December 18, 2010

Old Romances Die Hard

You know, there are phases in a person's life when one loses himself or herself in the crowd and then, later on,begins to ponder over his/her identity and individuality which had been lost. For me, reading and blogging/writing was my identity. For me it was not Cogito Ergo Sum (I Think, Therefore I am), but Bloggito Ergo Sum! And then, suddenly all this stopped! Thankfully, I started blogging some months back, but the lack of reading still shows on me! I read a couple of books intermittently but that satisfaction one gets from reading a book is missing. The want to be voluntarily socially ostracized while reading a book is missing!! And I'm so happy, that after almost 18 months I'm now back to being the voracious reader that I once was! I'm currently reading Superpower: The Amazing Race Between China's Hare and India's Tortoise and since a week, I've hardly come online and hardly received/made phone calls to people which is quite an achievement for me!! There's a different high in reading a good book....and this one is a cracker of a book...!! Life for me would be heaven if I were to be locked up in a library for the rest of my life (with a daily supply of Subway sandwiches and/or Pizza Hut pizzaz!). Who needs a man for company, when books are such un-complicated and low-maintenance substitutes and they put in some sense in your head unlike the case with men! ('Men' have become the new 'Gujjus' for me...I have to take potshots at them wherever possible!). Old romances die hard....and I just got reunited with my first love!

Talking about old romances, no matter how much people may ridicule me about liking Edward Cullen, my thing for him just doesn't go! Edward Cullen is to women what Angelina Jolie is to men.... no matter what camera angle is used, we'll never find those lips sexy and you shall never find Edward's vampirey smile sexy!!! The thing why women like him is because he's this perfect blend of a chivalrous gentleman who'd die for Bella and this living on the edge, forbidden, bad boy who'd kill for Bella (and Bella too, if the kiss would go too deep!!!) And yes, it is true, girls totally fall for bad boys. There is a totally different level of attraction at work in this case! We may not have testosterone, but we do have adrenaline! This is one reason VJ Rannvijay has done so well in his career! The entire bad boy+biker+adventure sports+piercing thing totally has women swooning for him! And I think he's the only guy who won't be stoned by the fashion police for wearing a tie and blazer over three-fourths because he carries it off so well!! Or maybe I'm the only one deeply in love with him to think like this! The only thing missing in him is tattoos. And this is taken care by Virat Kohli in the Fasttrack ads! I love this ad for sheer attitude he's throwing around although I still don't get the concept of Move On that has been adopted by Fasttrack! Virat Kohli is no Irfan Pathan for me, but he comes close to being my first cricketer crush besides Irfan Pathan in 7 years! Irfan may not be playing for India, but I still like him....Old romances die hard.....didn't I just say that!!!

Talking about old romances, I'm tempted to talk about how stunning Madhuri Dixit looks even at 45. And that smile….it still dazzles more than Edward dazzles in the sun!! And looking at her on TV makes you realize that there was a gap left when she quit acting which still hasn’t been filled. With Saawariya and Dilli 6, I thought Sonam had the acting talent, smile and dancing skills to be the next Madhuri, but now, I feel it was such an erroneous conclusion I was coming to! The ‘style diva’ and ‘fashionista’ tags have been taken rather seriously by her and she’s given them more importance than acting well! Two words that I have for Sonam are vaaydi and chaapli! And I’m still trying to figure out the English counterparts to these Gujju words! Imran Khan was right, Sonam should focus more on movies than magazine covers! Anyways, coming back to Madhuri, I feel proud of one more thing…. Microbiologists have varied talents that go beyond looking into the microscopes!

Old romances also brings up a good question on how to deal when you’re constantly being asked about your ex. Hats off to Deepika Padukone for constantly bearing it and then finally showing off her fangs on Koffee with Karan! But I still feel that silence is the best weapon, it truly is golden and dignified. And most importantly, it hits men where it hurts the most…..not the area…but the male ego! I feel that these actors act better off screen than on screen. I can’t imagine myself talking about my ex right after my break-up with a straight face on national TV without going into a trance!! And then knowing for a fact that he left you for a hotter chick! Ouch, that hurts!! I never like Deepika till now, but her appearance on Koffee with Karan has earned her one fan (and free publicity on my blog too!) She’s been strong and then handsomely rewarded too with the not so handsome looks-wise but veryyyyy handsome money-wise Siddharth Mallya! But she still is one lucky girl for sure.... one scion dumped her and she landed right in the arms of another!

Romance new or old, these days deals with lust more than love, I think! I mean celebs are openly talking about their sex lives on TV, people roam around colleges with love bites on necks….all this makes me think if I’m the only 16th century fossil around who thinks that sex is best left between two people and a closed door! And then, Indian Television is flooded with making-you-feel-sick-until-you-puke condom ads like this one! The tag-line for this brand I reckon is Excitement that she can’t hide and I feel like asking the brand manager if it’s only the woman who gets excited and not the man…and if that’s the case then I think as a part of Selling Promotions, they need to give Viagra free with the condoms!! Indians make the best ads in the world when it comes to financial products/services and insurance things but why do we suck at making condom ads? Internationally, I believe, condom ads are one of the most creative ones! Check this and this out. They’re really interesting without being vulgar or gross. 

People say one never forgets his/her first's true to a large extent but I think given time, one can definitely move on to such a great extent that the memories of that first love will only bring a smile on your face and make you think as to how stupid you were at that age! It is possible to get over your first love, and just like that even having a good romantic story for yourself is possible. Old romances do die should know how and when to choke it so that a new one can come :-)

P.S : For people not watching Koffee with Karan, please do some work to increase your general awareness and start watching the show. For starters, youtube the videos to know what I'm talking about! 

December 5, 2010

Dummies Guide To Gossiping!!

  • What is Gossip?
Wikipedia says, Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Me says, Gossiping is just passing information from donor gossiper to a recipient gossiper about a gossipee, done to increase the recipient gossiper's knowledge base!
  • Who can Gossip?
Technically, only women used to gossip in the olden days. But now, men gossip more than women! Atleast in my college they do! All my gossip sources are men! They know who's going around with whom, who broke up with whom, the reasons for it....everything!! I think this is because women trust men to keep secrets, and now we know what a wonderful job they're doing out of it!!
  • When to Gossip?
You can gossip anytime you want. All you need is a gossipee and a donor gossiper with good credibility and a huge reserve of gossip information. For girls, the best time to gossip is during a night over or a girls day out! But there are some exceptions who can gossip even before their board/university exams! 

  • Types of Gossip:
    • Fact Gossip : This is proven information which is been merely passed to increase the recipient gossiper's worldly knowledge. E.g: You tell your NRI aunt that Deepika Padukone broke up with Ranbir Kapoor.
    • Rumour Gossip : This is unproven information, which arises either due to hearsay, gut feeling or random hints passing around. E.g: You telling your NRI aunt that Ranbir cheated on Deepika because of the recent Koffee With Karan episodes.{His idea of that 'Low Battery' thing was totally innovative and cool!!}
  • Gossiping Associations, if any : 
This one is made by me and my gossiper friends, so it's not official, but we're still very proud of it. It is called : Association of The Principled Gossipers where we only pass information with a warning about its type and never ever pass a character certificate on the gossipee unless of course it's a Fact Gossip that she's a bitch/slut, until then, she's innocent until proven guilty! Now I'm sounding like a big biatch!!!

  • You know you're into gossiping when : 
    • Your sentences begin with "You're not gonna believe this" or "Guess what"
    • Your sentences end with "What are you saying?" or "This can't be true!"
    • The look on your face is always let's-jump-off-the-sixth-floor when you come to know that even girls whom you thought would die single have boyfriends while you're still single! 
    • You ping random alphabets to your friends when they're online on their BlackBerry so that they would get irritated and tell you the gossip they're so fiercely protecting!! 
    • You feel constipated when you can't get a source who'd convert a Rumour Gossip into a Fact Gossip.
    • And to try to do the above yourself, you put up suggestive status updates on Facebook and then try to infer things from the gossipee's likes/comments! 
    • You keep in touch with certain people only because they're a powerhouse of gossip!
  • Advantages of Gossiping :
    • You feel a hormonal rush after gossiping. A feel-good kinda feeling! Guys who are troubled by their girlfriend's crankiness during PMS should most definitely do this!
    • Your people and communication skills improve.
    • Knowledge is knowledge and no knowledge goes waste!
  • Disadvantages of Gossiping
    • You can never know what people gossip about your friends because they know you are their friend. (if you don't get it, try getting a famous/most-gossiped-about friend and you'll know what I'm talking)
    • You may feel depressed about the fact that the slutty friends of your have a constant stream of boyfriends, the ugly and fat ones also have a boyfriend and you don't!
    • You come to know things about yourself....some may amuse you by the sheer amount of rumour in it and some might disturb you for weeks!!!

This is dedicated to all my friends with whom I gossip. And one piece of advice for you guys.....please don't ever get famous and become a well-known celebrity.....because that would tempt me into making a lot of money by writing a tell-all book on you!!! And that would be all Fact Gossip!!

This post is also dedicated to the amazing night over I had at my friend Sweta's place where we realised that a night over can be a hit without alcohol or getting drunk and being single gives you a happily sorted life!! 

As a thank you gesture for having survived my incessant pings on your BB, Utaib, I'll tell you that I'm not influencing/spoiling the girls of your class..... so stop getting jealous/paranoid about it! See, now this mention of you on my blog will make you a celebrity amongst them! And if one of them asks you out and you get married to know what you'll name your first-born!! 

I'd like to end this post by a quote from one of my BFFs, "Boyfriends are for fucking...girl-friends are for gossiping and having REAL fun!!"

One last thing, all the data on my blog was random shit that came in my mind, so if you were doing a project on Gossiping and Google redirected you here....bad luck, mate. Also, I could've put the warning on top, but then I would've lost out on a reader! Sorry, I  have full sympathy for your misery! MBA is making me a big bitch!!

November 25, 2010

Not So Common Cold!

The worst illness to have hit humans is the common cold! The only thing common about it is that its affects the entire human race but there's no beeping cure for it! And that's because the virus that causes the cold mutates so quickly, that no medicines would be able to kill them. (I'm surprised I still remember my Microbiology!!). So, as always, my exam time is jinx time, and as per the jinx, I HAVE to fall ill during exams. And this time, it's the beeping cold! I normally don't abuse on my blog, but suffer from a cold for a week and you'll know what I'm talking about!! But it's just so weird.... when I was doing Biotech, my friends and I have literally gulped down live cultures of Salmonella (causative agent for Typhoid and food poisoning)  and E.coli (certain strains cause food poisoning), but never for once fell sick, but now, when we're all out of the lab and miles away from these pathogens, we're falling sick!! Life is so ironical! I must admit, working between burners was more fun than interpreting data from morbid Excel sheets! Grass is always greener on the other side of the court, but having played on both the courts, I must say, both the courts suck!! Be a spectator, don't get educated at all , because all education does is teach you for 1/4th of your life how to ruin the remaining 3/4th!

Coming back to the topic of common cold, the only good thing about having a cold is that your voice becomes husky and you start sounding sexy!!! I was talking to a friend of mine in this husky, sexy voice, when jealous of my new found husky, sexy voice, she told me  that kissing is an unproven medicine for cold! She had found it out with her boyfriend, so she suggested it to me, to which I felt like thanking her for chidkoing namak on my jala. First, I'm single, second, I'm suffering from cold and you suggest kissing as a medicine! How much more sadistic could you be!! So, all the couples reading this, please try it, if I get more people to prove that this data was statistically significant, I'll quicken my process of finding a boyfriend!

So, along with D-Cold, Crocin, Vicks, now even kissing is off the list for the medicines that can cure my cold. On a night over with my friends, where everyone was gorging on ice-cream and I had to admire their beautiful faces whiles they were doing so, my friends urged me to have a scoop of ice-cream, as, according to them, thanda hi thande ko maarta hain! Hence I tried having melted ice-cream, but to no avail. In fact you can't even taste half of your food because your taste buds have gone on a long vacation! Finally, I drank a glass full of cold Pepsi, just irritated that nothing was helping my cold, and miraculously, my cold was cured! No kidding!! I was surprised myself! So, now apart from making you obese and helping your Mom clean toilets better, Pepsi can cure cold!!! Oh man! Indra Nooyi, now owes me a couple of million dollars for this serendipitous product feature that I came across!! I'm so happy, most of my one week cold has gone now, and so has my husky sexy voice :-(

I'm also happy, that finally Pepsi brand managers have decided to go back to the old Pepsi PET bottle. The bottle they were using before reverting back was really ugly!! Not uglier than Antilia, but still, ugly enough to make people buy Coke!! I don't know why my Dad still disagrees with me that Antilia is an ugly building. I mean, it looks like a Tetris game ended abruptly!!! Seriously, MasterCard is right, there are certain things money can't buy. And one of them is classy taste! I think I should end this topic here, or else I'll be accused of being anti-Gujjus and anti-men all the time!!

P.S : I'm NOT a feminist, and can never be one. Hopeless, incurable romantics can never be feminists!! And I'm not anti-Gujju as well, I just love to make fun of them

November 17, 2010

How Does She Do It???

I don't believe that I'm admitting this, but I must say that, I agree with men when they say it's really difficult to understand a woman! Being a woman myself, I don't understand them! Because it's more than just 2 hormones calling the shots for them! What that is, is something mankind or womankind will never know! From where does she get strength which is inversely proportional to her size? And how does she fucking do it!

For every time her crush got crushed when he made an appearance with his girlfriend, she has the hope, faith and the patience to wait for her Edward Cullen who'd want to show her off in front of the entire world. (The silver Volvo is just a bonus *wink*)

She may be one of the top 10% brains in the country but she'll be stupid enough to go against the worldly wisdom and practicality and actually reject a guy with an empire for a guy without one, only because he said he loved her!

For every time she cribbed about abdominal pains during PMS, she has the strength to go through hours of labour to deliver a kid. ( I just became a masi! Yay!!!)

For every time she sat on a staircase begging her guy to not leave her and go, she finds the strength to pick herself up within months and say no to go back to him when he is begging her to take him back!

For every night she cries herself to sleep, she has the guts the next morning to let her ex-guy's phone ring in her hand and let it become a missed call. A very dear friend does this everyday, and I still don't know how she does it!

For every girl who carries on with a shitty relationship, consoling herself, that maybe one day her guy would stop being the retard in tin foil and start being her knight in shining armour, there's another girl who has the guts to get out of a shitty relationship even if it means carrying the tattoo of your ex's initials all your life....and carrying emotional AND physical baggage of that failed relationship forever! (I really bow down to Deepika Padukone for this one!)

For every girl who grew up imagining a guy like Raj for her, she has the nerves of steel to make a compromise and marry a guy like Kuljeet. (You won't get this one unless you're a die hard Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge fan!)

They say, that girls are more emotional and get attached to things and people more easily than men, still, since centuries, they've had the heart to leave it all up one fine day to pick up another life at an age when a human stops learning, she's learning to live life anew!

She may not have the physical strength to hit you back, were you to hit her, but she'll have a heart big enough to wipe your tears were you to feel guilty about it or have an explanation ready to give to people if they ask her about the marks.

For every time she nagged you for not meeting/saying I-love-you/calling back/replying to a text 17 times a day, she'll have the strength to  keep a stone on her heart, a tearless smile on her face and be your strength while bidding a goodbye to you  if you're going abroad and not returning for another couple of years. 
(Dooriyan bhi hain zaroori.....zaroori hain yeh dooriyan!! Amazing song from Break Ke Baad)

The laws of nature say that two sautans can never be friends and they are always vying for each other's blood, but then, in some remote corner of Earth, you'll find a Mariam giving her life so that Laila could make a new start and have a happy life for herself.... (So beautifully written in Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns)

She may be scared of cockroaches, but when she comes to running a home/company/nation, she'll do a much better job then most men.... and she can multitask, rule with an iron fist, be the only MAN in a cabinet full of men, quasi run the country where there are 28 small countries in itself, a country in which she is considered a  'foreigner' and do it with ease!

She may have the means, resources and the audience to defame you in public by waging an online war, but she won't....because even for a blabbermouth, silence, is sometimes golden. Wars are not waged when only one opponent has an edge over the other....that's not how Librans fight!

November 4, 2010

Who's A BFF??

A lot of guys have been asking me what a BFF here's a low-down on what a BFF is and who is BFF is. It is Best Friends Forever, by the way!

Who is a BFF?

  • A BFF is a person who knows you inside out
  • A BFF is a person who can understand your silence and knows when your leave-me-alone needs a hug and when your leave-me-alone actually needs you to be left alone
  • A BFF is a person with whom you can sit at Juhu beach for hours, staring into nothingness and yet feel that you've had the best conversation of your life
  • A BFF is a person for whose birthday gift, you won't mind fighting with your other best friends....only because you want the gift to be in a certain way!
  • A BFF is a person who can have a crush on all your crushes, but yet never fight about!
  • A BFF is a person who can say YUCK to your crush and you not pulling her hair out ! And then, you start having second thoughts about him!
  • A BFF is a person who has to be the first person given a call to by your husband when your water breaks!!
  • A BFF is a person who has to pick up your call within 5 rings....even if you're on your honeymoon!
  • A BFF is a person who would never mind you being a perpetual kabab-main-haddi when she's out with her guy and you're also there!!! Because she knows that you two go as a package deal!
  • A BFF is a person who would laugh with you about all your guy problems 5 years after you've had them!
  • A BFF is a person with whom you'd strike all your baby-sitting deals with!
  • A BFF is a person who'd draw 200+ diagrams of different forms of leaves,roots and flowers for your Botany journal for that you can flirt with your guy!
  • A BFF would be the first person to come and meet you after you've back come to the country after a 3 month vacation!
  • A BFF is a person who would know your darkest secret but will never spill it out. Not even for a tell-all book on you, were you to get famous!
  • A BFF is a person whom you can tell things about yourself which you wouldn't even tell your guy!
  • A BFF is the only person whom you can tell, "I'm losing it, I need a psychiatrist!" and she's say, "You don't need anyone while I'm still there!"
  • A BFF is a person who'd clean up all the mess you've made of yourself and do it again and again until you learn cleaning up after your acts!
  • A BFF is a person who would wipe out her break up tears so that she can console you about your break up!
  • A BFF is a person is the only person who could make you laugh while your eyes are still shedding tears!!
  • A BFF is a person who'd say YES when you ask her if your ex would marry his new girlfriend and you'd still have a smile on your face because you know that you have something those two don't have......your BFF!Yes, A BFF is the result of good karma in your previous birth!
  • Friends, best friends, boyfriends come and go. A BFF is like your parents.....they come and never go!

I read a research somewhere which said that women are at a lower risk of death due to depression as compared to men. And I think, the reason is that women are more prone to TALK about their lives to their BFFs than men! This post is dedicated to all my BFFs! 

October 31, 2010

For The Love Of Shoes

Since the past 10 days or something, Khar and Bandra have been painted red with ads of this particular brand. For the first few days, it was a teaser campaign. All that was revealed in the brilliantly creative ads was that the ads were for a shoe brand. Some of the teaser ads that I remember had their copies something like "Is there anything like too many shoes?Not in our world" , "More than women, men have a lot to thank the person who invented stilettos!" but the killer-est of all was " A Stiletto is more an attitude than just a high heeled shoe!!" I just absolutely loved the last one! It was huuuuge banner right outside Bandra (W) station.....right near the exit which co-incidentally comes near the ladies compartment!!! What a positioning of the ad! The size made sure no one missed it, and the positioning, well, had women let go 2-3 of the much coveted autos near the station as they were just fixated with the picture of a red stiletto that was alongside the copy!!!   

Then the teaser period was over and it was revealed that the shoe brand was Tata's foray into shoe retail with a new brand called TASHI. And the ads that came up later on were as amazing as before! The entire campaign (creative) was handled by Leo Burnett. My thing for getting into advertising is getting stronger by the day!

When I used to look at other people who used to have a passion for collecting things, I would often wonder, what's my passion? Something that I would collect? People loved and collected watches, for some it was bags, for some other  people, it was books. When I used to look at them and envy their passion and collection, I'd pacify myself and say, "I love blogs, and I'm proud of the collection I have and I'm constantly on the lookout for better blogs", but I still felt the need to have something more tangible to collect. I'm a human afterall, and a Gujju at that....showing off is coded in each of my nucleotide!!! 

During a boring afternoon in May when I was passing time chatting with Manalee to ward off my jobless afternoon at my summer internship office, she suggested that we work our asses off for a year, earn great bucks and then go spend all of it on designer stuff in Bangkok in an all-girls trip in 2012.(And you thought Bangkok was heaven only for guys!!!!). Then, I went on the Jimmy Choo website and looked for some shoes.That's when I totalllllllllllly fell in love with them and found my tangible passion!! It was this pair of shoes that took my breath away. Red stilettos.....and when paired with a LBD (Little black dress) and red nails, an amazing solitaire on your finger and a sexy clutch......what else would a woman want (to kill other women with jealousy and men know what!). Yes, for people from my class wondering where else they've seen the shoe, you've seen it on my's my wallpaper when I'm too tired of looking at my pics!


So, now, I'm all geared up to spend most of my earnings on Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, Aldos and Nine Wests! Right after I saw these red pumps, I happened to watch Sex And The City- The Movie (1) and when Mr.Big proposes to Carrie with this (pic below), I for the first time, felt the need for a diamond ring to be obviated if I were getting something like these!!! But if my guy loves me too much and would want to see a smile on my face, he can get me the ring too.... I won't mind at all! In return, I'll forgive him for forgetting one birthday and one anniversary! And if he's making a shoe closet in our home and letting me buy shoes enough to just fill the closest, he can forget birthdays and anniversaries forever! I'll never complain or frown. The next day after the forgotten day, he should just go and buy me a new pair of shoes. That's all I'd ask for! See, I'm gonna make such a wonderful wife! I'm so understanding!! 

See, at the end of the day, a woman wants only 4 animals with her... A Jaguar in her garage, a tiger on the bed, A mink in her closet....and a donkey to pay all the bills!! 

P.S: Thank you Aanchal, Vinod, Smeet, Rao and Shraddha for participating in my midnight poll and helping me choose the hottest LBD! 

October 26, 2010

There's Something About Love!!!

As kids, we read about it in fairytales, as teens/tweens, we read it in the Twilight series.... that there'll be one day when there'll be a knight(vampire) in shining armour who will come and sweep you off your feet and take you with him on his white horse(shiny silver Volvo) to a castle far far away for a lifetime of happily ever after. And since that day, you've been dreaming of the perfect day with the perfect guy in the perfect white dress.

You're one of the lucky few to fall in love with a non-jerk guy who's head over heels for you, who'd do just about anything to see a smile on your face, but you still can't have your happily-ever-after with him. Why? Because you forgot that you, who prays at a temple can't marry a guy who offers his prayers at a mosque. Because you eat dhokla and he eats dosa.... so your parents don't want you two to marry because they're concerned with what your kids would eat and where they would pray!

Since May, all I'm seeing is one after another relationship falling apart. Seen about 6 break-ups, and half of them are because the guy was a jerk who cheated on his all-loving girlfriend(I have numbers and live examples, so all you people who'd rush to say that I'm being a feminist may well shut their traps!), and the other half was due to the fact that there's no future for an inter-caste marriage in India. Not yet. Not even in the 21st century!! The most funny part that I can see in this situation is that this generation of ours is the guinea pig of all cultural transitions.Because we're obedient enough to break up our relationships for our parents......but I don't think our kids are going to be that obedient!!!!!

I love and respect what parents do for their kids, but this is the only aspect of the American culture that I prefer over its Indian counterpart. Having the right to choose our own life partners. And I think this tendency comes from the fact that we Indians are too used to be spoon-fed. Be it at home, where we have our Moms clearing up after us, teachers giving us question banks before exams, loving girl-friends to do assignments, we just love being spoon-fed. That's why this entire arranged marriage concept worked for so long. I'm not against this concept.....I'm just against it being forced on people who've found their partners themselves.

People also say that why fall in love with a person you know you can't have a future with? The answer to it is simple.... LOVE. There's something about it that makes you forget the world. Even your rationale that tells you you're gonna get hurt real bad one day. Maybe your ego and superego go to sleep...and it's only your Id that's working....which needs instant gratification.....which is the person you're in love with! There was this interesting article I read online, which spoke on the same lines. You can read it here. Also, a long time back I had this debate with a friend as to which is a more powerful or hate. Being an incurable and hopeless romantic, I said it's love and my friend disagreed and gave me a very good example of hate being the more powerful of two and she said, that's what explains, the brainwashing of recruits while training them for the so-called  jehad, and I didn't have a counter argument to her then, but now, after witnessing certain things in 3D life, I have the perfect example to fight back! Sample this. Your ex, just after 2 months of break up with you starts seeing a new chick while you still spend nights crying over him. So you hate the new bitch he's with. You hate her not because she's a low life or whatever..... you hate her only because you still fucking love your ex and maybe she's fucking him!! You wouldn't have cared about this low-life bitch had you had a new arm-candy to yourself, isn't it?? Point proved. One-all, Aanchal!

When I spoke about inter-castes to my Mom, she said, that they don't work because there's a cultural difference between the two people that would come into action once the honeymoon period of the relationship is over. The point is valid till some extent, but, I think people from this generation, you and me, we are from the same culture.Let's call it the Facebook culture. I think our parents' culture is different, and they'll never understand our need to Facebook and our Facebook culture! And in the Facebook culture, all that matters is that you're in a relationship.....with whom? No one cares!! And just like Facebook, it would be so cool if you could block your profile and lives selectively from all the prying aunts!!

P.S : I know this was a sensitive topic, and my views could've been blasphemous to many, but, I don't give a rat's ass!!

P.P.S: For people who've not noticed, I've boycotted talking to people who remembered my birthday but didn't CALL ME to wish because they were either travelling or sleeping when I called to remind them to wish me. I am upset and angry!!

October 10, 2010

Why a guy would want to be a girl

*Reposting an old post*

Read Why a girl would want to be a guy here

  • You're the most protected and sheltered one in your family
  • You can wear pink....
  • You can carry off floral print without looking like a Hawaii return or a Gujju!
  • Nobody accuses you of cross dressing if you happen to wear your guy's shirt
  • You do not have to pay anywhere!
  • You get rickshaws/taxis comparatively easily.(Your one "rickshaw" call launches a thousand rickshaws!)
  • You never have to take the pain of just have to grace the front seat.
  • Your primary business in the car is changing the CDs(Giving directions is futile...they're never acted upon,even when you're DEAD SURE about it!)
  • You never have to do anything... most of the times things are taken care of!
  • If they are not, then all you need to do is flutter your eye lids at great speed and say PLEASE in a very soft and bechari voice!
  • You're Daddy's favourite... hence you've never heard the word NO!
  • You can GOSSIP and BITCH...that's the centre of the universe for you
  • Cat fights have made you a stronger person, physically!
  • Your punches may not hurt.....but your nails definitely do!!
  • You have reservations everywhere! eg: buses and trains!
  • You do not have to pay fees in junior college and school
  • You abuse in English... and sound classy
  • "P" words from you scare the most toughest of guys! (Pregnancy, periods, PMS etc)
  • Sports means flying-in-the-air hair,cute faces, bulging biceps, strong short Greek God replicas in the form of sportspersons!
  • You get to put wear make up and look like a Homo Sapien
  • You are pampered and loved the most when pregnant.
  • You can give birth.... something that's so selfless.
  • You are mentally very very very strong.
  • Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....
 And the most important of them all.....
  • YOU CAN CRY!!!

October 6, 2010

How to identify a Gujju guy in a crowd....

  • He wears a lot of gold. Lesser than Bappi Lahiri, though. And far lesser than a Malayali bride. But still, nevertheless, he wears gold. 
  • He has a paunch showing that he's from a khaata peeta ghar. 
  • They live to eat. Though they are the most phatoo people on earth, diabetes and heart diseases don't deter them from their Sunday binging on gathiya and jalebi and chundo with every meal ofcourse! 
  • Being overweight is a must! (My grand-dad once told me that when I'm gonna go groom-hunting, I'm gonna get rejected a lot....only because I'm underweight!!!)
  • He doesn't need airbags in cars for safety..... now, you know the reason why!
  • He's a regular customer adding up to the revenues of Navratna tel. And yet, they're mostly bald!!
  • A Gujju Man who doesn't invest in the share market is not a man enough!
  • He wears floral prints and shirts with embroidery. If they could, even strict formals would have embroidered peacocks and other birds design on them. With Svaroski crystals ofcourse!!
  • The only thing that differentiates a Gujju man's shirt from a Gujju woman's saree at a wedding is the absence of a blingy pallu
  • All they can talk about is food and money. Their priority depends on hunger level. 
  • No matter how rich they are, they have to make an obscene show of wealth....which in most cases is without class!!! See Mukesh Ambani's building in South looks ugly!!!! 
  • Because they're from the business class, they're never seen indulging in any activity that doesn't give them money in return. So when the entire nation is rioting, you can be rest assured, Gujju men would be sitting at home gorging on thepla and dhokla. (the only exception was Godhra riots...but from what I heard from my relatives, the business class stayed away from it)
  • Even a 22 year old person is a babo/baby to them.
  • They don't do charity. The only charitable act they readily do is get a lot of rishtas for the aforementioned babo/baby who are clearly not interested in getting married.
  • They think of doing a G-U-J-J-U sequence from Kal Ho Na Ho at their babo/baby ki wedding!! Because they thought it was a true representative of who they are.
  • The first names that cross their mind while naming kids have to have an esh at the end of the name for a babo's name and na/sha ending for a baby's  name! (Jignesh, Jigisha,Jigna.....get the drift???)
  • The ideal hangout place for them on a Sunday evening is some relative in Borilvli/Kandivli/Malad/Ghatkopar/Mulund who wasn't quick enough to find someone else's place to go and hang out!!
  • A wedding reception is judged by the tola of gold the bride brought with her, the food at the wedding and the number of people at the wedding.
  • The wedding will never take place in any place other than the 5 mentioned
  • They haven't cleared their metric (10th standard), but will be seen giving career advice to graduates!
  • They're so much into business that even the things which are none of their business is also their business!!
  • Gujju men will never be seen doing any of the household work.... remember Indravadan Sarabhai's Main phone nahi uthaunga......main mard hoon!!! (from Sarabhai vs Sarabhai). They can't get up to even get a glass of water or take their own medicines!
  • They all think cracking jokes on their wives is funny. (Well, some of them are!!)
  • They have egos double the size of Burj Khalifa
  • Still, only Gujju men can laugh at themselves! They love self-deprecating humour!! 

After reading this post, I now know that I'm never getting married!!!!! Or I may get married to a Gujju guy who is smart, intelligent, rich, good looking, speaks good english and is nothing like what I've mentioned so far..... so if you think you are that, leave a flirtatious comment with your display pic on! 

And for ending the post, you have to absolutely see this video......... 

Gujju men, I know you don't please don't come hunting for me!!!!

Why A Girl Would Want To Be Guy...

*Reposting an old post.... I don't think many people have read this....*

  •  You're not subjected to a free full body scan the minute you step out of     the house.
  • You can wear/not wear anything you want without thinking about what log kahenge
  • People look into your EYES while talking to you
  • The world's your toilet!!
  • You are allowed to drive on the highway...(You're allowed to drive in           the first place!)
  • You can abuse in Hindi!
  • Your punches do hurt other people
  • You can watch sports without being asked "Who's the guy who sparked this sudden interest in football??!"
  • Beer, football and friends together are UTOPIA!
  • You understand football and the difference between off-spin and leg-spin in cricket
  • You'd go nuts if a Ferrari was parked near your building because you realize the importance of it!
  • You have at least the benefit of doubt of being able to pass engineering!(With my Maths and Physics I know  why I didn't even have the benefit of doubt!)
  • You have relaxed and flexible curfew timings
  • You can afford getting drunk because you don't have to care about who'll drop you home
  • Pleasure is never a pain for you.... not even the first time!!!
  • You are not scared of bikes or rather being spotted on a bike with a person of the opposite sex
  • You probably haven't heard of or do not care about PMS
  • You don't have to undergo labour or the frightful stretch marks after it!
  • You don't have to undergo the terrible pain of depilation every 4 can roam around like a hairy orang-utan all your life
  • Boys night out is not at all about gossiping and bitching....
  • You don't have to think twice before the second helping of the Blueberry Cheese Cake
  • You an wear white in the rain.
  • Butter zyaada Pav Bhaji can be relished without appraising the calories
  • Your name is yours forever

  • And the most important of them all......... YOU DO NOT HAVE OESTROGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!