March 12, 2011

Things Women Will Never Understand About Men!

One thing that I have accepted in my life is that I have to live with the 'feminist' tag for the rest of my life, even though I am not one! This is not a feminist post.... I am not trying to bash men or make fun of them. I'm just trying to ask them to please explain some of their quirks! You can use the comment section for it. 

In my earlier post, I have mentioned a lot about train travel. Now, one thing that I have noticed on railway platforms is that the men's loo is always right where the ladies coach is supposed to halt!! I've confirmed it for Andheri, Dadar and Elphinstone stations! And trust me, you can't cross these stations without covering your nose, even if you're in the train. I really feel bad for women who have to board trains from these platforms!! Now, what I don't understand about men is that why do their loo have to stink so much! And it is not only at the Railway stations... I've noticed it at a lot of other places as well! So men, what are you doing inside? Target practice? If, yes, then you need a lot more practice to improve your aim!!! And no cracking jokes on how you can pee anywhere while on a road trip!! We know that the world is your loo, and we also stay in that world, so please make it beautiful for us! We make your world beautiful by wearing short and revelaing clothes right, so you too, please do the needful and stop peeing around! Please, don't ever wear revealing clothes.. we're not interested in seeing your Kalvin Clean undies!! And you thought we had a problem only with you not putting the toilet seat down!

After two aborted and unsuccessful attempts at learning how to drive a car, I've quit!! I'm now a license holder since the past 3 years who can't drive the car beyond the second gear! I've quit because I can't have my Dad yelling at me at 6 in the morning!! I just simply can't begin my day like that!! You can't even yell back or show your middle finger and walk off like you would do to your husband if you were to learn driving from him! Now, that's what I am planning to do. I can yell back at my husband, hit him, cry, make him sleep on the couch for a week if he yells at me.... and you can't do any of these things with your Dad. So, women, be wise and learn driving after you're married!! And if you're 23 and Gujju, don't cry in front of your Dad...EVER. A person who is mentally prepared to give you away to someone else is not going to melt with tears! You need emotional blackmail of a totally different level to melt that heart! Anyways, life gyaan apart, what I want to understand is why can't men be more PATIENT while teaching a girl how to drive? We are not naturally blessed to learn it as easily as you did. I admit, most women are bad drivers, but you can help create a little less bad driver! Have patience guys, the rewards will be worth it!

Now, one interesting thing that I came across while chatting with a guy friend is that, men don't get scared if they are made to sleep on the couch. So, for all the women reading this, if you have a fight with your husband, don't make him sleep on the couch, because, they love it. They say, by sleeping on the couch, they can watch uninterrupted and unregulated TV all night! {Unregulated was the catch word! Use the parental controls on TV wisely, girls} So, if you want to punish your guy for yelling at you, hide the remote and the hard drive! OMG, I sound so prepared for marriage.... that's what happens when you have one classmate after the other getting married!! Now, I hope my would-be-husband is not reading this blog, or else even he'll come prepared! 

Another thing I really want men to answer is what goes in your mind when women talk to you about our men problems and want a man's perspective on it. I have personally noticed this and still don't know what is on your minds!As part of research for my blog and gyaan on men in general, I tried faking a problem and talking about it. Two of my friends changed the topic thinking I wouldn't notice. One started talking about some SAP project he bagged in office, and when confronted, he confirmed he wasn't listening to me and was lost in his own world. And the last one, listened to the entire problem and spoke exactly the things that a girl needs to hear when she's talking about a guy problem.... just abuse the guy and say how much better you were for him! Maybe the last friend did that because he's my oldest guy friend and experience tells him, there's no option that he has but to listen to my problem and say things that I want to hear! But still, I really want to know what are men thinking when we talk about other men-induced problems to you. While we are at this topic, I have to absolutely narrate this chat to you that I had with another guy friend.

Me : (guy's name) is such an asshole.
Him: Why? What did he do now?
Me: He didn't reply to my message (Yes, it doesn't matter of you're 13 or 23, the he-didn't-call/reply problem continues to haunt our existence!)
Him: Hmm. (wondering in his head : Tell me something new!)
Me: All guys are such assholes yaar!
Him: Don't you think it is women who are experts at picking assholes from the basket. There are non-asshole guys too who never get picked!
Me: Assholes don't come with a 'Asshole Ahead, Tread Carefully' sign on their forehead, then how are we supposed to know who's an asshole and who's not!

I couldn't help but laugh my heart out at this conversation!!And women, it is ok..... Men really don't come with the 'Asshole Ahead, Tread Carefully' sign on their forehead, so it is ok if you pick them. 

So, men, here is the golden chance to tell us women your side of the story! This blog boasts of both male and female audience, so don't miss your opportunity to be heard! And give me valuable data for research! Talk about Occupational Hazards!! 


arshat.chaudhary said...

"I can yell back at my husband, hit him, cry, make him sleep on the couch for a week if he yells at me..."
Oh your poor poor husband! :P

Well, I have enough experience when I speak about women getting attracted to the asshole, but thats only girls who havent matured yet. I mean, in 10 years, look around u and u ll find the same girls who were stupid enough to fall for stupid guys when they started to go out, end up with real nice guys.

It annoys guys, but then, thats how the world works!


P.S.- You usually end up with someone who is only as good as you. The best girls get the best guys and vice versa. Period.

Ajay Menon said...

Hey I have taught a lot of women driving and I have made sure that I don't scream or yell or break their confidence. But then again,I know many people who have given up driving after that one outburst/minor dent etc.

Good post! I do agree with your sentiments

For me,I have always observed that the good girls who I felt always were intelligent end up liking/going out with losers and vice versa.I mean I thought they were smart,but despite the sign of I am an asshole shining bright they end up going out with them. And then I end up concluding what the above person has commented on his post script!

Nupur said...

@ Arshat: I forgot to mention that I can use my nails to injure my husband!! Now, even I pity him!!

I don't agree with you when you said that only the girls who haven't matured fall for assholes. My experience says, maturity doesn't have to do anything with it! You don't know what you're into until you're into it.
Totally agree with your P.S. Karma works!!

@ AJ: Thanks for dropping by!! See, just like how men can see the 'Asshole' sign on certain guys and you can't fathom why we were with them, we can't fathom why most good guys are with women have 'bitch/slut' written all over them!! It's the same!!

Aamir said...

Only one fact supplement: The 'public loos' smell because they arent cleaned!!! Not because we pee acid or smthng! :P Pee is pee, it doesnt have a gender!
Have u ever smelled a bad loo in a restaurant? Or a multiplex! No! So..
I rest my case.

Abhishek Ghosh said...

May be women go out with the "assholes" coz they treat men like projects, the more the need for improvement, the greater the emotional involvement and hence the more passionate and everlasting quality to the affair.

Holds true for guys as well, in this case, the less the need for improvement (depending on what the guys wants), the less the need for emotional involvement and easier to dump later on...

It's all fine before both of them get hoodwinked into marriage on account of uncle Darwin's hard work

Is it too bleak an explanation?

left unseen yet seen because.... said...

@ashrat: i was mad at you after reading your novel...but ur comment has given me a lotta hope :) PEACE OUT!!

@nupur: after being with an asshole we have learnt the ways to identify "asshole" symptoms in a guy if nothing else... so this time il choose a lil less of an asshole may be.. ;)

Aayushi Mehta said...

This was such a hilarious post. I think I'm going to love your blog!

You are Gujju and 23? I am Gujju and 22! :D

And I have had two failed attempts at learning driving, because it basically scares the shit out of me, and the last one ended in me bursting into tears in front of the driver and never wanting to see his face again. I'll add that he did have some anger issues which I could not handle.

But I haven't given up as yet. I was planning to learn it next year, now, maybe after marriage :P

And hey, most women aren't bad drivers, come on!!!!!

Nupur said...

@ Aayushi: I'm Gujju and 22! But, 23 sounds cooler!!! I've been accused of being a feminist, but I must say MOST women can't drive!

--Sunrise-- said...

Ha ha ha I LOVE this post. The classic why-won't-he-reply WILL always haunt us I guess, sigh! I don't think women are completely stupid when they are attracted to assholes, I think deep down they know he is bad news but they don't want that thought to come to the forefront of their minds. Also, some women (myself) openly admit they love guys who keep them on their toes. So I guess we (OK, ME :P) deserve it sometimes :P