Not So Common Cold!

The worst illness to have hit humans is the common cold! The only thing common about it is that its affects the entire human race but there's no beeping cure for it! And that's because the virus that causes the cold mutates so quickly, that no medicines would be able to kill them. (I'm surprised I still remember my Microbiology!!). So, as always, my exam time is jinx time, and as per the jinx, I HAVE to fall ill during exams. And this time, it's the beeping cold! I normally don't abuse on my blog, but suffer from a cold for a week and you'll know what I'm talking about!! But it's just so weird.... when I was doing Biotech, my friends and I have literally gulped down live cultures of Salmonella (causative agent for Typhoid and food poisoning)  and E.coli (certain strains cause food poisoning), but never for once fell sick, but now, when we're all out of the lab and miles away from these pathogens, we're falling sick!! Life is so ironical! I must admit, working between burners was more fun than interpreting data from morbid Excel sheets! Grass is always greener on the other side of the court, but having played on both the courts, I must say, both the courts suck!! Be a spectator, don't get educated at all , because all education does is teach you for 1/4th of your life how to ruin the remaining 3/4th!

Coming back to the topic of common cold, the only good thing about having a cold is that your voice becomes husky and you start sounding sexy!!! I was talking to a friend of mine in this husky, sexy voice, when jealous of my new found husky, sexy voice, she told me  that kissing is an unproven medicine for cold! She had found it out with her boyfriend, so she suggested it to me, to which I felt like thanking her for chidkoing namak on my jala. First, I'm single, second, I'm suffering from cold and you suggest kissing as a medicine! How much more sadistic could you be!! So, all the couples reading this, please try it, if I get more people to prove that this data was statistically significant, I'll quicken my process of finding a boyfriend!

So, along with D-Cold, Crocin, Vicks, now even kissing is off the list for the medicines that can cure my cold. On a night over with my friends, where everyone was gorging on ice-cream and I had to admire their beautiful faces whiles they were doing so, my friends urged me to have a scoop of ice-cream, as, according to them, thanda hi thande ko maarta hain! Hence I tried having melted ice-cream, but to no avail. In fact you can't even taste half of your food because your taste buds have gone on a long vacation! Finally, I drank a glass full of cold Pepsi, just irritated that nothing was helping my cold, and miraculously, my cold was cured! No kidding!! I was surprised myself! So, now apart from making you obese and helping your Mom clean toilets better, Pepsi can cure cold!!! Oh man! Indra Nooyi, now owes me a couple of million dollars for this serendipitous product feature that I came across!! I'm so happy, most of my one week cold has gone now, and so has my husky sexy voice :-(

I'm also happy, that finally Pepsi brand managers have decided to go back to the old Pepsi PET bottle. The bottle they were using before reverting back was really ugly!! Not uglier than Antilia, but still, ugly enough to make people buy Coke!! I don't know why my Dad still disagrees with me that Antilia is an ugly building. I mean, it looks like a Tetris game ended abruptly!!! Seriously, MasterCard is right, there are certain things money can't buy. And one of them is classy taste! I think I should end this topic here, or else I'll be accused of being anti-Gujjus and anti-men all the time!!

P.S : I'm NOT a feminist, and can never be one. Hopeless, incurable romantics can never be feminists!! And I'm not anti-Gujju as well, I just love to make fun of them

How Does She Do It???

I don't believe that I'm admitting this, but I must say that, I agree with men when they say it's really difficult to understand a woman! Being a woman myself, I don't understand them! Because it's more than just 2 hormones calling the shots for them! What that is, is something mankind or womankind will never know! From where does she get strength which is inversely proportional to her size? And how does she fucking do it!

For every time her crush got crushed when he made an appearance with his girlfriend, she has the hope, faith and the patience to wait for her Edward Cullen who'd want to show her off in front of the entire world. (The silver Volvo is just a bonus *wink*)

She may be one of the top 10% brains in the country but she'll be stupid enough to go against the worldly wisdom and practicality and actually reject a guy with an empire for a guy without one, only because he said he loved her!

For every time she cribbed about abdominal pains during PMS, she has the strength to go through hours of labour to deliver a kid. ( I just became a masi! Yay!!!)

For every time she sat on a staircase begging her guy to not leave her and go, she finds the strength to pick herself up within months and say no to go back to him when he is begging her to take him back!

For every night she cries herself to sleep, she has the guts the next morning to let her ex-guy's phone ring in her hand and let it become a missed call. A very dear friend does this everyday, and I still don't know how she does it!

For every girl who carries on with a shitty relationship, consoling herself, that maybe one day her guy would stop being the retard in tin foil and start being her knight in shining armour, there's another girl who has the guts to get out of a shitty relationship even if it means carrying the tattoo of your ex's initials all your life....and carrying emotional AND physical baggage of that failed relationship forever! (I really bow down to Deepika Padukone for this one!)

For every girl who grew up imagining a guy like Raj for her, she has the nerves of steel to make a compromise and marry a guy like Kuljeet. (You won't get this one unless you're a die hard Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge fan!)

They say, that girls are more emotional and get attached to things and people more easily than men, still, since centuries, they've had the heart to leave it all up one fine day to pick up another life at an age when a human stops learning, she's learning to live life anew!

She may not have the physical strength to hit you back, were you to hit her, but she'll have a heart big enough to wipe your tears were you to feel guilty about it or have an explanation ready to give to people if they ask her about the marks.

For every time she nagged you for not meeting/saying I-love-you/calling back/replying to a text 17 times a day, she'll have the strength to  keep a stone on her heart, a tearless smile on her face and be your strength while bidding a goodbye to you  if you're going abroad and not returning for another couple of years. 
(Dooriyan bhi hain zaroori.....zaroori hain yeh dooriyan!! Amazing song from Break Ke Baad)

The laws of nature say that two sautans can never be friends and they are always vying for each other's blood, but then, in some remote corner of Earth, you'll find a Mariam giving her life so that Laila could make a new start and have a happy life for herself.... (So beautifully written in Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns)


She may be scared of cockroaches, but when she comes to running a home/company/nation, she'll do a much better job then most men.... and she can multitask, rule with an iron fist, be the only MAN in a cabinet full of men, quasi run the country where there are 28 small countries in itself, a country in which she is considered a  'foreigner' and do it with ease!

She may have the means, resources and the audience to defame you in public by waging an online war, but she won't....because even for a blabbermouth, silence, is sometimes golden. Wars are not waged when only one opponent has an edge over the other....that's not how Librans fight!

Why A Girl Would Want To Be Guy...

*Reposting an old post.... I don't think many people have read this....*

•  You're not subjected to a free full body scan the minute you step out of     the house.
• You can wear/not wear anything you want without thinking about what log kahenge
• People look into your EYES while talking to you
• The world's your toilet!!
• You are allowed to drive on the highway...(You're allowed to drive in           the first place!)
• You can abuse in Hindi!
• Your punches do hurt other people
• You can watch sports without being asked "Who's the guy who sparked this sudden interest in football??!"
• Beer, football and friends together are UTOPIA!
• You understand football and the difference between off-spin and leg-spin in cricket
• You'd go nuts if a Ferrari was parked near your building because you realize the importance of it!
• You have at least the benefit of doubt of being able to pass engineering!(With my Maths and Physics I know  why I didn't even have the benefit of doubt!)
• You have relaxed and flexible curfew timings
• You can afford getting drunk because you don't have to care about who'll drop you home
• Pleasure is never a pain for you.... not even the first time!!!
• You are not scared of bikes or rather being spotted on a bike with a person of the opposite sex
• You probably haven't heard of or do not care about PMS
• You don't have to undergo labour or the frightful stretch marks after it!
• You don't have to undergo the terrible pain of depilation every 4 weeks...you can roam around like a hairy orang-utan all your life
• Boys night out is not at all about gossiping and bitching....
• You don't have to think twice before the second helping of the Blueberry Cheese Cake
• You an wear white in the rain.
• Butter zyaada Pav Bhaji can be relished without appraising the calories
• Your name is yours forever

• And the most important of them all......... YOU DO NOT HAVE OESTROGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not A Girl, Not yet A Woman

“I’m not a girl, Not yet a woman, All I need is time, A moment that is mine, While I'm in between, I’m not a girl” These words from Britney Spears’ famous song “Not a girl, not yet a woman” describe precisely what a young woman feels at the age when teens are out and tweens have set in. Not young enough to be called a “girl”, not prudent enough to be called a “woman”. This age is full of unexplained desires, fears, anxieties, heartaches and much more. In short, this age can be described as the “Mid mid life crisis!!”

We’ve all crossed and survived the tumultuous teenage years which were complete with its own bitter and sweet moments. Now, we’ve moved on from playing with dolls, to being one and the hands of many… our boyfriends, our bosses, parents… the list just goes on… Right from living upto our parents’ expectation then, to living upto other people’s expectations from us, now, somewhere down the line we’ve just forgotten what are expecting from ourselves. Lived for everyone, but forgotten to live for ourselves.

Teens are over, tweens have seeped in. ‘You’ve grown up’ is what parents say endlessly, and for a change you actually agree with them, for you’ve seen the world in a way that they had not. This rat race, sickening competition,crumpling others to get ahead… things like such never existed then. All this has only made you wise. You’ve actually grown up…. But have you, actually grown up?Have you really become wise? Think of all the tears shed for all the backstabbing, for all the heartbreaks, for all the emotional pain you’ve gone through. You’re above 18, an adult, eligible to vote and can legally get married, according to the Constitution of India. It considers you sagacious enough to be able to decide the country’s future, unfaltering, and you do, but you falter so many times while making a decision concerning yourself.

In a way, this can be attributed to the age and the hormones! It’s such a temptation to be able to resist the lures of life. In so many ways life as a teenager is different from life as a tweenager and in so many ways it is similar. Like you no longer feel guilty about lying to parents for that one date with your guy( you’ve gotten immune to the lying bit!). Life is much more than HIM, it is also about your career which will not take a back seat, this wasn't the case when you were a teen… life revolved and rotated around just one person. Life’s only tensions then were attendance problems, fights with friends over time not spent with them, pacifying parents who ranted over the huge phone bills. But now life is about meeting deadlines, pacifying your boss, avoiding fights with colleagues. But the underlining part of being a Woman remains the same.

The want to be loved and sheltered…. The need to be pampered and cared for… they did and always will make any one go week in their knees at any age…! The lives then and now may have changed and will keep on changing but the basic nature of being a Woman will always remain the same. The gentleness, the love, the care, the touch… all these things will continue to be an inseparable part of being a Woman. We, right now, are not girls and not exactly women but we’re out of one phase ready to enter another and experience life through the glasses of Womanhood! Here’s celebrating ‘Womanhood’!

25 Reasons Why One Should Be A Girl

Waise toh I'm a hardcore feminist... but my last post didn't seem so!! But here's my take why one should be a girl...... (my bid to pacify all the feminists I've angered!)

* This list is applicable only if girls are surrounded by good,loving,caring ,understanding and chivalrous gentlemen around her..!!

1. You're the most protected and sheltered one in your family
2. You can wear pink....
3. You can carry off floral print without looking like a Hawaii return!
4. Nobody accuses you of crossdressing if you happen to wear your guy's shirt...(behind close doors, ofcourse!)
5. You do not have to pay anywhere! (Travelling, entertainment and food is almost always paid for!)
6. You get rickshaws/taxis comparatively easily.(Your one "rickshaw" call launches a thousand rickshaws!)
7. You never have to take the pain of driving...you just have to grace the fron seat.
8. Your primary business in the car is changing the CDs(Giving directions is futile...they're never acted upon,even when you're DEAD SURE about it!)
9. You never have to do anything... most of the times things are taken care of!
10. If they are not, then all you need to do is flutter your eye lids at great speed and say PLEASE in a very soft and bechari voice!
11. You're Daddy's favourite... hence you've never heard the word NO!
12. You can GOSSIP and BITCH...that's the centre of the universe for you(No wonder I'm considered a Gossip Queen in my class!)
13. Cat fights have made you a stronger person, physically!
14. Your punches may not hurt.....but your nails definitely do!!
15. You have reservations everywhere!
16. You do not have to pay fees in junior college and school
17. You abuse in English... and sound classy
18. "P" words from you scare the most toughest of guys!
19. Sports means flying-in-the-air hair,cute faces, bulging biceps, strong hamstrings....in short Greek God replicas in the form of sportpersons!
20. You hate WAGS and are jealous of them!
21. You are pampered and loved the most when pregnant.
22. You can give birth.... something that's so selfless.
23. You are mentally very very very strong.
24. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....

And the most important of them all.....

25. YOU CAN CRY!!!

25 Reasons Why You Should Be a BOY!

It's just one chromosome....just bloody one chromosome that makes all the difference... the "Y" Chromosome! (For non Biology people..guys have XY chromosome in their cells and gals XX). After studying the capricious habits of the Y chromosomed creatures for almost a year(this was way back in 2005!!) I've come up with the "Y Chromosome Theory"...in this theory I have explained the way in which guys behave(tried to, actually!!) ... more on this theory later on... Following are the reasons why one shouldn't have double X chromosomes... ie advatages of being a BOY..... !

1. You're not subjected to a free full body scan the minute you step out of the house.
2. You can wear/not wear anything you want without thinking about what log kahenge
3. People look into your EYES while talking to you
4. The world's your toilet!!
5. You are allowed to drive on the highway...(You're allowed to drive in the first place!)
6. You can abuse in Hindi!
7. Your punches do hurt other people
8. You can watch sports without being asked "Who's the guy who sparked this sudden interest!"
9. Beer, football and friends together are UTOPIA!
10. You understand football and the difference between off-spin and leg-spin in cricket
11. You'd go nuts if a Ferrari was parked near your building because you realize the importance of it!
12. You have atleast the benefit of doubt of being able to pass engineering!(With my Maths and Physics I know why I didn't have the benefit of doubt!)
13. You have relaxed and flexible curfew timings
14. You can afford getting drunk because you don't have to care about who'll drop you home
15. Pleasure is never a pain for you.... not even the first time!!!
16. You are not scared of bikes or rather being spotted on a bike with a person of the opposite sex
17. You probably haven't heard of or do not care about PMS
18. You don't have to undergo labour or the frightful stretch marks after it!
19. You don't have to undergo the terrible pain of depilation every 4 weeks...you can roam around like a hairy orang-utan all your life
20. Boys night out is not at all about gossiping and bitching....
21. You don't have to think twice before the second helping of the Blueberry Cheese Cake
22. You don't have to diet or work out
23. Butter zyaada Pav Bhaji can be relished without appraising the calories
24. Your name is yours forever

And the most important of them all........

25. YOU DO NOT HAVE OESTROGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S: Hetvi..... this one's dedicated to you babes.... will always remember your line "Temme one bad thing about being a guy!"