April 10, 2011

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus - Part II

Modesty be damned, but I'm seldom wrong when I make an argument. It's Libran trait to participate in arguments and win them! In one of my earlier posts, I had written than men are equally complicated as women. But now, I correct myself - Women are more complicated. Period. Men are not. Men are pretty simple. All they want in life is sex, food, sports and beer and they're sorted. Unlike women! Let's talk about one thing at a time, so let’s deal with why men are so simple in life. I can imagine all my female readers reading the next few lines, making a mental note on what they'll say to disagree with me. But, don't try it ladies! Read the first line of the post again!

For my women readers, who say men are complicated, watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You. You'll get amazing insights on men! I'll mention this one thing that I've been a victim of and finally did a Qualitative Research on a few men to know what exactly the problem was!!!! (The sample size was very small!!!)

·       We complain that the guys we like don't message or call us. Or don't reply. The thing is that they're just not interested in looking at us in 'that' way. If they did, they wouldn't wait for us to call/text them, they'd initiate it themselves! And when you lose interest in them after a couple of years, they'll bombard you with 30 texts a day...an astonishingly huge number of texts they never cumulatively sent you in the 4 years they were friends with you for! So, the key is that ignore men, they'll come right behind you!

So, now this was something that was what I got right from the horse's mouth. The interesting value addition that I did to it was this: By the roles defined by Nature or Evolution, men were supposed to be hunters. So they love the chase that a kill needs. So they'll be all charged up for the chase, use their heads to make the prey fall and all and once they prey is killed, all they do is bring the carcass home, hand it to the women who'd cook it so that they can eat and then have some sex after the meal! Man has evolved from being a hunter to a civilised person that he is now, but the innate instincts remains the same. They love the chase that lead them to land a girl. Till then, they'll be all sweet, romantic and all that, but once the girl professes her feelings for him, the chase is over. She's just left to be eaten (no double entendres here!!) This is precisely the phase where women feel that the honeymoon part of their relationship has ended and the guy isn’t as sweet as he was earlier! For some, it’s only about the chase (the ‘bad boy’ category as we call them) and for some it’s about the prey as well as the chase (the ‘take-home-to-Mamma’ category). So, men are simple… they all follow the same pattern and it was time we figured what it was!

Coming to women, they are very complicated. They not only have men issues in life, but also have women issues! Two women can seldom stand each other unless they’re related by blood or are BFFs! They either don’t like the vibes they get from other women, their dressing sense, their attitude in life, the list is endless! This is due to a deep rooted insecurity that men don’t stay faithful to one woman and this gives rise to the constant comparison and competitiveness they subject themselves to! The need for wanting a constant one-up (wo)manship. A lot of advertising communication has targeted this competitive nature of women! The uski saadi meri saadi se safed kaise and see the new TVS Wego ad! Seriously, we’re too vain in life!

Also the Ladies Compartment in a train is the best place to see the bitchy side of women! The only problem I have with them is that the mad rush to enter into a train before people alight! Have some patience, ladies! And also, the fights! If there’s ever one, it will go on from Borivli to Churchgate unlike men’s train fights that end with a MC/BC/C!

The following two phenomenon are widely seen in Gujju households. Dunno about others!

One other reason why we have a problem with other women in our mothers! Yes! If you’re a guy, in all probability you were the aakhon ka tara,pyaara dulaara beta who never learnt to sympathise with a woman’s pains because their mothers always shielded them from it. The mothers, even with high fever would cook and feed the family and not lie down on the bed and ask her son to make her a cup of tea. So, this son who was never asked to make a cup of tea for anyone, wouldn’t do so in future and would expect his wife to cook for him and feed him even if she’s in labour! (Ok, the last one was exaggerated to convey the point!). And this story gets worse if this beta had a sister! When I have my girl-friends crib about how irritating their brothers are, I thank my Dad for giving me a sister!

Just so that my future mother-in-law doesn’t come vying for my blood after reading this post, I’ll add that mothers of daughters are no less! From the minute we’re born, we’re subjected to a never-ending, almost auto-dialler like rants of how we won’t have a mother-in-law, but a monster-in-law! And the aunts only add fuel to the fire! Not all women make bad mother-in-law! There might be some good ones!! And I’m hoping this is not wishful thinking!! Maybe our mothers and aunts are talking out of experience, but I suggest, let us learn ourselves. Don’t put in ideas in our heads and let us go into a new home with a bias already fed in our systems! So, my plea to all mothers and mothers-in-law, Love us like you love your daughter and we’ll respect you like we respect our mother. Life is simple. Don’t complicate it!

P.S : I'm not a feminist or anything, it's just that I find this topic of a man-woman thing very interesting! I have not read much on the psychology of their relationship with each other, but I plan do so. Everything was just my observation and/or my take on things. People may agree, people may disagree. I’m game for a debate!

P.S 2 : I love mothers! They’re the only people who would ever sacrifice for you. Love them, respect them. This was just to pull their leg so that they’ll have something to miss once we’re in monster-in-law land!!

April 7, 2011

Diamonds Are Forever!!

This was an interesting print ad that I came across while I was doing some research for my Sem 4 Dissertation Project. I absolutely love it!! Thought of sharing it with you guys! Small tip for men, do not undermine the effects that diamonds have on women!! Go buy your woman a diamond right now! You could courier some to me too for giving you such an amazing, saving-many-fights-after-marriage tip!!

April 4, 2011

What's In A Name - A Short Story - Part One

Waise toh, I'm very famous for starting to write a story and never finishing it,but I'll definitely try to finish this three-part story that I'm starting with this post.

All the characters in this story are fictitious! People, though you may be tempted to draw parallels between the main lead and me, I'll tell you, it's not my story!!!! I'm NOT getting married any time soon! This is just something that crossed my mind when I was talking to a guy-friend about how a girl becomes a woman and how the things she wants in her man changes with age and/or events. This is also dedicated to all the my-parents-are-starting-to-look-out-for-grooms-for-me SMSes that I've been receiving of late from my friends and the ones that are sent out by me!!! I hope this three part story brings in some hope for you.


“Who’s it?”, said a miffed Simi, who had woken up from sleep as my phone rang.
“Hello”, I answered the call, ignoring Simi’s pillow throws at me.
“Hi. How the party was?”,Dhruvesh, my fiancĂ© today and husband tomorrow asked about my ‘bachelorette’ party.
“It was good.”, I said nonchalantly. “How was yours?”, I asked as part of a formality.
“It was amazing! We had lot of fun”, he answered. And why wouldn’t you have fun when you can have alcohol and drool over women and return home drunk and not get grounded.
“Nice”, I said for the lack of anything better to say.
“So, big day tomorrow! You excited?”, he asked me, sounding very enthusiastic. I was wondering how many tequila shots did he have to sound like this?
“Yeah, excited and nervous”, I answered. Keep a fast until you’re officially married, wear two sarees together and tons of jewellery and make-up and then I’ll ask you how excited you are!!
“Guess it’s a girl thing! It’s nice that Simi and your other friends have decided to spend the night at your place. You can talk to them all night”, he said. “I think you should go to sleep now. You’ll have to wake up early na tomorrow”
“Yeah. That’s a good idea. Bye, good night”, I said.
“Good night” he said and hung up.

“What is wrong with you. Why do you talk to him like that?”, Simi said
“Like what?”, I answered. Guess she had woken up and heard my entire conversation with Dhruvesh
“Like you’re just not fucking interested in talking to him! In the 20 years that I’ve known you, you’ve never answered in one words! You are you! You TALK! Why do you talk like this to Dhruvesh?”, she said.
“Can you guys like please go to sleep?”, Reema said from one corner of the room.

All my BFFs – Simi, my best friend since KG, Reema and Sheetal, my school best friends, Purvi, my junior college best friend, Shruti, Dimple and Swati, my degree college best friends and Khushi, my post-grad best friend had stayed back at my place on the eve of my marriage. I have a lot of best friends! But, Simi is the bestest of all. She knows me since we were 3! That’s like since 20 years! And we’ve been best friends ever since!

Simi came to where I was sleeping, dragged me by my shoulder and took me to our ‘window sill’. It was this balcony in my room which had an amazing view and we’ve spent a million hours talking about Simi’s then boyfriend and now husband Varun! She forced me to sit.
“Tell me what’s the issue?”
“There’s no issue. I’m just tired”, I answered, not looking at her in the eye.
“Don’t bullshit me”, she sat in front of me and turned my face so that I could look at her in her eye and talk. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”
“There’s nothing wrong”, I said.
“Really? You want me to believe you? Babes, please tell me what’s wrong? Did he do something? Say something to you?”
“Monosyllables! I hate them!!”, she fumed. “Did he try to you know….force you for like sex or something before marriage?”, she guessed
“Hell no!”, I shouted back!
“What is it then?”, she asked with a grave concern on her face. “You’re getting married to him in less than 12 hours…. You want to marry him right?”, she asked. And I couldn't control the tears that I had filled myself up with since a month that it was decided that he was the one for me.
“Aww, baby! It’s ok! You just are freaked! It’s normal to have cold feet before the wedding day. I had it too!”
“Don’t lie! I’ve never seen anyone as desperate as you to get married!!”, I joked. Finally, after a month there was a smile on my face.
“Ok, fine! At least you smiled. See, I know it all has happened real quick! I mean one month is really not enough…. But it’s ok. Your parents aren’t fools and besides that, Dhruvesh is a really nice guy, trust me! Even Varun says so…. And he’s a guy….he knows guys better than us!!”, she asked.
“It is not that, Simi. Leave it, you won’t get it. Nobody does”, I shrugged.
“Try me.”, she urged.
“It’s everything! He’s not what I wanted in life! You know that I never had a boyfriend in life and that’s why I thought probably that’s because I’d get someone out of the world for me to marry. But this is not out of the world!!”
“Ok. What do you not like in Dhruvesh?”, she tried to calm me down”
“Start somewhere!”, she persisted.
“The name… Dhruvesh!! I mean it’s like so Gujju!! It sounds Gujju…. Because of that ESH thing in the end. I don’t like his name! I don’t like his surname. I don’t like how Payal Dhruvesh Shah sounds like!! It’s not mellifluous to my ears.”
“You don’t wanna marry him because you don’t like his name?”, she laughed, waking up two of my friends.
“See, I told you, no one understands.”, I complained and got up to go back to sleep, she held my hand and asked me to sit.
“Sorry. Let’s start again”
“The reasons I have sound very shallow to others, but to me they are not. Because it’s my life at stake. I want what I want and Dhruvesh …yucckkk…. Is not that! And it’s not just the name. He can’t even speak English properly. He can’t throw two sentences without an error and you know how irritating that is. I wanted a guy who could throw five big words in a sentence if I’d throw three and he can’t even get my normal English stuff. English is important to me and I wanted my guy to speak good English. And he can’t.”
“Hmm. You can work on the English, Payal. And name… you’ll get used to it!”
“Imagine saying Dhruveshhhhh when you’re doing it…. It’s like so turning off yaar!”, I said.
“Look at the good side… he’s letting you work after marriage. That’s a positive”
“He doesn’t talk. He’s all shy and quiet with me and you know I can’t take silence. It freaks me. And he’s not at all romantic. He doesn’t know how to talk to women.”
“No guy on earth knows how to talk to women the way we want, so I’ll give that to Dhruvesh”
“Can you like please not take his name?”, I said. “And I always wanted a love marriage yaar. Falling in love, talking on the phone for hours, that honeymoon period of the relationship…he being all romantic and all filmy, when all romantic songs make sense to you…. I don’t have that phase in my life. I feel like a fucking 16th century woman!”
“You can have that after marriage. And let me tell you, love marriage sounds glamorous on paper. In reality, it is not like that”
“Look who’s talking! You had the most amazing love story”, I said
“I did. But we do have problems. We’ve dated for 5 years and been married for 2…. The seven year itch is not a myth my friend! See, with love marriages the problem is that you begin with attraction and then when you have to compromise and adjust later, and that’s a problem. With arranged marriage, you start with compromise and end with attraction. Trust me, that’s how it should be because that attraction is unshakeable. It has a more solid and practical foundation.
“But still, I wanted a love story that I could tell my kids about”
“You can still have it”
“With Dhruvesh? Noooo” I replied
“Why didn’t you tell your parents about it if you had such a big problem. You could have told me earlier…. What’s the point of telling me NOW!”
“I tried telling Mom, she gave me one million reasons why he’s the right guy and shut me up. I didn’t like getting engaged and married in a month. But considering that his grandfather is almost on his death bed and wants to attend his function, I agreed.”
“Don’t have a pity marriage”
“It’s more compromise than pity.”, I said
“Dudeee. He’s a nice guy. Trust me. Trust my instincts. Give him one fair chance. Keep the name and English aside…. Look at the inner him. That’s what’s important when you’re getting old with him.”, she tried making me look at the brighter side of things.
“I didn’t even have a bachelorette party with alcohol and all. I wanted to enjoy my courtship period with him. Wanted to go out, party hard, wear hot clothes, get drunk, come home late and not be asked questions….. I didn’t get to do any of that. I wanted him to fall in love with me when he saw me for the first time and he saw a strand of hair on my face and he so liked it that he fell in love with me…. I wanted something like that….”
“What are you? A Yashraj Film heroine? You can’t take the AC for more than 30 minutes and you want to dance in a miniskirt in the Switzerland snow!!”, she laughed.
“No. I just wanted to have a love story. Period.”, I retaliated.
“You’ll have it. Your life is not ending tomorrow. It’s just starting.”, she said
“Yeah right”, I said, staring at my hands which were covered in mehendi. And his name in it. The only thing that I liked on my hands was the engagement ring because of the huge diamond it had.

I was marrying Dhruvesh the next day and I felt nothing for him. Nothing. 

P.S : Thank you, Aanchal for the amazing quote on love marriage v/s arranged marriage! And thanks for approving the names of the characters in the first go! You're back on my blog now, so you better be the first one to comment! 

P.P.S : Please like my page on Facebook!! You can see the LIKE button to your right as well! (Sounds so desperate, but I need some ego boost real bad!!!)

Part Two : Coming Soon