Dummies Guide To Gossiping!!

• What is Gossip?

Wikipedia says, Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Me says, Gossiping is just passing information from donor gossiper to a recipient gossiper about a gossipee, done to increase the recipient gossiper's knowledge base!

• Who can Gossip?

Technically, only women used to gossip in the olden days. But now, men gossip more than women! Atleast in my college they do! All my gossip sources are men! They know who's going around with whom, who broke up with whom, the reasons for it....everything!! I think this is because women trust men to keep secrets, and now we know what a wonderful job they're doing out of it!!

• When to Gossip?

You can gossip anytime you want. All you need is a gossipee and a donor gossiper with good credibility and a huge reserve of gossip information. For girls, the best time to gossip is during a night over or a girls day out! But there are some exceptions who can gossip even before their board/university exams! 

• Types of Gossip:
• Fact Gossip : This is proven information which is been merely passed to increase the recipient gossiper's worldly knowledge. E.g: You tell your NRI aunt that Deepika Padukone broke up with Ranbir Kapoor.
• Rumour Gossip : This is unproven information, which arises either due to hearsay, gut feeling or random hints passing around. E.g: You telling your NRI aunt that Ranbir cheated on Deepika because of the recent Koffee With Karan episodes.{His idea of that 'Low Battery' thing was totally innovative and cool!!}

• Gossiping Associations, if any : 

This one is made by me and my gossiper friends, so it's not official, but we're still very proud of it. It is called : Association of The Principled Gossipers where we only pass information with a warning about its type and never ever pass a character certificate on the gossipee unless of course it's a Fact Gossip that she's a bitch/slut, until then, she's innocent until proven guilty! Now I'm sounding like a big biatch!!!

• You know you're into gossiping when : 
• Your sentences begin with "You're not gonna believe this" or "Guess what"
• Your sentences end with "What are you saying?" or "This can't be true!"
• The look on your face is always let's-jump-off-the-sixth-floor when you come to know that even girls whom you thought would die single have boyfriends while you're still single! 
• You ping random alphabets to your friends when they're online on their BlackBerry so that they would get irritated and tell you the gossip they're so fiercely protecting!! 
• You feel constipated when you can't get a source who'd convert a Rumour Gossip into a Fact Gossip.
• And to try to do the above yourself, you put up suggestive status updates on Facebook and then try to infer things from the gossipee's likes/comments! 
• You keep in touch with certain people only because they're a powerhouse of gossip!

• Advantages of Gossiping :
• You feel a hormonal rush after gossiping. A feel-good kinda feeling! Guys who are troubled by their girlfriend's crankiness during PMS should most definitely do this!
• Your people and communication skills improve.
• Knowledge is knowledge and no knowledge goes waste!

• Disadvantages of Gossiping
• You can never know what people gossip about your friends because they know you are their friend. (if you don't get it, try getting a famous/most-gossiped-about friend and you'll know what I'm talking)
• You may feel depressed about the fact that the slutty friends of your have a constant stream of boyfriends, the ugly and fat ones also have a boyfriend and you don't!
• You come to know things about yourself....some may amuse you by the sheer amount of rumour in it and some might disturb you for weeks!!!

This is dedicated to all my friends with whom I gossip. And one piece of advice for you guys.....please don't ever get famous and become a well-known celebrity.....because that would tempt me into making a lot of money by writing a tell-all book on you!!! And that would be all Fact Gossip!!

This post is also dedicated to the amazing night over I had at my friend Sweta's place where we realised that a night over can be a hit without alcohol or getting drunk and being single gives you a happily sorted life!! 

As a thank you gesture for having survived my incessant pings on your BB, Utaib, I'll tell you that I'm not influencing/spoiling the girls of your class..... so stop getting jealous/paranoid about it! See, now this mention of you on my blog will make you a celebrity amongst them! And if one of them asks you out and you get married to her....you know what you'll name your first-born!! 

I'd like to end this post by a quote from one of my BFFs, "Boyfriends are for fucking...girl-friends are for gossiping and having REAL fun!!"


One last thing, all the data on my blog was random shit that came in my mind, so if you were doing a project on Gossiping and Google redirected you here....bad luck, mate. Also, I could've put the warning on top, but then I would've lost out on a reader! Sorry, I  have full sympathy for your misery! MBA is making me a big bitch!!