January 29, 2009

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire??

It's the season of millionaires.... As usual, ironies in life at its best. On the one hand we have recession biting into people's pockets and on the other hand, we have millionaires being the toast of the season!! Even if they're onscreen millionaires, so what... after all, millionaire MILLIONAIRE hota hain!! So, here's Nupur's list of how you can be a millionaire (no need to go to slums for that!! See, my blog saves you the effort and money!)

10) Suggest people how to be a millionaire and charge them 10% royalty after they become one! 10% of 10 L = 1L.... so you need only 10 bakras to be a millionaire yourself!!!

9) Have a fling with a celebrity with a wild lifestyle... the Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan clones, be sure of getting full on media coverage and then after your break up (you didn't really think yours would be a long term commitment, did you?!!?), write a TELL-ALL book and rake in the moolah

8) Sell all the gold you have!!Gold prices are at an all time high.!! Considering the fact that you're an Indian, would mean you'd have enough gold to make you a millionaire!

7) Go to the US, eat at McDonald's, Subway, Pizza Hut... anywhere in short, fall sick (highly improbable, though...!! Your intestines are used to any new mutated species of Salmonella... You survive on Mumbai street food, afterall!!), yeah so fall sick and then sue them for a couple of million dollars!!

6) Rather than investing in the stock market, bet with your buddies on which will be the next company to declare bankruptcy/fraud. It'll provide you with rich dividends, if you place your bet properly!

5) Open a xerox ki dukaan outside Mithibai. Trust me, there's no competition there!! There are like 17-18 xerox wallah, still we have a half an hour waiting period. Their daily income must be only a few cents less than Mukesh Ambani's!

4) Go, participate in a money based quiz show... like KBC... and put all your bachpan ki yaadien together and win the money! (sorry, no creativity this one has!)

3) Now, this was suggested by my Mom after she went broke paying for my admission forms: Open a B-School, or rather, just sell your prospectus and become a BILLIONAIRE. Sample this, 1200 on an average per form. At least 50000 fools buy the form... this is 60,000,000= 60 million!! 60 times more than what you asked for. And if you're one of the greedy souls, charge them separately for GD/PI too.

2) Dare anyone copy this idea- you never know, I might be doing it in a few years... just in case none of the people who read this and became millionaires, or they became mean and didn't give me the 10% of their money: Marry a rich NRI!!! There are a lotta rich, Gujju NRIs in USA.... and surprisingly, they're cute too!! When I last checked them out, I didn't have much time to check for their brains, but considering the fact that their siblings went to Wharton, they'd have at least something of a brain in them!! (Yes, you're right, this is in reference to the cute NRI I had a crush on when I went to the States!!).

But,the NRI of the season has to be Dev Patel!! My non-Gujju friends any which ways think that I'm gonna marry an NRI Patel (All Gujjus don't marry Patels, dumb friends I have, I know!). But I don't mind Dev... he's tall,dark and handsome.... and yeah a rich NRI too!!

Now, the number one trick in case no 10 to 2 failed...... Go rob a bank....or even a casino in Vegas would do...! You'd even get free liquor there!!

All my money mindedness should be blamed on the fact that I'm gonna be doing an MBA.... I was never like this before!!! Any which ways, go ahead, follow the Nupurvani, become karodpatis... and send the 10% wala cheque to me!! May the Force be with you..! (Am not much of a Star Wars fan, but the only two things I liked were this line... and the guy who played Anakin Skywalker ... in the movie where he turns evil.. don't remember which one it was though!!)


saket said...

you have an admirable sense of humor and a witty way of expressing it..!!

Nupur said...

@ Saket: Thank you!!

ankit said...

are u sure 60,000,000 is six million???????
coz dats 6,00,00,000 i.e. six crores....n 10 lakhs is 1 million.....so 6,00,00,000 or 60,00,000 wud b SIXTY million....

pls cn4m.......m very bad at dis.......ask swami ajayanand..

Nupur said...

@Ankit: yeah you're right!! it is 60 million...!!! see, now people will believe me when I say my numbers are wobbly!! (especially the zeroes!!)

Thanks, for bringing the issue to my notice...!

P.S: Ajay's numbers are wobblier than mine!!

Shruti said...

hey this was one of ur nicest posts!!

Nupur said...

@ Shruti: Hey thanks yaar!

AJ said...

or open a business school,get fake accreditations and buy good staff.
its an investment but look at the returns..
all seats shall be paid seats.there should be bidding
you become rich

later open a college for medicine with that money..100X more

Nupur said...

AJ: I could be richer with just selling the admission forms...! why work on maintaining the college.... ah! Librans.... they hate working!!!

AJ said...

if u want ill run it...the indian education(sorry to say) has lost all its ethics...
its such a money making business..
i wanna be the dean..probably like sonia gandhis role in our govt.

Nupur said...

@ AJ: Sure...!! If I had the funds to open a college... you'll be the dean!