January 19, 2011

How To Identify A Gujju In A Crowd - Part II

*Disclaimer : All the following points have been written for the sole purpose of entertainment. So, all my fellow Gujju aunts and uncles especially ones with 24-25 year old handsome,rich and intelligent sons, please don't take any offence! {And if the aforementioned people are looking for a sundar and sushil bahu, I can send in my CV janamkundli too}*

Here's how to identify a Gujju in a crowd ka sequel. Read the first part here.
  • For Gujjus, it's socially acceptable to burp, belch and fart in public and no apology is necessary in the end. 
  • Gujju elders embarrass Gujju young people by publicly disclosing/asking their salaries. If your salary is less than people younger to you, you have to die in shame. And if it's more, then you'll have to fake-smile and promise random people whom you've met for the first time a free party!
  • If you're a non-Gujju, then in all probabilities, in your wedding, your Gujju classmate will come with a spouse and a kid (could be kids too!!!!) because he/she would be married way before you!
  • Gujjus are well known for their love of food. When they go to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, they aren't floored by the sheer magnificence of it, they aren't even interested in the beautiful French women or wine, all they're interested is in knowing whether they'd get Jain Samosas in Paris or not!!
  • And this one is a Jain special. Jain Gujjus can make a Jain imitation dish out of anything! Be it Jain Pizzas, Jain Tacos, Jain Chinese....you name it and we have a Jain version of the dish. I have full faith on my Jain aunties that one day they'll even come up with Jain Sushi!!
  • Gujju men have the biggest egos on Earth. Hence, when they see Hindi movie songs being made in Punjabi and other regional languages like Bhojpuri and the South Indian languages making a huge wave in the entertainment sector, the Gujju egos get hurt. So, they also vow to fight back and make Gujarati a popular language amongst the masses. So, the make videos like the following. The first one is Spiderman Video - Part I. It is hilarious!!! But it is in Gujarati as spoken in Surat, so not many non Gujjus would find it funny!! But, for Gujjus, you'll fall off your chair, trust me, my Mom almost did!! Ditto for Spiderman Video - Part II. This video is SRK's Dard-e-Disco in Gujarati. Wait till the second para.......it's tooooo good! Here, I fell off my chair while watching it!! But the killer-est of them all is the Gujju version of the Punjabi song, Amplifier, by Imran Khan. You have to, have to, and absolutely have to hear the Gujju version!!!! It's too fucking funny! (I used the F word purely for alliteration purposes. I don't abuse on my blog!!) See the video here 

P.S 1 : I was thinking of more points to be put it this post, but I've realised that I've written everything that's ever to be written about Gujjus! So, no more Gujju bashing on my blog, due to the sheer exhaustion of points to be made.

P.S 2 : This post is dedicated to my friend Aamir, who was patient enough to listen to my non-sensical talks all afternoon and being an inspiration for me to return to blogging and continuing it! (Yeah, I know, I haven't ever told this to you, so this is your moment, bask in the glory!!!)

P.S 3 : This post is also dedicated to Rizvi friends, Taranjit, Taher, Sohail and Sweta for always listening to my crap, putting up with it and still loving me!!Also, thank you for reinstating my belief in friendship and all the goodness that still exists in the world!!  Love you all.... you guys shall be invited for my wedding to have the Jain Sushi!!!


    Demure_me said...

    my god..!!! its so damn funny!! :P
    love you :)

    Nupur said...

    @ Rads : You always find me funny!! You're the sweetest person for me!!

    Taran........ said...

    heyyyy....well written as usual.....the gujju version of amplifier is so damn funny (i being a punju found it al d more funny)
    n v r alwz dere for u....keep smiling alwaz.... :)

    Vinod said...

    Im glad the old Nupur is still alive!!

    left unseen yet seen because.... said...

    Seriously...STOP BASHING THEM NOW....at leaat till u get married...lol

    nice one tho...very nice!

    left unseen yet seen because.... said...

    Seriously...STOP BASHING THEM NOW....at leaat till u get married...lol

    nice one tho...very nice!

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    Phoram said...

    :( :( I am a gujarati... :(