Dummies Guide To Gossiping!!

• What is Gossip?

Wikipedia says, Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Me says, Gossiping is just passing information from donor gossiper to a recipient gossiper about a gossipee, done to increase the recipient gossiper's knowledge base!

• Who can Gossip?

Technically, only women used to gossip in the olden days. But now, men gossip more than women! Atleast in my college they do! All my gossip sources are men! They know who's going around with whom, who broke up with whom, the reasons for it....everything!! I think this is because women trust men to keep secrets, and now we know what a wonderful job they're doing out of it!!

• When to Gossip?

You can gossip anytime you want. All you need is a gossipee and a donor gossiper with good credibility and a huge reserve of gossip information. For girls, the best time to gossip is during a night over or a girls day out! But there are some exceptions who can gossip even before their board/university exams! 

• Types of Gossip:
• Fact Gossip : This is proven information which is been merely passed to increase the recipient gossiper's worldly knowledge. E.g: You tell your NRI aunt that Deepika Padukone broke up with Ranbir Kapoor.
• Rumour Gossip : This is unproven information, which arises either due to hearsay, gut feeling or random hints passing around. E.g: You telling your NRI aunt that Ranbir cheated on Deepika because of the recent Koffee With Karan episodes.{His idea of that 'Low Battery' thing was totally innovative and cool!!}

• Gossiping Associations, if any : 

This one is made by me and my gossiper friends, so it's not official, but we're still very proud of it. It is called : Association of The Principled Gossipers where we only pass information with a warning about its type and never ever pass a character certificate on the gossipee unless of course it's a Fact Gossip that she's a bitch/slut, until then, she's innocent until proven guilty! Now I'm sounding like a big biatch!!!

• You know you're into gossiping when : 
• Your sentences begin with "You're not gonna believe this" or "Guess what"
• Your sentences end with "What are you saying?" or "This can't be true!"
• The look on your face is always let's-jump-off-the-sixth-floor when you come to know that even girls whom you thought would die single have boyfriends while you're still single! 
• You ping random alphabets to your friends when they're online on their BlackBerry so that they would get irritated and tell you the gossip they're so fiercely protecting!! 
• You feel constipated when you can't get a source who'd convert a Rumour Gossip into a Fact Gossip.
• And to try to do the above yourself, you put up suggestive status updates on Facebook and then try to infer things from the gossipee's likes/comments! 
• You keep in touch with certain people only because they're a powerhouse of gossip!

• Advantages of Gossiping :
• You feel a hormonal rush after gossiping. A feel-good kinda feeling! Guys who are troubled by their girlfriend's crankiness during PMS should most definitely do this!
• Your people and communication skills improve.
• Knowledge is knowledge and no knowledge goes waste!

• Disadvantages of Gossiping
• You can never know what people gossip about your friends because they know you are their friend. (if you don't get it, try getting a famous/most-gossiped-about friend and you'll know what I'm talking)
• You may feel depressed about the fact that the slutty friends of your have a constant stream of boyfriends, the ugly and fat ones also have a boyfriend and you don't!
• You come to know things about yourself....some may amuse you by the sheer amount of rumour in it and some might disturb you for weeks!!!

This is dedicated to all my friends with whom I gossip. And one piece of advice for you guys.....please don't ever get famous and become a well-known celebrity.....because that would tempt me into making a lot of money by writing a tell-all book on you!!! And that would be all Fact Gossip!!

This post is also dedicated to the amazing night over I had at my friend Sweta's place where we realised that a night over can be a hit without alcohol or getting drunk and being single gives you a happily sorted life!! 

As a thank you gesture for having survived my incessant pings on your BB, Utaib, I'll tell you that I'm not influencing/spoiling the girls of your class..... so stop getting jealous/paranoid about it! See, now this mention of you on my blog will make you a celebrity amongst them! And if one of them asks you out and you get married to her....you know what you'll name your first-born!! 

I'd like to end this post by a quote from one of my BFFs, "Boyfriends are for fucking...girl-friends are for gossiping and having REAL fun!!"


One last thing, all the data on my blog was random shit that came in my mind, so if you were doing a project on Gossiping and Google redirected you here....bad luck, mate. Also, I could've put the warning on top, but then I would've lost out on a reader! Sorry, I  have full sympathy for your misery! MBA is making me a big bitch!!

How Does She Do It???

I don't believe that I'm admitting this, but I must say that, I agree with men when they say it's really difficult to understand a woman! Being a woman myself, I don't understand them! Because it's more than just 2 hormones calling the shots for them! What that is, is something mankind or womankind will never know! From where does she get strength which is inversely proportional to her size? And how does she fucking do it!

For every time her crush got crushed when he made an appearance with his girlfriend, she has the hope, faith and the patience to wait for her Edward Cullen who'd want to show her off in front of the entire world. (The silver Volvo is just a bonus *wink*)

She may be one of the top 10% brains in the country but she'll be stupid enough to go against the worldly wisdom and practicality and actually reject a guy with an empire for a guy without one, only because he said he loved her!

For every time she cribbed about abdominal pains during PMS, she has the strength to go through hours of labour to deliver a kid. ( I just became a masi! Yay!!!)

For every time she sat on a staircase begging her guy to not leave her and go, she finds the strength to pick herself up within months and say no to go back to him when he is begging her to take him back!

For every night she cries herself to sleep, she has the guts the next morning to let her ex-guy's phone ring in her hand and let it become a missed call. A very dear friend does this everyday, and I still don't know how she does it!

For every girl who carries on with a shitty relationship, consoling herself, that maybe one day her guy would stop being the retard in tin foil and start being her knight in shining armour, there's another girl who has the guts to get out of a shitty relationship even if it means carrying the tattoo of your ex's initials all your life....and carrying emotional AND physical baggage of that failed relationship forever! (I really bow down to Deepika Padukone for this one!)

For every girl who grew up imagining a guy like Raj for her, she has the nerves of steel to make a compromise and marry a guy like Kuljeet. (You won't get this one unless you're a die hard Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge fan!)

They say, that girls are more emotional and get attached to things and people more easily than men, still, since centuries, they've had the heart to leave it all up one fine day to pick up another life at an age when a human stops learning, she's learning to live life anew!

She may not have the physical strength to hit you back, were you to hit her, but she'll have a heart big enough to wipe your tears were you to feel guilty about it or have an explanation ready to give to people if they ask her about the marks.

For every time she nagged you for not meeting/saying I-love-you/calling back/replying to a text 17 times a day, she'll have the strength to  keep a stone on her heart, a tearless smile on her face and be your strength while bidding a goodbye to you  if you're going abroad and not returning for another couple of years. 
(Dooriyan bhi hain zaroori.....zaroori hain yeh dooriyan!! Amazing song from Break Ke Baad)

The laws of nature say that two sautans can never be friends and they are always vying for each other's blood, but then, in some remote corner of Earth, you'll find a Mariam giving her life so that Laila could make a new start and have a happy life for herself.... (So beautifully written in Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns)


She may be scared of cockroaches, but when she comes to running a home/company/nation, she'll do a much better job then most men.... and she can multitask, rule with an iron fist, be the only MAN in a cabinet full of men, quasi run the country where there are 28 small countries in itself, a country in which she is considered a  'foreigner' and do it with ease!

She may have the means, resources and the audience to defame you in public by waging an online war, but she won't....because even for a blabbermouth, silence, is sometimes golden. Wars are not waged when only one opponent has an edge over the other....that's not how Librans fight!

Who's A BFF??

A lot of guys have been asking me what a BFF is....so here's a low-down on what a BFF is and who is BFF is. It is Best Friends Forever, by the way!

Who is a BFF?

• A BFF is a person who knows you inside out
• A BFF is a person who can understand your silence and knows when your leave-me-alone needs a hug and when your leave-me-alone actually needs you to be left alone
• A BFF is a person with whom you can sit at Juhu beach for hours, staring into nothingness and yet feel that you've had the best conversation of your life
• A BFF is a person for whose birthday gift, you won't mind fighting with your other best friends....only because you want the gift to be in a certain way!
• A BFF is a person who can have a crush on all your crushes, but yet never fight about!
• A BFF is a person who can say YUCK to your crush and you not pulling her hair out ! And then, you start having second thoughts about him!
• A BFF is a person who has to be the first person given a call to by your husband when your water breaks!!
• A BFF is a person who has to pick up your call within 5 rings....even if you're on your honeymoon!
• A BFF is a person who would never mind you being a perpetual kabab-main-haddi when she's out with her guy and you're also there!!! Because she knows that you two go as a package deal!
• A BFF is a person who would laugh with you about all your guy problems 5 years after you've had them!
• A BFF is a person with whom you'd strike all your baby-sitting deals with!
• A BFF is a person who'd draw 200+ diagrams of different forms of leaves,roots and flowers for your Botany journal for you....so that you can flirt with your guy!
• A BFF would be the first person to come and meet you after you've back come to the country after a 3 month vacation!
• A BFF is a person who would know your darkest secret but will never spill it out. Not even for a tell-all book on you, were you to get famous!
• A BFF is a person whom you can tell things about yourself which you wouldn't even tell your guy!
• A BFF is the only person whom you can tell, "I'm losing it, I need a psychiatrist!" and she's say, "You don't need anyone while I'm still there!"
• A BFF is a person who'd clean up all the mess you've made of yourself and do it again and again until you learn cleaning up after your acts!
• A BFF is a person who would wipe out her break up tears so that she can console you about your break up!
• A BFF is a person is the only person who could make you laugh while your eyes are still shedding tears!!
• A BFF is a person who'd say YES when you ask her if your ex would marry his new girlfriend and you'd still have a smile on your face because you know that you have something those two don't have......your BFF!Yes, A BFF is the result of good karma in your previous birth!
• Friends, best friends, boyfriends come and go. A BFF is like your parents.....they come and never go!

I read a research somewhere which said that women are at a lower risk of death due to depression as compared to men. And I think, the reason is that women are more prone to TALK about their lives to their BFFs than men! This post is dedicated to all my BFFs!