October 6, 2010

How to identify a Gujju guy in a crowd....

  • He wears a lot of gold. Lesser than Bappi Lahiri, though. And far lesser than a Malayali bride. But still, nevertheless, he wears gold. 
  • He has a paunch showing that he's from a khaata peeta ghar. 
  • They live to eat. Though they are the most phatoo people on earth, diabetes and heart diseases don't deter them from their Sunday binging on gathiya and jalebi and chundo with every meal ofcourse! 
  • Being overweight is a must! (My grand-dad once told me that when I'm gonna go groom-hunting, I'm gonna get rejected a lot....only because I'm underweight!!!)
  • He doesn't need airbags in cars for safety..... now, you know the reason why!
  • He's a regular customer adding up to the revenues of Navratna tel. And yet, they're mostly bald!!
  • A Gujju Man who doesn't invest in the share market is not a man enough!
  • He wears floral prints and shirts with embroidery. If they could, even strict formals would have embroidered peacocks and other birds design on them. With Svaroski crystals ofcourse!!
  • The only thing that differentiates a Gujju man's shirt from a Gujju woman's saree at a wedding is the absence of a blingy pallu
  • All they can talk about is food and money. Their priority depends on hunger level. 
  • No matter how rich they are, they have to make an obscene show of wealth....which in most cases is without class!!! See Mukesh Ambani's building in South Mumbai....it looks ugly!!!! 
  • Because they're from the business class, they're never seen indulging in any activity that doesn't give them money in return. So when the entire nation is rioting, you can be rest assured, Gujju men would be sitting at home gorging on thepla and dhokla. (the only exception was Godhra riots...but from what I heard from my relatives, the business class stayed away from it)
  • Even a 22 year old person is a babo/baby to them.
  • They don't do charity. The only charitable act they readily do is get a lot of rishtas for the aforementioned babo/baby who are clearly not interested in getting married.
  • They think of doing a G-U-J-J-U sequence from Kal Ho Na Ho at their babo/baby ki wedding!! Because they thought it was a true representative of who they are.
  • The first names that cross their mind while naming kids have to have an esh at the end of the name for a babo's name and na/sha ending for a baby's  name! (Jignesh, Jigisha,Jigna.....get the drift???)
  • The ideal hangout place for them on a Sunday evening is some relative in Borilvli/Kandivli/Malad/Ghatkopar/Mulund who wasn't quick enough to find someone else's place to go and hang out!!
  • A wedding reception is judged by the tola of gold the bride brought with her, the food at the wedding and the number of people at the wedding.
  • The wedding will never take place in any place other than the 5 mentioned
  • They haven't cleared their metric (10th standard), but will be seen giving career advice to graduates!
  • They're so much into business that even the things which are none of their business is also their business!!
  • Gujju men will never be seen doing any of the household work.... remember Indravadan Sarabhai's Main phone nahi uthaunga......main mard hoon!!! (from Sarabhai vs Sarabhai). They can't get up to even get a glass of water or take their own medicines!
  • They all think cracking jokes on their wives is funny. (Well, some of them are!!)
  • They have egos double the size of Burj Khalifa
  • Still, only Gujju men can laugh at themselves! They love self-deprecating humour!! 

After reading this post, I now know that I'm never getting married!!!!! Or I may get married to a Gujju guy who is smart, intelligent, rich, good looking, speaks good english and is nothing like what I've mentioned so far..... so if you think you are that, leave a flirtatious comment with your display pic on! 

And for ending the post, you have to absolutely see this video......... 


Gujju men, I know you don't riot....so please don't come hunting for me!!!!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!! had me in splits!!!!! an in ur face comedy with exact depiction of how gen-x gujjus are!!!!!!!!

the video is actually super funny!!!!!!

ankit shroff here....sorry had sign-in probs!!!!!

Aamir Ayubi said...

LOVEDDDDDDDD it Nupur yaaar :)

Im not even a Gujju but i could relate what you said, as an erstwhile best friend, now gone astray used to be a Gujju too..

Nupur said...

@ Ankit : Thanks re!! I so missed bashing up Gujjus!!

Nupur said...

@ Aamir : Thank you!!

Nashfi said...

Hahahah.....very nice nupur! one more thing is their "Daala" concept, Shirt Daala, Ghadi daala....

Nupur said...

@ Nashfi: Yeah I remember you told me that once!

rautsaurabh said...

ekdum saras....khaman dhoklo no mafik saachi vaat...

Nupur said...

@ Saurabh : Thanks!!

arshat.chaudhary said...

Could you answer this for me?

Are you a gujju or not?! Look at you make fun of the poor guys :). I loved this post. I have so many gujju frds, and dont agree to their ways and still am best friends with some :)

Pavitra .... said...

Hahaha...I'm surrounded by Gujjus....so everything you've written is absolutely true....
Gr8 post!! :)

left unseen yet seen because.... said...

babo...babo..babo...babo..babo...babo...omg...lol..lol...NUPUR IS BACK...i am playing nashik dhol to welcome her...lovely post...m still laufing...

DIVINE COMEDY said...

awesome post..u r really good

Mustafa Ayubi said...

Have been reading your blog for quite some time now....
love the way you put it across...
Super fine BABY.....
Su vaat che taari....

sohil popat said...

hehehehe,,,,,,,,,,,,awsome......proud to be a gujju