Believito Ergo Sum

*My first attempt to imitate Carrie Bradshaw's writing style!!*

People who know me, know one thing about me...that I'm a person who has some really strong opinions in life. If I believe in something, nothing ever will be able to shake my belief in it. I believed in fairytale romance and one broken relationship later, I still do. I still believe that one day there'll be a Prince Charming Edward Cullen coming to sweep me off my feet and give me the fairytale romance that I have always believed in. Life, I think is all about beliefs, hope and faith. In either of God or karma and most importantly, yourself. 

I have seen that as we grow up, we become increasingly scared of things. As kids, we were never scared of running with our laces untied, even though we knew from previous bitter experiences that its outcome was always wounded knees. But as we grow up, one bitter experience scars us for life and we never try it again, calling it imbecile behavior or rather simply put, not learning from previous mistakes! Most people reading this post have studied Probability and you know that events in a person's life are random events and mathematically, the probability of occurrence of no two random events is the same! 

OK, I'll cut the circumlocution and come straight to the point. The point I'm trying to make in this post is that why are we so scared of another relationship after a previous failed one. Why do we get so cynical and negative about life and love? So pessimistic that nothing ever will go right in our lives and not realize it even when Mr. Right is knocking, forget knocking, pounding on our door, waiting for us to break those walls we've built around us to let him in and thaw our frozen heart? Why are we so scared to take a small leap of faith?

The main reason for me writing this post is that I feel so disappointed when I see my friends behave cynically in life. Call it luck or whatever, all, and I mean ALL the people I've ever counselled or come close to have been the biggest cynics and pessimists of the world, and I'm the exact opposite! And if I were to bill them per hour for giving them positivity lectures, I'd be able to buy myself a diamond mine in Africa by now! Why don't you just fucking believe that something good will happen to you? And this is not Rhonda Brynes talking out of The Secret, this is me talking out of years of believing and surviving events that have crushed those beliefs and somehow  coming back to believing again. It's not as difficult as understanding Calculus!

Do you know how vaccines are made and what they're made of? Vaccines are nothing more than a small dosage of the disease causing organism attenuated (weakened) and then given to us so that our body starts making antibodies, in small quantities to fight the organism. So when, there is a real infection where tens of thousands of these microbes attack you at once, your body is well prepared to combat the attack because your body knows exactly how to make the required antibody....it won't then, try permutations and combinations of various types to make the perfect antibody while you're sick and suffering.This is how you survive without even realizing that you're body has already dealt with a high risk organism. A failed relationship/heartbreak is a vaccine preparing you for what could be worse in life. Maybe you'll never catch the infection for which you've been vaccinated for, but if you do, you'll know exactly how to deal with it. You won't spend time and energy trying out permutations and combinations of things then! 

Earlier, I said that life is about beliefs, hope and faith...but I was wrong. Life is about  beliefs, hope, faith and a perspective that'll align the other three in a way that would make sense to you and add a meaning to your life.

P.S : Had written this years back and in the middle of these cheesy and corny lines, I hope you find something that may make you start believing again.

P.P.S : This post is dedicated to Manalee and Rucha ..... You've heard it earlier, but listen to it again, "Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

What's Wrong With The World??

If men have ego issues, then women have insecurity issues! Both of which are huge and insurmountable! A few days back, while on my way to college, I was in for a nice sight....a hot guy! Carter Road overflows with hot girls, but spotting a hot guy there is like spotting Hailey's Comet...once in 76 years! And, predictably, he was with a not-so-hot girlfriend {why God why} and as a response to stimuli, I stared at the guy only to get a very nasty stare from his girlfriend!! I mean come on man.... you can't expect to dress up a mannequin in a showroom in a Manish Malhotra outfit with Jimmy Choo shoes, a Louis Vuitton bag and expect women to not window shop!!! Women, I tell you, so freaking insecure about their men!! Actually, I can trace women's insecurity about their men to men's ego issues, but I'm not gonna bash men now...not when Valentine's Day is round the corner and I have no sign of a Valentine in my life!!

Now, Valentine's Day reminds me of a stupid little contest I held through my Facebook status update to find out if there's any intellectual single guy I might've missed till now {Oh yeah, Valentine's Day brings out all the desperation and depression in single women} but no one got it!! I had put up a witty and smart stat up, 'Monogamy is the great casualty of beauty', to see if any guy understands it, but none did!!! I mean where have all the smart men gone, come on, aren't you tired of chasing blondes and bimbettes?!!? It's such a magnificent line! I got it from a TV series called White Collar.... women, watch it for Neal Caffrey.... you'll thank me later! He'd make for a good virtual Valentine for V-Day!! 

I don't understand why is the entire world getting inked?? Has pain stopped paining to people? My Facebook wall was flowing with people's first tattoo pics the other day and it was irritating! What I don't understand is why would someone want to go through pain to scar them permanently... Nothing in life is permanent, so why should a tattoo be! Don't people get bored of it after a time? What if you do, but then you can't do anything about it!! There was a time when I also wanted to ink my guy's name on my hand as my first wedding anniversary gift to him but then better sense prevailed and now the only self-inflicted pain I see myself going through is labour!! Tattoos are like the BlackBerry phones....everybody and anybody has it, whether it suits their personality or no!!

I also fail to know what's wrong with kids these days! Apparently there's a bill waiting to be passed in the parliament that would make non-penetrative sex between 12 year olds legal! WTF! Aren't 12 year olds supposed to watch Pokemon or whichever stupid cartoon shows that are being aired these days! {I really feel sad for their Cartoon Network...CN had better shows while I was a kid!} And this news comes when I'm still trying to gulp down the fact that my 12 year old cousin has started abusing and clicking pictures wherein he's showing his middle finger...!! I didn't know of all these things until I was 16! Kids these days are more horny the the horny pigeon couple who've hijacked my room {since almost 6 months and they're still not done....guess they're on a honeymoon!} for fornicating and irritating me with their horny grunts! ... I don't understand why are the kids in a hurry to grow up! Childhood is better than anyone's jawaani! I'll end this post by that old cliched message....so kids, listen up... wounded knees are better than a broken heart....so be happy with your Pokemon while I enjoy watching the good ol' Tom and Jerry.....naa.... I'll get back to watching Neal Caffrey!! 

How To Identify A Gujju In A Crowd - Part II

*Disclaimer : All the following points have been written for the sole purpose of entertainment. So, all my fellow Gujju aunts and uncles especially ones with 24-25 year old handsome,rich and intelligent sons, please don't take any offence! {And if the aforementioned people are looking for a sundar and sushil bahu, I can send in my CV janamkundli too}*

Here's how to identify a Gujju in a crowd ka sequel. Read the first part here.

• For Gujjus, it's socially acceptable to burp, belch and fart in public and no apology is necessary in the end. 
• Gujju elders embarrass Gujju young people by publicly disclosing/asking their salaries. If your salary is less than people younger to you, you have to die in shame. And if it's more, then you'll have to fake-smile and promise random people whom you've met for the first time a free party!
• If you're a non-Gujju, then in all probabilities, in your wedding, your Gujju classmate will come with a spouse and a kid (could be kids too!!!!) because he/she would be married way before you!
• Gujjus are well known for their love of food. When they go to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, they aren't floored by the sheer magnificence of it, they aren't even interested in the beautiful French women or wine, all they're interested is in knowing whether they'd get Jain Samosas in Paris or not!!
• And this one is a Jain special. Jain Gujjus can make a Jain imitation dish out of anything! Be it Jain Pizzas, Jain Tacos, Jain Chinese....you name it and we have a Jain version of the dish. I have full faith on my Jain aunties that one day they'll even come up with Jain Sushi!!
• Gujju men have the biggest egos on Earth. Hence, when they see Hindi movie songs being made in Punjabi and other regional languages like Bhojpuri and the South Indian languages making a huge wave in the entertainment sector, the Gujju egos get hurt. So, they also vow to fight back and make Gujarati a popular language amongst the masses. So, the make videos like the following. The first one is Spiderman Video - Part I. It is hilarious!!! But it is in Gujarati as spoken in Surat, so not many non Gujjus would find it funny!! But, for Gujjus, you'll fall off your chair, trust me, my Mom almost did!! Ditto for Spiderman Video - Part II. This video is SRK's Dard-e-Disco in Gujarati. Wait till the second para.......it's tooooo good! Here, I fell off my chair while watching it!! But the killer-est of them all is the Gujju version of the Punjabi song, Amplifier, by Imran Khan. You have to, have to, and absolutely have to hear the Gujju version!!!! It's too fucking funny! (I used the F word purely for alliteration purposes. I don't abuse on my blog!!) See the video here 

P.S 1 : I was thinking of more points to be put it this post, but I've realised that I've written everything that's ever to be written about Gujjus! So, no more Gujju bashing on my blog, due to the sheer exhaustion of points to be made.

P.S 2 : This post is dedicated to my friend Aamir, who was patient enough to listen to my non-sensical talks all afternoon and being an inspiration for me to return to blogging and continuing it! (Yeah, I know, I haven't ever told this to you, so this is your moment, bask in the glory!!!)

P.S 3 : This post is also dedicated to Rizvi friends, Taranjit, Taher, Sohail and Sweta for always listening to my crap, putting up with it and still loving me!!Also, thank you for reinstating my belief in friendship and all the goodness that still exists in the world!!  Love you all.... you guys shall be invited for my wedding to have the Jain Sushi!!!