Being Human!

I never thought that writing for me, could be so difficult! After having deleted almost 9 nine drafts, I am posting this one! The past 2 months were really bad for me. Lost 6 kgs of weight, so now, being 20 kgs underweight, I can officially be the face that India can show to get some more loans from the World Bank! I had become a cynic in these 2 months. I couldn't see other people happy only because I wasn't happy! Something that's just so not me! And just when I thought that I couldn't ever be happy for anyone in life because I was too immersed in self pity, I surprisingly felt happy for someone. And I've not even met that someone! That someone is my blog friend Arshat, whose blogs I just love! He's publishing his first novel, How I Got My Girl Back on July 10 and when I got to know that, I felt my first happiness in 2 months! I just went back to being the old me! Someone who rejoiced in other people's happiness. All the while I was congratulating him and he was thanking me, I felt this thing to tell him, that its not you who should thank me, but I want to thank you for making me feel human again! So, here it is, Thanks a lot, Arshat and I wish you all the luck for this book and the many more to come! (And yes, I'm not doing this for getting one of the 10 complimentary copies of your book. Like I promised, yours will be the first book I'll buy!!)

I never had been ambitious in life, I was like the mujhe toh bachpan se shaadi karna ka bada shauk hain types, but still I wanted to make an identity for me all my myself and I did that when I started blogging. But then, one fine day, I just gave it up, my name, my fame, my identity.....everything for a man only because he didn't like me blogging because he knew that I blogged only because there was a lot of unsaid sadness and loneliness in me.Things a woman can give up and do for the man she loves! And if there's anything I regret the most right now, is having stopped blogging!!! Blogging gave me a lot in life..... it made me famous! People who don't know me, know me!! People got inspired from me and they started blogging! And trust me, getting appreciated in the comments is orgasmic!!!! A lot of other perks of blogging for me were knowing people I've never met, feeling happy for them, calling them up at 3 in the night to cry ,getting my first STD calls and messages, getting don't-jump-into-the-sea warnings when I used to sit alone at Carter Road! (Thanks Vinod, I'll try finishing a post on you soon!).....and I got all this from my blog! And I just regret giving all this up! But, now I'm never leaving my baby....my blog! Not for anyone.....not for myself....and most certainly never for anyone who has a Y chromosome!! 

And one more thing that I've learnt in this last week is the sheer strength women possess. From hating each others guts to actually flinging yourself over the other to protect her from being hit...... I have completely seen a different side of a woman's nature.....how they bond in the most unexpected ways, their ability to forgive and let go.....no matter how bad things were. I'm yet to meet a man who can forgive like the way a woman does.I'm yet to meet men who bonded over something deeper than beer and porn.......and football(keeping the FIFA and the Waka Waka shit in mind!) !! I also got to see the bad side of a woman...the bitchy, selfish one, and it hurts to say it was me, and again, being forgiven when I realised how mean I had become!!! I never knew my favourite books could happen to me in my life.....first Twilight happened....and then A Thousand Splendid Suns! I know, you don't read my blogs, but, this para was for you, girl!! And, I'm really sorry.... I did it, I am publicly apologizing to you!

Now, Arshat has sparked the thing in me to get published! Even I want my name on the cover of a book!! I'm just waiting for a kickass idea to hit my neurons. But this time, I don't want to write about the 'perfect guy-meeting-the-'perfect girl'.....this time, I want something more deeper, something that delves into relationships other than a romantic relationship (yeah, I'm really taking the woman-bonding thing too seriously!!) But knowing me, I know I'll end up writing a romantic thing only.....but it won't be teenage romance!!!! Till then, I'll write my old Anay-Ahaana-Arjun story. For the followers of my Abhay-Aditi story, I'm sorry..... I don't think I'd ever write it again!!

Seasons - Reposted

I had written this long time back..... at a time when I had no idea what I wrote had the power to come true!!!

You came like a wave of new spring,

Thawed my frozen heart,

That had seen only harsh winters,

You showed it Spring,

Summer and Monsoon too,

Were there holding me tight,

during the Winter and Fall,

I began loving Autumn, because,

You were there, always,

All I needed to do was,

to look to my side,

to meet your loving eyes...

We saw, together, the flowers bud,

the leaves sprout,

We saw them shower in the first rains,

change clothes to red, in Autumn,

hues that matched the blush on our face,

They fell, eventually, during Fall,

Assured of their return, I slept, alone,

Waited, for you to come and tuck me in,

and reassure my beliefs,

like you had, many springs ago,

They came back, Spring 't was,

But, I still waited...

Yet not accepting your departure,

WHY...cried over this for nights on end,

Watched the rains wet the window sill, alone,

Still made 2 cups of coffee,

and gulped down yours too,

Hoping you'd come, drenched,

one day, asking for a towel,

and an apology....

Hold me again, for Winter was back..

The leaves fell again,

So did I,

Wounded,bleeding,weeping,

In genuflect before Him, begging,

To send you back,

He sent rather the leaves and flowers,

The rain and then snow,

No sign of you nowhere....

My heart has now frozen again....

in the middle of Summer,

Not ready to be thawed again....

Not wanting to be thawed again....

To-Do List Before I Die

• Get Married : Considering the fact that my real social network of aunts is more powerful than Facebook or Twitter, I won't have to wait for more than 4 years before changing my name and address!! But, seriously, I feel that I've finally started showing signs of being a girl. I really want to get married soon. Considering my current state of mind soon means NOW! The only hitch is getting a guy who'd want to marry me too! 

• Shop at Saks Fifth Avenue : The last time I went there, I had only 500 $ with me for the entire 3 months that I was going to be in USA. And the cheapest thing available at SFA was more than 1000 $! So, shopping at the best and the most expensive place on Earth is definitely something I want to do. (This point is conveniently placed after the point of getting married for obvious reasons....after all I'll need someone with muscles to pick up all the shopping bags and the heart of steel to pay for them!)

• Doing something for my family :  I really want to send my parents and my sister for a holiday to Europe one day with the money I've earned. So, God, please, give me a good final placement for this noble deed ;-)

• Go Sky-Diving : I'm not at all an adventure sports person but sky diving is one thing I really want to do. 

• Gamble in a Vegas casino : Again, the last time I went there, I wasn't even allowed to stand at a gambling table for more than 30 seconds for being underage! Now, can someone please tell these idiotic Americans that 18 is the new 21 and they should've  let an 18 year old me atleast stand and look at my cousins play!!!

• Get completely sloshed : Now, I think this is the world's most popular thing to do before they die! But seeing what all people say and do when they're drunk, I'm mentally prepared to have people come and tell me the other day of what non sense I did and spoke! And, Richard, please, stay a little away, I really don't want to puke on you!

• Visit a Strip Club : This is one of my experiments of trying to find out how the male head functions.

• Get a Tattoo: Really want to get inked with the name of the person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with one day! And yeah, Saif  Ali Khan was no inspiration for this one!

• *censored*

• Be Honest :  I want to be completely honest one day and actually want to tell people how much I've done for them and how I've always thought of them before thinking about me and how they treated me in return was just not how I deserved to be treated. And guess what, I have the list of names ready...all I need is just a little guts to tell them!