in a sentence if I’d throw three and he can’t even get my normal English stuff. English is important to me and I wanted my guy to speak good English. And he can’t.”

“Hmm. You can work on the English, Payal. And name… you’ll get used to it!”

“Imagine saying Dhruveshhhhh when you’re doing it…. It’s like so turning off yaar!”, I said.

“Look at the good side… he’s letting you work after marriage. That’s a positive”

“He doesn’t talk. He’s all shy and quiet with me and you know I can’t take silence. It freaks me. And he’s not at all romantic. He doesn’t know how to talk to women.”

“No guy on earth knows how to talk to women the way we want, so I’ll give that to Dhruvesh”

“Can you like please not take his name?”, I said. “And I always wanted a love marriage yaar. Falling in love, talking on the phone for hours, that honeymoon period of the relationship…he being all romantic and all filmy, when all romantic songs make sense to you…. I don’t have that phase in my life. I feel like a fucking 16^th century woman!”

“You can have that after marriage. And let me tell you, love marriage sounds glamorous on paper. In reality, it is not like that”

“Look who’s talking! You had the most amazing love story”, I said

“I did. But we do have problems. We’ve dated for 5 years and been married for 2…. The seven year itch is not a myth my friend! See, with love marriages the problem is that you begin with attraction and then when you have to compromise and adjust later, and that’s a problem. With arranged marriage, you start with compromise and end with attraction. Trust me, that’s how it should be because that attraction is unshakeable. It has a more solid and practical foundation.

“But still, I wanted a love story that I could tell my kids about”

“You can still have it”

“With Dhruvesh? Noooo” I replied

“Why didn’t you tell your parents about it if you had such a big problem. You could have told me earlier…. What’s the point of telling me NOW!”

“I tried telling Mom, she gave me one million reasons why he’s the right guy and shut me up. I didn’t like getting engaged and married in a month. But considering that his grandfather is almost on his death bed and wants to attend his function, I agreed.”

“Don’t have a pity marriage”

“It’s more compromise than pity.”, I said

“Dudeee. He’s a nice guy. Trust me. Trust my instincts. Give him one fair chance. Keep the name and English aside…. Look at the inner him. That’s what’s important when you’re getting old with him.”, she tried making me look at the brighter side of things.

“I didn’t even have a bachelorette party with alcohol and all. I wanted to enjoy my courtship period with him. Wanted to go out, party hard, wear hot clothes, get drunk, come home late and not be asked questions….. I didn’t get to do any of that. I wanted him to fall in love with me when he saw me for the first time and he saw a strand of hair on my face and he so liked it that he fell in love with me…. I wanted something like that….”

“What are you? A Yashraj Film heroine? You can’t take the AC for more than 30 minutes and you want to dance in a miniskirt in the Switzerland snow!!”, she laughed.

“No. I just wanted to have a love story. Period.”, I retaliated.

“You’ll have it. Your life is not ending tomorrow. It’s just starting.”, she said

“Yeah right”, I said, staring at my hands which were covered in mehendi. And his name in it. The only thing that I liked on my hands was the engagement ring because of the huge diamond it had.

I was marrying Dhruvesh the next day and I felt nothing for him. Nothing. 

P.S : Thank you, Aanchal for the amazing quote on love marriage v/s arranged marriage! And thanks for approving the names of the characters in the first go! You're back on my blog now, so you better be the first one to comment! 

P.P.S : Please like my page on Facebook!! You can see the LIKE button to your right as well! (Sounds so desperate, but I need some ego boost real bad!!!)

Part Two : Coming Soon

To-Do List Before I Die

• Get Married : Considering the fact that my real social network of aunts is more powerful than Facebook or Twitter, I won't have to wait for more than 4 years before changing my name and address!! But, seriously, I feel that I've finally started showing signs of being a girl. I really want to get married soon. Considering my current state of mind soon means NOW! The only hitch is getting a guy who'd want to marry me too! 

• Shop at Saks Fifth Avenue : The last time I went there, I had only 500 $ with me for the entire 3 months that I was going to be in USA. And the cheapest thing available at SFA was more than 1000 $! So, shopping at the best and the most expensive place on Earth is definitely something I want to do. (This point is conveniently placed after the point of getting married for obvious reasons....after all I'll need someone with muscles to pick up all the shopping bags and the heart of steel to pay for them!)

• Doing something for my family :  I really want to send my parents and my sister for a holiday to Europe one day with the money I've earned. So, God, please, give me a good final placement for this noble deed ;-)

• Go Sky-Diving : I'm not at all an adventure sports person but sky diving is one thing I really want to do. 

• Gamble in a Vegas casino : Again, the last time I went there, I wasn't even allowed to stand at a gambling table for more than 30 seconds for being underage! Now, can someone please tell these idiotic Americans that 18 is the new 21 and they should've  let an 18 year old me atleast stand and look at my cousins play!!!

• Get completely sloshed : Now, I think this is the world's most popular thing to do before they die! But seeing what all people say and do when they're drunk, I'm mentally prepared to have people come and tell me the other day of what non sense I did and spoke! And, Richard, please, stay a little away, I really don't want to puke on you!

• Visit a Strip Club : This is one of my experiments of trying to find out how the male head functions.

• Get a Tattoo: Really want to get inked with the name of the person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with one day! And yeah, Saif  Ali Khan was no inspiration for this one!

• *censored*

• Be Honest :  I want to be completely honest one day and actually want to tell people how much I've done for them and how I've always thought of them before thinking about me and how they treated me in return was just not how I deserved to be treated. And guess what, I have the list of names ready...all I need is just a little guts to tell them!

Of Weddings And More....

Being a perpetual singleton, I was warned by all my couple-friends that being single is good, as when you're in a relationship, barring the initial six months, all you do the entire day is fight! I never believed this, until I saw it for myself. I was sitting with my best friends, who have been coupled since the past 4 years and here's a sample of their conversation which sent shivers down my spine, if I'd be doing the same after 4 odd months!

Girl : You've put on a lot of weight. (she then hit his hand when he came forward to eat fries at McD, and then ate the entire thing herself!)

Boy: Huh? Why do you always criticise me? I never criticise you!!

Girl : That means that you do want to criticise me!

Boy : I didn't mean that!

Girl : Oh yeah, what you meant was that now there are things in me that you want to criticise!!!

And this continued for the next seven days!!! Man! These coupled-since-a-long-time-couples are scary!!!

My Mom had been to a wedding last week and she told me all about it. It was a typical upper-rich class Gujju wedding ( I never knew I had rich relatives!!), so the wedding was like a typical Gujju wedding. Ostentatious. In your face exposure of your wealth...and yeah enough exhibition of gold to make you go blind. And I'm not exaggerating. The saying, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" doesn't hold true for Gujju women! The only thing I hate about Gujjus is the pretense! I mean why do you have to call the entire town for your wedding? People who wouldn't give a fuck about you the minute they are off the stage after wishing you. People who's only discussion at your wedding would be either the girl is too good for the guy or the guy is too good for the girl and why is the cost per plate is so less (neverminding the fact that the cost per plate was 1050!). And I don't understand why people even pay so much to feed people who can very well feed themselves. When I was debating this with my aunts and uncles once, they said, it's all about feeling happy and sharing your happiness with people! Why not feed people who can't feed themselves. I'm sure you'd get more happiness in doing this!

I'm always accused of being a pseudo Gujju. And I'm glad of it! Rather be a pseudo Gujju than be a pretentious one! I've had a million fights with my my Mom regarding my own wedding. I always argue that I'd be more than happy to get married with only my parents, sister and 3-4 good friends of mine present. But, like all Moms always do, I was shut up! The older generation always accuses the newer generation being very friend oriented than being family/relative oriented. And I agree to that. I mean, when I cry, the person who is there patiently listening to me rant for 4 years is my best friend not my distant aunt!! But people today seldom want to see logic!!! To be honest, I've even made the guest list for my wedding! It has just 10 people from my side!! I'd only want these 10 people, because they've been there with me, even when I erred, patted my back when I did something good. Never left me wanting someone else. In a way, they've earned their way to my wedding.

I don't know why we have to do things the way they've been going on for years without questioning their rationale. And then, we complain that our education system sucks. We do the same there as well, don't we? I know it's a hard battle ahead to convince parents to get things done your way, but am sure it'll be worth the try. Of course, you could use the money they saved for your wedding for having an extravagant honeymoon!!!!! *wink* In the least, your parents' hard earned money would be spent on you and not on people who wouldn't care about you 10 seconds after they smile at you!

Like someone I know said, 'Let your parents win the battle today, you plan for the war for tomorrow!'