Of Growing up and... well...just growing up!

Yeah yeah I know it's been a freakishly long time since I last blogged. I don't know... in the beginning, I wasn't in the mood to write anything, and then later on, there was nothing I wanted to write on. Actually, there was lots I wanted to write on, but then, when you know your audience, you choose to not write everything that you actually, really want to write about! Maybe, it's time for an anonymous blog now!

Of late I've been stuck up in the I-don't-wanna-grow-up phase. Staying young, in college was fun. Life was a fully paid vacation. There were no deadlines, no presentations to make. A time when you had lots of time for your family, friends and more importantly ...lots of time for yourself. Now, all you get for self pity are blink-and-you'll-miss-them weekends!

Anyways, one thing that I hate the most about not being a student anymore is the fact that now you're considered as a prey whose wedding is where everyone wants to feast! I mean, I know, I've always been of the mujhe toh bachpan se hi shaadi karne ka shaukh hain but then, now, I have grown up and all of my bachpan ke shaukh have worn off (only for the fact that marriage is only going to make growing up look more serious and yeah .... the mountain of responsibilities on your head... a semi paid vacation at your parents' place is really what you should look at mazimising!)Yeah, so digressions apart, here is a piece of conversation that I was subjected to 47 times last Sunday at a social gathering. Oh yes, I almost forgot the most important thing that changes in your life after you're done with your education - the compulsion to attend social functions which you have very well avoided until now citing reasons like - 

• "I have my test series going on" - when you're in your 10th. 
• "I have journals to complete/I have early morning practicals" - when you're a poor hassled science student
• "I have presentations to make" - when you're an even more hassled MBA student

And you made excuses to stay back home and enjoy watching TV with no one to disturb you! But now, there are very few excuses that you can make -

• "I have a bad headache" 
• "My stomach's hurting" (and being a girl, you can ALWAYS get away with this one!Hehaw!)
• (This is the season's favourite) "Oh damn! I so wanted to come...but this friend of mine is getting engaged/married today"

See, this is one more downside of growing up - you have an attention span of a butterfly! I was supposed to share with you the conversation I had 47 times the other day. It goes like....

Me : (visibly forced to mingle around) Hello, how are you?

Aunt: (visible excited at the sight of a new bakra) I'm good. How about you? So which CLASS are you studying in?

Me: (visibly irritated at still being thought of as a school kid ...even at 23!) I'm done with my studies...I'm an MBA now... and have been working for almost a year now!

Aunt: (visibly more excited at the possibility of another wedding to attend) That's nice! So now it's time for your marriage!

Me: (visibly irritated with having the same conversation for one of the 47 times!) Haha! Let's see!

So, my point is why is marriage the next destination after studies? That's the entire problem with our society. We just don't want our children to breathe. There's always another destination to go to. Another train to catch, another job to take, another assignment to finish. Why can't we just stand back and enjoy where we are today? It's more peaceful and satisfying that ways. I know, marriage is inevitable and like all girls, I too have been dreaming of my Prince Charming and my wedding since I was gifted my first Barbie, but right now, I want to have some time for myself, because like everyone my age, I'm too damned confused about what I want in life! A simple example would be expecting an answer to the question - what is the kind of a guy that you want? It looks simple, but it's not a simple question to answer. You're confused about which are the qualities that you REALLY want and which are the ones that you can let go of. And it's a tough call to take.

I'm sure this post must be a real shocker to all those who know me well and are very well aware of my 'sabki shaadi ho rahi hain, meri shaadi kab hogi' cries! But then, like they say, people grow up and I'm trying to maintain pace with my growing age!

Another reason why you don't want to grow up is because you know there's another generation behind you who's faster and smarter than you are and the fact that though you're only 5 years elder to them, they consider you to be from another generation. I was in for a shock when my 18 year old cousin made that very clear to me when she actually said that I'm from another generation because I couldn't fathom the meaning of a couple of words that are commonplace for today's JC students! And the fact that all my younger cousins laugh at my lack of knowledge of technology and still having a high end phone is a sever blow to the ego! What they don't understand is that, self pity aside, weekends is all the time you have and sleeping then is what you would love to do the most! Guess, I will have to wait for them to come on this end of the line to know what it's like being called belonging to a different generation!

P.S - Marriage woes aside, now, I'm scared of what my kids, who's have a good 25-30 years age gap with me think about me....If 5 years is another generation, 30 years would be Stone Age!

Strong reason for not getting married!!

Of Growing Up And... Complicated Thoughts

Habits, they say is an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically. And addiction arises from habit due to a habit forming substance. So, where does love fall? Is it a habit, as it an aberration of your normal behavior sort of acquired over a period of time? Or is it an addiction, resulting from a very serious habit of the person one loves? What really is love? It just can’t be a mere feeling. Love, I believe, is more potent to be called a ‘feeling’. Love makes you want to do crazy things…even sing songs atop the Alps in miniskirts and thin chiffon sarees to wanting to kill someone. Love makes you forget reason. Just like addiction does. So does that mean that love is an addiction? But, then, not everyone does the aforementioned things while in love? So does that mean they love their partners any less? Or is it that they are plain sane (and boring!) Maybe for them, love is just a habit which hasn’t reached the addiction level. Or is it that love is something totally different and I’m thinking too much into it.

When we talk about habits, I feel there are many things besides love that can be habits. Like people for example. There are some people, who become habits. Friends, crushes, family… So what happens when the one to whom you are habituated to moves on in life, while you are at the same place?
And then because you have to also show that you have grown up, there’s ego that plays a very important part. So, what would win…habit or ego? Both are equally strong and equally hollow.  Would reason have a role to play in the fight? Would it be a referee declaring who’s the winner or would it be a third side in the already existing tug-of-war between ego and habit and complicating the situation further? Someone I know told me, that the only thing stronger than ego is reason. But what if the ego doesn’t let the reason to sound reasonable enough? What would happen to habit then?

What about lust? Is it a habit or an addiction? Or just very intense love? Then what is obsession? Is lust stronger or reason? Does this reason stem from logic or from preset beliefs? Then this takes us to a totally unchartered dimension… what’s stronger….reason or beliefs? But what if beliefs are wrong and so strong that you can’t see reason… at a level wherein beliefs become faith? What if our faith is wrong? Would it still be called faith? But then when we are doubting the basic premise that differentiates hope from faith, how can it still be called faith? It would then be hope or a belief. What is it that drives terrorists to kill people? Is it hope, faith or belief?

Or is it that all the above questions that I raised were totally subjective? Maybe they were or maybe they were not. If they were not, someone is gonna have faith issues!

P.S – I was not high on weed while writing this post.

P.P.S – Some habits are beautiful. Ms. Aanchal Bhugra, you were my most beautiful habit. My blog misses you… and so do I. Stop being a kanjus marwadi and start commenting like an extravagant Punju!!

Of Growing Up and ... Friends

I don't know what it is...is it our psychology or is it basic human greed to always find grass on the other side of the court greener. When I was in college, I wanted to grow up sooner and get out of college. And this was particularly worse in the last two semesters of my MBA course where I was just waiting for November and I wouldn't have to go to college any more (It's July, and I still have to go to college, courtesy my Sem 4 project....don't even get me started on it). And now, after almost 6 months of having starting to work, I envy the college kids with their pink BB phones I see in trains. Those, indeed, were lovely days. A time when life was a wonderfully well paid vacation. Ah, I so envy those days when my Dad would buy me a laptop and I wouldn't have to spend my salary on buying one!! And yes, there's an entire conundrum about how to file your income tax returns! Never knew growing up could suck so much!

When we were in school, I had friends whose head count ran in two digit numbers. After school got over, that number diminished, yet the two digit figure somehow sustained itself by random college friends, classes friends, friends of friends, friends of friends' boyfriends and so on.With the advent of Orkut and Facebook, the two digit number went to a good three digit number. I have some 400 odd friends on Facebook and I haven't spoken to 380 odd of them in years! And I don't see myself speaking to them in the future too. And these were all 'good' friends of mine at some point. Yes, I am very selective about whom I add!! You read my Wanna Make Fraandship series right! And I don't know why I don't talk to them anymore. What has happened that most of them have stopped resonating with me.

I am known to have a lot of bestfriends. Right now, I have 6 of them. They were 11 until two years back. And even of the 6 BFFs I have today, I see 2 of them slowly slipping away. Other 2 of these 6 are guys, so at some point either I will move apart from their lives or they'll move apart depending on who gets married first! So, I'll be left with only 2 then. So, in sum, out of 440, I'll be down to 2 friends!! And that's a scary picture to envisage! Sometimes, the only reason why you want to stop time is to maintain the status quo you have with your friends and preserve it in time. 

Like a typical teenager, I never listened to my Mom and she ended up giving me a lot of  'Talk to me when you're my age' looks and I gave her the 'Whatever' looks. And she told me, that this would happen, that one day everyone will get busy with their own lives and you'll be left to deal with yours on your own, and I refuted her claims by saying that I'll always have people. And I feel like going and telling my Mom how right she had always been. I know people grow up, they start working, get in and out of relationships, have new bosses and mothers-in-law and exes and exes of current to deal with and they get only a weekend for the same and then asking the same person to take some time out for you, is a little unfair. I also would want to finish my quota of sleep before I dash to meet my friends! But, there are some people without whom you just can't do and life is at its best when the people for whom you feel so, also feel the same for you and actually go out of their way to keep you a part of their lives. I'm glad, that I have 6 such friends.I hope I have these 6 for as long as I can. And of these 6, there's one who's posted in a tribal area of Maharashtra and he still finds network enough to call me once a week. Who wants a boyfriend, when you have a few friends who take so many pains to just talk to you! 

P.S 1 : I still wouldn't mind a boyfriend...any rich, single, handsome, intelligent Gujju reading this, please feel free to contact me!

P.S 2 : Posting for the first time from my new laptop...yeah the one I paid for myself....and it feels great!

P.S. 3: Growing up isn't about getting over Twilight and Harry Potter. Growing up is about maintaining your BFFs come bosses, exes and mothers-in-law!!

P.S. 4: Again, for the first time, I'm posting something that I've not read again, not proof read, not checked for spelling/grammar errors. I've written whatever my fingers typed. And I don't care of its shitty. After a real long time, I don't care about what people have to say about me or about what I write!

P.S 5: I'm not drunk! This post is just an after effect of being sick of calling up many numbers to 'Waiting Active'!