August 20, 2014

Of Growing Up ... And Being Married

I recently read this article online that mentioned the signs of being in a good relationship. After reading this, I instinctively felt that the writer missed the most important sign of being in a good relationship. That of not posting about your every moment spent with your partner on social media, instead of enjoying and living it. Half of my Facebook timeline is full of husbands not being able to have enough of their wives and girls going all my-hubby-is-the-best-hubby-in-the-whole-of-MilkyWay. 

I'm 8 months married and it absolutely doesn't feel like being married. Maybe the fact that I have geographically relocated within one kilometre of my previous residence is a major reason. When you're staying in the same area, there's less of adjustments to be made. You know the roads, the shortcuts to get around, the grocery stores, the restaurants, the subjiwalas and the likes. (Not that I do any of the home grocery shopping now after marriage, but still thought of adding the point to make myself sound like an adarsh bahu.) 

Jokes apart, adjustments or no adjustments, there are serious orientation issues after marriage for girls. Something their husbands will never understand. And many will even crack jokes. Like mine does. Girls, my advice to you, ignore them. If you can, record their jokes and play it when they are crying at your daughter's bidaai. Game. Set. Match. 

Yes, so digressions apart, the orientation issues stem from the fact that suddenly in one day, you no longer return with your parents to what you grew knowing to be 'your' home. You return to a new house, with new people and you're supposed to call it 'your' home. It takes time for your mind to adjust! It took me some time to train my mind to not keep playing Candy Crush Saga when the train halts at Andheri, but quickly get off, as you no longer have to get off at Vile Parle. 

For quite some time, while you're struggling to call a new house as yours, your new family more than welcomes you in their home and life and you start to adapt to their way of life, at the same time, you start getting a little distant from your old home.  It's a phase where you basically feel like you're in a No Man's Land. You don't belong at either places! It's like, you know that your new home is IT but you've always been at your old home! You are unable to call any of your homes as YOURS. It weird. And only the ones who go through this would understand the feeling of this strange belonging yet no-belongingness. 

This state of disorientation hits the peak when you're supposed to sign documents. Old sign or new sign. Old name or new name. The first thing is to figure a new sign. And remembering it! And then the withdrawal symptoms of still calling yourself by your maiden surname. There are certain things that are absolutely difficult to let go of.  

It hits you even more, a week into your honeymoon, when the lack of Indian food in your stomach, makes you wonder how your parents have let you go to another hemisphere with a guy. ALONE. 

And then one look at your husband, and you forget all this. Even the lack of Indian food. 

Because he makes it all worth it. The adjustments you have to make, the disorientation, the name change. Everything. 

7 comments:

Disha Rambhia said...

I got married about the same time as you and can absolutely relate to that weird feeling and home and name change...I am also living in a different country altogether after wedding so, transition is huge!

But as you said at the end, he makes it worth it! :)

Keep posting!

Disha Rambhia said...

Just realized that my google name is still the maiden one! ;)

Radhika Mehta said...

..aww :)

He sure does make it worth EVERYTHING! :)

xxx

Aanchal B said...

even if u write once in a million years Nupur Himir Shah... you will still nail the emotions just the way the you always did!

ankit_shroff said...

Bang on with your one liners n our generation lingo!!! Great to have you back!!!

Rucha said...

So so so heartfelt...I can't say I relate to all of them, since I am no t married, but when i do get married..I will remember these words...Especially the "No man's land". Very poignant..very touching and straight up.

I am sure you make an awesome wife!

BIG SQUISHY HUG NUPS!!

Ami said...

Nupur I'm getting married & the butterflies have started making its way to everything you have nailed it in this blog...The change is worth!