Reasons why I'm still single
- I don't wear salwar kameezes normally. So nothing like my dupatta falling on the face of the prospective boyfriend and then it sliding away slowly while he's still taking in my perfume, totally mesmerised by me.... err no, mesmerised more by the dupatta, doesn't happen!!! And, there's no slow background score playing too.
- Again, no chances of the dupatta getting tangled in his chain or anything else are nil! So no moments of looking-into-each-other's-eyes-while-music-plays-in-the-background.
- I don't wear heels....so I don't fall while walking with a lot of files with un-filed papers in them (which are almost always blank!),which would all fly in the air and then settle down due to gravity after taking their own sweet time after I fall, so again, there are no falling-and-he-coming-to-hold-me-whilst-a-slow-song-plays-in-the-background happens!!
- I'm always the most inconspicuous person at a wedding(still, my duur ke rishtedaar aunts are successful in locating me and bombard me with inane questions and rishtas!), so no Salman-Madhuri moment happening too in my life, pretty much because I'm too lazy to either get involved in the juta churaoing thing or to lazy to flirt with the dulha's friends/brothers!
- I can't get a plastic surgery done on my face which would: increase my height, increase my weight, make my voice more mellifluous isn't possible!!!
- Due to the fact that till now my college was just a few blocks away from my house, I never really needed to travel in a car. So, I'd have to turn down any 'do-you-want-a-lift-home' offers from prospective boyfriends, which had I accepted, would definitely lead to a road in the middle of a jungle, where there's been no civilization since the dinosaurs, in the middle of the night and suddenly the car would break down, it would get stormy and start raining, the cell phone networks would go off too, and he and I'd be forced to camp in the jungle around a bonfire, eating fruits, me wearing his jacket to protect myself from rain and cold, and then there'll be a slow song playing in the background and we'd look into each other's eyes and realise the love we have for each other!!!
- I don't cook, so no chances of us atta-kneading together in a very desi lift off from the Ghost!!!
- I'm almost always on time everywhere....so I'm never missing trains!! So, no chances of meeting a rich industrialist on the way of our catching up the missed train who'd make sure I reach home safely after I miss my train because of him (Damn! I almost missed my flight from Washington to Mumbai 2 years back!! Shit, had Jab We Met released by then, I'd have not made the efforts to run for 20 minutes like a crazy woman at the Washington airport to catch my plane!)
- No goondas ever chedo me when I'm with a guy...so no action scene where I'd go all spiderman, spiderman, here comes the spiderman in awe!!
- (* Warning: Twilight special!*) And finally, the killer-est of all ideas. Literally! Because, 1) it's never cloudy all year round, 2)leave alone having rains all year round, we don't even have rains in the rainy season here, 3) the vast human population to tempt them, 4) the lack of widlife nearby, 5) it's so freaking sunny everyday , here, in Mumbai, that there are no chances of vampires being able to thrive here! So, here goes my chances of falling in love with a vegetarian vampire like Edward Cullen! And, because there are no vampires, there are no were-wolves to protect everyone from vampires....so here goes another consolation prize chance of hooking up with someone like Jacob Black. Just imagine, having 2 guys, one Edward and other Jacob first fighting each other for you and then fighting everyone else for you....you must really be a lucky b***h!!!
P.S: This post comes out in frustration of
- Watching soaps right from Dill Mil Gaye, Miley Jab Hum Tum and the likes for over 6 months! (that's where the songs-playing-in-the-background idea comes from!)
- Writing a Shakespearean tragedy in Elizabethan english for 14 hours and then, my team-mates asking me to put some comic relief in the play because it's way too serious!!! What do I tell such people?!?