March 24, 2011

My Blog's 3rd Happywala Birthday!!!!

It is my bloggie's 3rd Happywala Birthday today!!! Yay!!!! I am so happy!!!  Unlearning the Muteness, my baby is three today! And I'm so proud of my small baby! It has grown so much over the past three years. Grew up and taught me a lot too. Gave me adulation, gave me fans, gave me followers, gave me respect, gave me my job (7 out of 10 minutes of my job interview was on my blog!!), gave me people who look up to me for advice.... in short, my blog has given me a lot... a lot more than I had imagined or wished for when I had started out. It has helped me when I was sad, made me happy by showing me awesome comments first thing in the morning that make my day! It has made me famous!!! I am someone, and I am that someone on my own! And that's a great feeling to feel! 

I had thought of so many other things to write on this occasion but right now, I am so overcome by emotions that nothing is just getting penned down! Maybe this is what it feels to be a parent! My baby is 3 years old!! I am sooooo happyyyyyy!!!! 

March 12, 2011

Things Women Will Never Understand About Men!

One thing that I have accepted in my life is that I have to live with the 'feminist' tag for the rest of my life, even though I am not one! This is not a feminist post.... I am not trying to bash men or make fun of them. I'm just trying to ask them to please explain some of their quirks! You can use the comment section for it. 

In my earlier post, I have mentioned a lot about train travel. Now, one thing that I have noticed on railway platforms is that the men's loo is always right where the ladies coach is supposed to halt!! I've confirmed it for Andheri, Dadar and Elphinstone stations! And trust me, you can't cross these stations without covering your nose, even if you're in the train. I really feel bad for women who have to board trains from these platforms!! Now, what I don't understand about men is that why do their loo have to stink so much! And it is not only at the Railway stations... I've noticed it at a lot of other places as well! So men, what are you doing inside? Target practice? If, yes, then you need a lot more practice to improve your aim!!! And no cracking jokes on how you can pee anywhere while on a road trip!! We know that the world is your loo, and we also stay in that world, so please make it beautiful for us! We make your world beautiful by wearing short and revelaing clothes right, so you too, please do the needful and stop peeing around! Please, don't ever wear revealing clothes.. we're not interested in seeing your Kalvin Clean undies!! And you thought we had a problem only with you not putting the toilet seat down!

After two aborted and unsuccessful attempts at learning how to drive a car, I've quit!! I'm now a license holder since the past 3 years who can't drive the car beyond the second gear! I've quit because I can't have my Dad yelling at me at 6 in the morning!! I just simply can't begin my day like that!! You can't even yell back or show your middle finger and walk off like you would do to your husband if you were to learn driving from him! Now, that's what I am planning to do. I can yell back at my husband, hit him, cry, make him sleep on the couch for a week if he yells at me.... and you can't do any of these things with your Dad. So, women, be wise and learn driving after you're married!! And if you're 23 and Gujju, don't cry in front of your Dad...EVER. A person who is mentally prepared to give you away to someone else is not going to melt with tears! You need emotional blackmail of a totally different level to melt that heart! Anyways, life gyaan apart, what I want to understand is why can't men be more PATIENT while teaching a girl how to drive? We are not naturally blessed to learn it as easily as you did. I admit, most women are bad drivers, but you can help create a little less bad driver! Have patience guys, the rewards will be worth it!

Now, one interesting thing that I came across while chatting with a guy friend is that, men don't get scared if they are made to sleep on the couch. So, for all the women reading this, if you have a fight with your husband, don't make him sleep on the couch, because, they love it. They say, by sleeping on the couch, they can watch uninterrupted and unregulated TV all night! {Unregulated was the catch word! Use the parental controls on TV wisely, girls} So, if you want to punish your guy for yelling at you, hide the remote and the hard drive! OMG, I sound so prepared for marriage.... that's what happens when you have one classmate after the other getting married!! Now, I hope my would-be-husband is not reading this blog, or else even he'll come prepared! 

Another thing I really want men to answer is what goes in your mind when women talk to you about our men problems and want a man's perspective on it. I have personally noticed this and still don't know what is on your minds!As part of research for my blog and gyaan on men in general, I tried faking a problem and talking about it. Two of my friends changed the topic thinking I wouldn't notice. One started talking about some SAP project he bagged in office, and when confronted, he confirmed he wasn't listening to me and was lost in his own world. And the last one, listened to the entire problem and spoke exactly the things that a girl needs to hear when she's talking about a guy problem.... just abuse the guy and say how much better you were for him! Maybe the last friend did that because he's my oldest guy friend and experience tells him, there's no option that he has but to listen to my problem and say things that I want to hear! But still, I really want to know what are men thinking when we talk about other men-induced problems to you. While we are at this topic, I have to absolutely narrate this chat to you that I had with another guy friend.

Me : (guy's name) is such an asshole.
Him: Why? What did he do now?
Me: He didn't reply to my message (Yes, it doesn't matter of you're 13 or 23, the he-didn't-call/reply problem continues to haunt our existence!)
Him: Hmm. (wondering in his head : Tell me something new!)
Me: All guys are such assholes yaar!
Him: Don't you think it is women who are experts at picking assholes from the basket. There are non-asshole guys too who never get picked!
Me: Assholes don't come with a 'Asshole Ahead, Tread Carefully' sign on their forehead, then how are we supposed to know who's an asshole and who's not!

I couldn't help but laugh my heart out at this conversation!!And women, it is ok..... Men really don't come with the 'Asshole Ahead, Tread Carefully' sign on their forehead, so it is ok if you pick them. 

So, men, here is the golden chance to tell us women your side of the story! This blog boasts of both male and female audience, so don't miss your opportunity to be heard! And give me valuable data for research! Talk about Occupational Hazards!! 

March 2, 2011

You Know You've Started Earning When....

You know you've started earning when
  1. Your entire life depends on catching the 8.43 Churchgate slow from Andheri
  2. You start having your breakfast in train. More imprtantly, you start having breakfast in the first place!
  3. You know it's a festival day when you see an empty train!
  4. Big festivals become more important to you than your birthday!
  5. Your Facebook status updates have a lot of 'train' mentionings! {People, please be considerate when you criticise my train stat-ups....all that a single person can do in trains is tell the world about train travel}
  6. Your phone becomes the be all and end all of life. You can make/recieve calls/messages, you can come online, you just can't blog so you start wanting a BlackBerry! {This post has been written as a draft SMS on my phone! So, if you want to read more blogs, please contribute generously to my BlackBerry Fund... read ahead about it}
  7. For non bloggers, you start longing for a BlackBerry because now, you can afford it. Ok, whom are we kidding, it's just the freaking peer pressure to get one!!
  8. Your Facebook addiction remains the same, just the means on coming online changes!
  9. Your daily one-hour phone calls to your BFF is now a 10-minute call on weekends!
  10. Your sleep is more dear to you than meeting friends.
  11. You have to placate your friends by promising to go on a only-you-and-me date with them because they are upset with you for not having time {Sweta, this one's for you!}
  12. You stop wearing red nail-polish, something that was a part of your identity {sob sob}
  13. You move on to giving career advice from giving love/life gyaan! And people think you're really smart! Hehaw!!!
  14. You know understand why your Dad and uncles paid so much attention to the Financial Budget every year
  15. But still, the only thing yhat you are interested in the budget is knowing the tax slabs! And it hurts to pay 10 percentage points more tax than your friends. But you always have other friends who pay 10 percentage points more tax than you, so that's comforting!
  16. You've never cared about the money pocketed by politicians until you see your salary with TDS!
  17. You still have no clue where your hard earned money goes.... in someone's Swiss account, in making education free for rich OBC/ST/SCs, in making a bridge for 15 years, in redeveloping slums that still look the same, you're as clueless as a child in a topless bar!
  18. You get to know aate dal ka bhav!
  19. For people who've been reading my story, if you want to read further, please contribute for my BlackBerry fund, because that's the only way I'll be able to write. For people who've been reading, loving, going bonkers over my blog, you also, please do the same. If you guys can spend 200 bucks on mindless entertainment like Dabangg, you can definitely spend 500 bucks for intellectual entertainment from me! I accept only cash. Counterfeit notes not accepted! {I don't want to waste my hard earned salary on a phone, hence the fund!!}
  20. The only time you have in a day to read the 52 unread messages you got during the day is on your way back, in train!! {Yes, I have a lot of fan mail...oops, fan messages to reply to!}
  21. How much ever you don't like or don't want it to happen, money gets onto your head. A little bit does!!
Wow! So now the lady sitting across me thinks I have a boyfriend because I'm on the phone since I got in. Lady, I'm blogging and that's way cooler than having a boyfriend.... when you have a boyfriend, you have only one fan, but when you blog, you have a lot of fans!!  So, this post is dedicated to you, Miss. Lady Sitting Across Me..... I don't have a boyfriend.... but if you are rich and have a hot 25 year old son, I may be interested! I won't mind a lot of fans + 1!!