September 3, 2009

Why I'm Still Single!!!!

Reasons why I'm still single
  1. I don't wear salwar kameezes normally. So nothing like my dupatta falling on the face of the prospective boyfriend and then it sliding away slowly while he's still taking in my perfume, totally mesmerised by me.... err no, mesmerised more by the dupatta, doesn't happen!!! And, there's no slow background score playing too.
  2. Again, no chances of the dupatta getting tangled in his chain or anything else are nil! So no moments of looking-into-each-other's-eyes-while-music-plays-in-the-background.
  3. I don't wear heels....so I don't fall while walking with a lot of files with un-filed papers in them (which are almost always blank!),which would all fly in the air and then settle down due to gravity after taking their own sweet time after I fall, so again, there are no falling-and-he-coming-to-hold-me-whilst-a-slow-song-plays-in-the-background happens!!
  4. I'm always the most inconspicuous person at a wedding(still, my duur ke rishtedaar aunts are successful in locating me and bombard me with inane questions and rishtas!), so no Salman-Madhuri moment happening too in my life, pretty much because I'm too lazy to either get involved in the juta churaoing thing or to lazy to flirt with the dulha's friends/brothers!
  5. I can't get a plastic surgery done on my face which would: increase my height, increase my weight, make my voice more mellifluous isn't possible!!!
  6. Due to the fact that till now my college was just a few blocks away from my house, I never really needed to travel in a car. So, I'd have to turn down any 'do-you-want-a-lift-home' offers from prospective boyfriends, which had I accepted, would definitely lead to a road in the middle of a jungle, where there's been no civilization since the dinosaurs, in the middle of the night and suddenly the car would break down, it would get stormy and start raining, the cell phone networks would go off too, and he and I'd be forced to camp in the jungle around a bonfire, eating fruits, me wearing his jacket to protect myself from rain and cold, and then there'll be a slow song playing in the background and we'd look into each other's eyes and realise the love we have for each other!!!
  7. I don't cook, so no chances of us atta-kneading together in a very desi lift off from the Ghost!!!
  8. I'm almost always on time everywhere....so I'm never missing trains!! So, no chances of meeting a rich industrialist on the way of our catching up the missed train who'd make sure I reach home safely after I miss my train because of him (Damn! I almost missed my flight from Washington to Mumbai 2 years back!! Shit, had Jab We Met released by then, I'd have not made the efforts to run for 20 minutes like a crazy woman at the Washington airport to catch my plane!)
  9. No goondas ever chedo me when I'm with a guy...so no action scene where I'd go all spiderman, spiderman, here comes the spiderman in awe!!
  10. (* Warning: Twilight special!*) And finally, the killer-est of all ideas. Literally! Because, 1) it's never cloudy all year round, 2)leave alone having rains all year round, we don't even have rains in the rainy season here, 3) the vast human population to tempt them, 4) the lack of widlife nearby, 5) it's so freaking sunny everyday , here, in Mumbai, that there are no chances of vampires being able to thrive here! So, here goes my chances of falling in love with a vegetarian vampire like Edward Cullen! And, because there are no vampires, there are no were-wolves to protect everyone from vampires....so here goes another consolation prize chance of hooking up with someone like Jacob Black. Just imagine, having 2 guys, one Edward and other Jacob first fighting each other for you and then fighting everyone else for you....you must really be a lucky b***h!!!





P.S: This post comes out in frustration of
  1. Watching soaps right from Dill Mil Gaye, Miley Jab Hum Tum and the likes for over 6 months! (that's where the songs-playing-in-the-background idea comes from!)
  2. Writing a Shakespearean tragedy in Elizabethan english for 14 hours and then, my team-mates asking me to put some comic relief in the play because it's way too serious!!! What do I tell such people?!?

26 comments:

blunt edges said...

i guess the most imp prblm here is that life doesn't have a background score...sigh!

me got a solution: make a playlist of slow songs on ur cell/ipod/mp3 player...n play them on repeat mode on the speaker...so at any given time u would have the background score ready 4 the purrr-ffffect moment!!! :D:D:D

nah...no need 4 any thanx...yeh toh mera farz tha ;)

Harini said...

Lol!

Kash you know aisa kuch hota *sigh*

Aanchal said...

i was gna leav a comment sayng stop wtchng dil mil gaye..bt seems like the P.S sums it all

left unseen yet seen because.... said...

hey its cloudy and its ranining since two days...hope ul find ur edward cullen...hopefully...wink**

buckingfastard said...

damn we men!!! 1st we had competition frm superheroes and now also frm vampires nd werewolves...

ghor kalyug!!!

Vinod... said...

rofl!

Nupur said...


@BE: Good suggestion...now that you've suggested this, can you also please come up with a danger alert tone too....it helps in life, you know!!

@ Harini: Aisa kya??

@ Aanchal: Yeah, this is an overdose of Dill Mil Gaye!! Damn! I can still hear ishq leta hain kaise kaise imtihaan in my hears!!!

@ Manalee: Don't I just love you, darling!!

@ Buckingfastard: Yeah dude, huge competition!!!

@ Vinod: Thanks!!

Nupur said...

@ Aanch; *ears!

CRD said...

HAHA...damn funny post :P

Tempts me into writing a post on the same topic :P


Cheers
CRD

P.s - hope you find your rainy weather and thundershowers, so that ur bluesy sensual background music can finally play out loud :P

Nupur said...


@ CRD: Hehe! THe rains were for getting a vampire....! This kind of weather suits em!

Kaustubh said...

Shakespearean tragedy in Elizabethan english...isnt that comedy enough....writer can always say to diro..'play has comic element...just peel the onion'

krish said...

hi nupur
nice post and
good luck

Harsha Chittar said...

hi Nupur
You write so well. I mean initially i was blown away but after reading your blog over n over for 7-8 times i am very scared now. Ya i think i may have developed some kind of liking towards you. Well i have successfully scared away 49 girls(yes i keep count)in the past, with my "wit" n "charm", so if you get scared by this msg; half century here i come.

Diwakar Sinha said...

:)hehehe...I dont remember the last time i had gone hehehe like this

Nupur said...


@ Kaustubh: You should've seen the rehearsals....that was funny!

@ Krish: Thanks

@ Harsha: Sorry, but you'll have to wait for your half century....I'm not scared... This isn't the first time, I'm getting a msg like this.

@ Diwakar: Glad to make you go hehehe!!

ankit said...

i know u like candy floss romance but this seems more like an obsession........
dnt worry UR STILL SINGLE COZ ONE DAY THE PRINCE CHARMING WILL ON HIS WHITE HORSE AND TAKE U AWAY WITH HIM!!!!!!!

Nupur said...


@ Ankit: Arey this was a satirical post....guess no one got the satire in it!!! And, btw, im all for bad boys now....the prince charming days are long forgotten!

ani_aset said...

they were not kneading atta baba :) pottery tha..awesome stuff :)

Nupur said...


@ ani: Arey, the movie had pottery...but our soaps have aatta!!

workhard said...

This post is just so me.. im like it only happens in movies and books.. nothing in reality...

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Rahul said...

Just 2 words Nupur..."Too Good" :-)

Samudra said...

1. U dont wear salwar kameezes, eh? No problem. Leather works for me.

3. Heels are useful. Especially in educational institutes, as doorstoppers, when you are... umm.. "busy studying" ;)

5. I like short girls. Easier to maneuver into ... umm... positions.

I dont think most guys would care about your voice. Not if you make the right noises anyways.

9. "Spiderman spiderman"?? Really? Not Nirvana or Marilyn Manson? Sheh... you were so close...

10. Its 4 am, and I am commenting on ur blog. And I do bite ;)

I hope you told your confused-about-Shakespeare-Elizabethan-english people to go suck an egg?


Keep writing. \m/

Nupur said...

@ Workhard: I'm glad you could identify with the post!

Nupur said...

@ Rahul: Thanks a ton!

Nupur said...

@ Samudra: No other comment, or even another blog post for that matter has made me laugh as much!!!!

Nassh said...

hi nupur wel i dnt know u bt i read ur blog n i really find them intresting
keep up d gud work :) ;)