November 25, 2010

Not So Common Cold!

The worst illness to have hit humans is the common cold! The only thing common about it is that its affects the entire human race but there's no beeping cure for it! And that's because the virus that causes the cold mutates so quickly, that no medicines would be able to kill them. (I'm surprised I still remember my Microbiology!!). So, as always, my exam time is jinx time, and as per the jinx, I HAVE to fall ill during exams. And this time, it's the beeping cold! I normally don't abuse on my blog, but suffer from a cold for a week and you'll know what I'm talking about!! But it's just so weird.... when I was doing Biotech, my friends and I have literally gulped down live cultures of Salmonella (causative agent for Typhoid and food poisoning)  and E.coli (certain strains cause food poisoning), but never for once fell sick, but now, when we're all out of the lab and miles away from these pathogens, we're falling sick!! Life is so ironical! I must admit, working between burners was more fun than interpreting data from morbid Excel sheets! Grass is always greener on the other side of the court, but having played on both the courts, I must say, both the courts suck!! Be a spectator, don't get educated at all , because all education does is teach you for 1/4th of your life how to ruin the remaining 3/4th!

Coming back to the topic of common cold, the only good thing about having a cold is that your voice becomes husky and you start sounding sexy!!! I was talking to a friend of mine in this husky, sexy voice, when jealous of my new found husky, sexy voice, she told me  that kissing is an unproven medicine for cold! She had found it out with her boyfriend, so she suggested it to me, to which I felt like thanking her for chidkoing namak on my jala. First, I'm single, second, I'm suffering from cold and you suggest kissing as a medicine! How much more sadistic could you be!! So, all the couples reading this, please try it, if I get more people to prove that this data was statistically significant, I'll quicken my process of finding a boyfriend!

So, along with D-Cold, Crocin, Vicks, now even kissing is off the list for the medicines that can cure my cold. On a night over with my friends, where everyone was gorging on ice-cream and I had to admire their beautiful faces whiles they were doing so, my friends urged me to have a scoop of ice-cream, as, according to them, thanda hi thande ko maarta hain! Hence I tried having melted ice-cream, but to no avail. In fact you can't even taste half of your food because your taste buds have gone on a long vacation! Finally, I drank a glass full of cold Pepsi, just irritated that nothing was helping my cold, and miraculously, my cold was cured! No kidding!! I was surprised myself! So, now apart from making you obese and helping your Mom clean toilets better, Pepsi can cure cold!!! Oh man! Indra Nooyi, now owes me a couple of million dollars for this serendipitous product feature that I came across!! I'm so happy, most of my one week cold has gone now, and so has my husky sexy voice :-(

I'm also happy, that finally Pepsi brand managers have decided to go back to the old Pepsi PET bottle. The bottle they were using before reverting back was really ugly!! Not uglier than Antilia, but still, ugly enough to make people buy Coke!! I don't know why my Dad still disagrees with me that Antilia is an ugly building. I mean, it looks like a Tetris game ended abruptly!!! Seriously, MasterCard is right, there are certain things money can't buy. And one of them is classy taste! I think I should end this topic here, or else I'll be accused of being anti-Gujjus and anti-men all the time!!

P.S : I'm NOT a feminist, and can never be one. Hopeless, incurable romantics can never be feminists!! And I'm not anti-Gujju as well, I just love to make fun of them

November 17, 2010

How Does She Do It???

I don't believe that I'm admitting this, but I must say that, I agree with men when they say it's really difficult to understand a woman! Being a woman myself, I don't understand them! Because it's more than just 2 hormones calling the shots for them! What that is, is something mankind or womankind will never know! From where does she get strength which is inversely proportional to her size? And how does she fucking do it!

For every time her crush got crushed when he made an appearance with his girlfriend, she has the hope, faith and the patience to wait for her Edward Cullen who'd want to show her off in front of the entire world. (The silver Volvo is just a bonus *wink*)

She may be one of the top 10% brains in the country but she'll be stupid enough to go against the worldly wisdom and practicality and actually reject a guy with an empire for a guy without one, only because he said he loved her!

For every time she cribbed about abdominal pains during PMS, she has the strength to go through hours of labour to deliver a kid. ( I just became a masi! Yay!!!)

For every time she sat on a staircase begging her guy to not leave her and go, she finds the strength to pick herself up within months and say no to go back to him when he is begging her to take him back!

For every night she cries herself to sleep, she has the guts the next morning to let her ex-guy's phone ring in her hand and let it become a missed call. A very dear friend does this everyday, and I still don't know how she does it!

For every girl who carries on with a shitty relationship, consoling herself, that maybe one day her guy would stop being the retard in tin foil and start being her knight in shining armour, there's another girl who has the guts to get out of a shitty relationship even if it means carrying the tattoo of your ex's initials all your life....and carrying emotional AND physical baggage of that failed relationship forever! (I really bow down to Deepika Padukone for this one!)

For every girl who grew up imagining a guy like Raj for her, she has the nerves of steel to make a compromise and marry a guy like Kuljeet. (You won't get this one unless you're a die hard Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge fan!)

They say, that girls are more emotional and get attached to things and people more easily than men, still, since centuries, they've had the heart to leave it all up one fine day to pick up another life at an age when a human stops learning, she's learning to live life anew!

She may not have the physical strength to hit you back, were you to hit her, but she'll have a heart big enough to wipe your tears were you to feel guilty about it or have an explanation ready to give to people if they ask her about the marks.

For every time she nagged you for not meeting/saying I-love-you/calling back/replying to a text 17 times a day, she'll have the strength to  keep a stone on her heart, a tearless smile on her face and be your strength while bidding a goodbye to you  if you're going abroad and not returning for another couple of years. 
(Dooriyan bhi hain zaroori.....zaroori hain yeh dooriyan!! Amazing song from Break Ke Baad)

The laws of nature say that two sautans can never be friends and they are always vying for each other's blood, but then, in some remote corner of Earth, you'll find a Mariam giving her life so that Laila could make a new start and have a happy life for herself.... (So beautifully written in Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns)

She may be scared of cockroaches, but when she comes to running a home/company/nation, she'll do a much better job then most men.... and she can multitask, rule with an iron fist, be the only MAN in a cabinet full of men, quasi run the country where there are 28 small countries in itself, a country in which she is considered a  'foreigner' and do it with ease!

She may have the means, resources and the audience to defame you in public by waging an online war, but she won't....because even for a blabbermouth, silence, is sometimes golden. Wars are not waged when only one opponent has an edge over the other....that's not how Librans fight!

November 4, 2010

Who's A BFF??

A lot of guys have been asking me what a BFF here's a low-down on what a BFF is and who is BFF is. It is Best Friends Forever, by the way!

Who is a BFF?

  • A BFF is a person who knows you inside out
  • A BFF is a person who can understand your silence and knows when your leave-me-alone needs a hug and when your leave-me-alone actually needs you to be left alone
  • A BFF is a person with whom you can sit at Juhu beach for hours, staring into nothingness and yet feel that you've had the best conversation of your life
  • A BFF is a person for whose birthday gift, you won't mind fighting with your other best friends....only because you want the gift to be in a certain way!
  • A BFF is a person who can have a crush on all your crushes, but yet never fight about!
  • A BFF is a person who can say YUCK to your crush and you not pulling her hair out ! And then, you start having second thoughts about him!
  • A BFF is a person who has to be the first person given a call to by your husband when your water breaks!!
  • A BFF is a person who has to pick up your call within 5 rings....even if you're on your honeymoon!
  • A BFF is a person who would never mind you being a perpetual kabab-main-haddi when she's out with her guy and you're also there!!! Because she knows that you two go as a package deal!
  • A BFF is a person who would laugh with you about all your guy problems 5 years after you've had them!
  • A BFF is a person with whom you'd strike all your baby-sitting deals with!
  • A BFF is a person who'd draw 200+ diagrams of different forms of leaves,roots and flowers for your Botany journal for that you can flirt with your guy!
  • A BFF would be the first person to come and meet you after you've back come to the country after a 3 month vacation!
  • A BFF is a person who would know your darkest secret but will never spill it out. Not even for a tell-all book on you, were you to get famous!
  • A BFF is a person whom you can tell things about yourself which you wouldn't even tell your guy!
  • A BFF is the only person whom you can tell, "I'm losing it, I need a psychiatrist!" and she's say, "You don't need anyone while I'm still there!"
  • A BFF is a person who'd clean up all the mess you've made of yourself and do it again and again until you learn cleaning up after your acts!
  • A BFF is a person who would wipe out her break up tears so that she can console you about your break up!
  • A BFF is a person is the only person who could make you laugh while your eyes are still shedding tears!!
  • A BFF is a person who'd say YES when you ask her if your ex would marry his new girlfriend and you'd still have a smile on your face because you know that you have something those two don't have......your BFF!Yes, A BFF is the result of good karma in your previous birth!
  • Friends, best friends, boyfriends come and go. A BFF is like your parents.....they come and never go!

I read a research somewhere which said that women are at a lower risk of death due to depression as compared to men. And I think, the reason is that women are more prone to TALK about their lives to their BFFs than men! This post is dedicated to all my BFFs!