Paay Laagu "Google Devta" Ke.....

I was in the middle of a romantic holiday with Ranbir Kapoor on a Gondola in Venice; when I was jolted back to my room in Mumbai by a phone call from a friend asking me if I had completed my project. “The effect of Sodium mono glutamate on the breeding pattern of Drosophila melanogastor”-20 pages!! Ranboo had just gone down on his knees, when I realized that I was in trouble… knee deep trouble! Less than 6 hours to complete a 20 page project!! Only Google could’ve saved my ass!! I planted myself before my PC, keyed in the topic on the Google toolbar and prayed to Lord Google to come down from Silicon Valley and help me! By the 7th page of the results thrown up, I got precisely what I was looking for and my 20-pager was done in 3 hours…I even got to spend the other 3 hours to dream about Ranboo and me in the Gondola!!

Call me a lazy bum or a parasite on Google, but I refuse to sit amidst a pile of Genetics tomes for days trying to find more about Drosophila’s sex life when one can have the same result in a matter of minutes. Talk about being technically civilized!! Google’s contribution to the student kind is stuff that the years to come will talk about. I don’t see half the number of projects/ assignments/ submissions etc taking place if not for Google! Students today can do without sleeping in lectures but making projects without Google is like asking Rakhi Sawant to do a stage show in a burqa!

What began as a college project between 2 Stanford students went on to revolutionize the way the future would study. Trust me, I’m still trying to figure out how Larry Page and Sergey Brin (Who?? Google ‘em!!) managed a ‘project’ without the blessings of Lord Google!! They completely changed the way internet was and would be used.

Anything that you want, Google gives it to you in a click. Be it the name of Laloo Prasad Yadav’s sixth kid or the capital of Xanadu…. Every need of homo sapiens is taken care by Google Devta! Not only on the professional level, but also on the personal level. Remember Googling out every small detail about the new cute actor coming up…. From his date of birth to the marks scored in his Std III Grammar test?? There are days, though when Google does have its Bad Google Days… days when it throws up all possible irrelevant results and you are left without your last resort! But then we can blame our destiny for that!


For the sheer amount of selfless service from Google on which the entire student community is luxuriously growing, I think, we should make a temple in the name of the Computer God…. Just as a Thank You gesture and a request to continue doing so even for our great grand kids!! So everyone, “Zor se bolo: Paay Laagu Google Devta ke”!!!

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Looking at the number of Untitled posts, I think I can actually write an entire 'Untitled' book!! And guess what would the name of the book be?? 'Untitled' of course!!! Ok... Now that I've come back to cracking stupid jokes, I know I'm in the mood to write and my writer's block is finally over!! Blogging feels so nice. Writing always feels nice. It's kinda therapeutic. The other day someone asked me "How do you blog so regularly, I can't" and I said... "To me it's kinda addictive".... It really is!! And now my friends introduce me to other people as "She's Nupur..... she blogs...!!!" *I'm smiling*


Somedays back, a friend of mine asked me a question while we were talking in the private lab of ours (It's not private... but we hang out over there while our practicals are going on in the adjoining lab...so now it's my gang's lab!)"when I mentioned that I love one of the titles of my blogs 'Violions, Saxophones and Tears'.... she asked me "What is love... what exactly does one feel when in lovel" . She's never been in love. It's been 3 weeks since she asked me the question and 3 years of me being hopelessly in love and yet today I'm without an answer. Seriously wondering what love exactly is? Keeping or giving.... what is it? Giving, I say. For me, it is.... giving.


I know CAT is just near my doorstep but I continue watching TV and then advicing people what to watch and what not to watch. Please check out MTV Tickr... it's really funny. Especially because RGV and Himmesh are its all time bakras! Today's Tickr read: Himmesh doesn't wear his cap these days and leaves his hair open to cover his face. His friends are relieved becuase it would be ok for them to not recognise him now!! And BTW, please check out the HARI UUUMMMMM video...... it's funny!! There's also a song called TANDOORI NIGHTS!!!!! Wow!!! I'll be tandoori Nupur if I see this crap! IF!


Coming to music videos, I never realised that the 'mit jaaye' video from Kidnap was shot with Imran Khan in a bathtub!! I was too looking at Imran to notice anything else!! One of my friends is getting free premiere passes for Kidnap. If you read a 'Dost dost na raha' post some days later, kindly assume that this friend of mine didn't give me the pass and went alone. I mean come on yaar.... You fell in love with Imran because of my constant I'm-in-love-with-Imran-Khan talks re!! Please take me with you!!


I'm sure all of you've seen Vijender.... the CUTE boxer who won an Olympic Bronze..... I just mentioned him because I find him cute!


I'm thinking of changing my career once again and doing Computer Engineering. I recovered my laptop which crashed due to some stupid virus from the throes of a hard disk crashing! Even the guy who came to repair it said the hard disk's gone.... but I got my lappy back... put in 3 days of non stop effort and finally did it... yay!! I have one more profession to fall back on.

Before ending the post, people please think about the other habitants of this planet and do your bit for them. There's this group who's working for the closing down of slaughter houses and showing some bit of humanity to animals. It's not our planet for us to kill other weaker sections of the planet only because the are not useful to us anymore. We're not God. Time we realise it. Please sign up the petition at www.jivdaya.net Every signature would make a difference. Please sign up. Won't take more than 2 min. Please do it.

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I'm still outta my creative grey cells and I've lost all the non creative ones to my FALL! I'm finally done with thinking about and unearthing topics revolving Mithibai to write for Campus Junkie. No more Mithibai pondering now!!

People please do yourselves a favour. Please check out Dostana trailer. John is looking ah so hot!!! You just can't miss this trailer!! You tube it asap!!Do yourself one more favour. Check out the Mit Jaaye song from the movie Kidnap.... Imran Khan. Period. But still, he's looking so hot in the meanie avatar! Anyways kisine toh kaha hain 'Girls love Bad Boys'. There's so much happening on the Bollywood front! Ok. I'll stop commenting on who's hot and who's not. I mean everyone's hot and I'm too lazy to write about all of them. The only un-hot thing happening there is Drona! Looking at Abhishek, I seriously doubt my choice some years back when I liked him! And to add to the disaster called Drona, here's something I heard about the movie which has me intrigued. Abhishek is playing a superhero in the movie and....hold your breath.... Priyanka Chopra is playing his bodyguard!! Bodyguard of a superhero!!! WOW! Now we need another superhero to save us..... minus a bodyguard!!

The most irritating thing that has happened is the bloods in Bihar. There are 2500 villages submerged in water. 30 lakh people without a roof and no news channel is broadcasting it. Because they're busy showing stupid comedy shows that don't make you laugh. High time people get the nature of their job right.

There was so much I wanted to write but now I've forgotten it all. So I'll end this post here!!

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I'm not drunk as yet but I'm seriously out of my creative grey cells to name this post.

Guess what.... I opened the morning papers to check out Bachna Ae Haseeno's review and the first thing I read there was that the story is written by none other than UDAY CHOPRA.... I've jettisoned all plans to see this film.... I really don't care if Ranboo is looking as hot as the sun's core. I can just stare at his pic in Lucky's magazine (I'll cut Deepika out of the pic and then stare at him!) I mean what's with Aditya Chopra... I really can't fathom.. the guy who gave us DDLJ.... is dishing out Neal n Nikki, Tashan, TPTM, and the likes.... and he has the guts to have Uday Chopra as a writer!! Gosh! He really loves his brother!!

Some respite offered by the papers was a quote by Akhil Kumar (who?? Go dump yourself in the Pacific Ocean) which read : Dreams aren't those you get while sleeping, Dreams are the ones that don't let you sleep. WOW. Even if this guy doesn't get a second gold for India, to me, he's already a winner. You can see the fire in his belly in this quote!! All the best! Go, make India proud.

Another good thing that came around today was a bit of snippet I read in TOI: 2 news channels are served with notices for encouraging superstitions..... Finally the courts woke up!!

Now, after Jab We Met and Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na, Rock On is one movie I'm feeling positive about. The aforementioned movies, were going to be good, said my gut feeling, which was proved right. I have the same feeling for Rock On. The music's great, the star cast is great, and I'm sure the story must be great too.... I really wanna watch the movie with my college friends just to celebrate the last few months together....because that's what I think the movie is about... the each-going-their-way of friends.

Now, this is highly unfair. CAT is on 16th Nov and Dostana is releasing on 14th!! No, my Sarkar crush on Abhishek hasn't been revived.... It's John.... just caught a pic of Dostana in BT some days back and I was left drooling over this guy for almost 5 minutes!! He's looking so cute!!! But then again, all cute guys are either committed or gay!! He's committed in real life and gay in reel!! Kidnap, another movie with IMRAN 'I-love-him' KHAN has it's promos all over the TV..... And it'll be releasing before 16th I'm sure.... Great.... A perfect recipe for making my CAT a disaster! Just check out his tattoo and tanned look.... Ah! He's so cute... I don't know how he'll pull off a baddie's role, but I wish him luck.... May the Force be with you! Wish he kidnapped me!! Trust me, I'd beg my folks not to pay the ransom!

Hmm... what else was I thinking of writing.... Ah! yes! Hetvi's party.... Had a blast at the party and was blasted after the party. Never mind that!! See, Hetu, I promised I'd dance for you, and I did.... and trust me I enjoyed dancing. I'll dance at your wedding.... and I promise it won't be my 'penguin dance'!! But you'll have to ensure that I have a very cute dancing partner.... I won't blow up my chances this time!!

Finally the Blogger's Blogged it!! People, please stop thinking that I'll blog every second of our lives and stop saying "Blog it you Blogger"!! Kinda creepy!

Where's the Real ME??

Trust me, I really feel that Hamlet must've been a Libran! For no one apart from Librans can be as indecisive and confused in life. My friends would agree on this one, of course due to the 'WHAT??' expression on my face, every time something happens!! How have I become so indecisive in life is something I really don't know... I never was in the earlier part of my life. Indecisive, emotionally dependent on people, always needing a Yes-go-ahead-whatever-you're-doing-is-right speech from my 'circle of best friends' , ready to cry at the drop of the hat, very gullible.. how!?! What have I become??

I was speaking to one of my school friends after a really long time.... and one observation she marked in me sent me into my now world famous thinking bouts. She said: What's wrong with you dame.... where's the firebrand Phoolan Devi of yore?? Where's the spark, the chutzpah, the Don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-kick-you-where-it-hurts-the-most attitude gone?? And what's with the tears girl?? Nupur's lost somewhere... Go find her...

Actually.... where has the Nupur gone...?? I never was like how I'm today... people are getting 440 volts ka jhatka every time they hear me....looking at the person I've become today.... I was never so confused in life...always made decisions in split seconds, even if they were about which clothes to shop for.... that is when I went shopping.... an event which was as frequent as a Hailey's Comet spotting. Now, that's changed too... I beg Mom to take me shopping.... and give my I'm-confused-what-to-buy looks. My Mom's relieved though.... you're finally showing some girl like traits, she says!! And she's relieved for one more thing....my love for cricket has subsided!!! But that's just until Irfan's out of the team...!!

I don't give it back to people these days. Every one's at their liberty to come and say whatever they please to me, and I assure you, I'll listen to it without any hint of protest or retorting back with my sarcasms, which actually marked my identity once upon a time.... Just yesterday I had another friend who said: Why don't you just tell the person who hurt you, what she did...
But I won't listen... Am on my "Tulsi Mission" na... of seeing this world as a better place and making every one's life worth living apart from mine!!

At Hetvi's party (read the next post for more on it!!) Aanchal remarked: "Nupur don't lose yourself to be one amongst others.... This is not the Nupur I know". Now it was just a casual comment, but it summed up pretty much everything.... the person who has the capability of reading my silence marked a change in me .... There must be something..... I know there's something... I always wanted to TRY things in life..... I tried them and saw what a disaster I made of myself and how I successfully screwed up somebody else's freedom on Independence Day... Maybe I'm not meant for them... Maybe I'm suited to be just a sweet, docile, typically Indian (read: shy, parents and God fearing, sundar ,susheel etc etc)girl. And I've realised I'm the best when I'm like that... I'm loved like this and I'll always stay like this.... the bold, don't-care-about-anyone girl is not me....I'll never go anywhere near that... I promise... I've learnt a lesson, and will remember it even after I get Alzheimer's....
Aanch, in the next party, you'll have company.... we'll get high on coke...don't worry!!!

And for the first time without consulting my 'circle of best friends' for advice, I've made a decision for myself.... I'm going to go back to my old days.... the days when I never cried for anyone, when I answered back people,when I wasn't emotionally dependent on others, when I made myown decisions, when no one dared mess with me, when I had a different spark to me, a different live wire personality.... I'm going to my old days..... After all, one of the people from my "circle of best friends" did say: It's your life... it's YOUR WISH..... (Who said only love hurts.... indifference hurts more than love, more so when it's indifference from your love !!!)

Violins, Saxophones and .....Tears

Why does there have to be sadness after happiness?? Why does there have to be a hangover after a high? Why does the light after a dark tunnel has to be one of an oncoming train? Why does every second post of mine have to be alternating in terms of happiness and sadness?!!? Why does one have to lose old relations to make certain new ones?? Why are tears inevitable after the mellifluous love music of violins and saxophones??

Please, don't press the panic button.... I've not hit another rock bottom on the emotionometer... I've just been introspecting and was kind of startled by the rhetoric questions 'myself' threw up before me...! It's the veracity of these questions that had me thinking. Everything in life has a pattern... everything follows a cycle..... day follows night... night follows day... summer follows winter.... tears follow smiles.... smiles follow tears.... yin follows yang and yang folllows yin...(okay, I agree, that was another type of 'following'!!)

I really don't know why people around me feel that the reason for my new makeover(new clothes, haircut and all) and for my new found happiness is LOVE... I'm not in love, people!!! Not as yet!! But if you continue singing 'Kissa tera, teri dastaan, chehraa tera khud kare baiyaan, kisise pyaar tujhe ho gaya... Haan tu maan ja..." I may want to fall in love!! But, I'M NOT IN LOVE!!!

Now love reminds me of violins and saxophones. Haven't seen Main Hoon Na... if that's what you are wondering. I know I'm sounding straight out of a Bollywood flick, but I do feel that in the initial few days when one falls in love, you actually see and hear violins and saxophones being played around you. I'm not kidding!! I've not exactly experinced it, but there is a different high that you feel, there's a different glow, there's a different laugh, a different reason to silently smile, a different reason to open the flap of your phone and stare at one particular name, a different reason to do things differently. I know it sounds cliched, but, love does make you blind. If not blind, but definitely oblivious to your surroundings. Count the number of times you give something your Mom asked you for to your Dad. My parents have lost count!!

Whatever comes around goes around. Whatever has made you smile, will be the only thing that would make you cry.... and with double the intensity. Violins and saxophones have to be replaced with Himmesh Reshammiya's 'Tanhaiiyaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn" with the nasal sound effects as well. But why? Can't a pure and selfless feeling like love be just left the way it is.... happy and sanguine? Why does the pristine love ballad written with so many memories and heartlfelt emotions be erased with tears?

Guess, that's life and it's patterns. Love has it's highs and it's lows..... and you know what, to me both are beautiful..... There's a different charm of both the aspects of this feeling..... At least there's some lucky person in this world for whom there are tears being shed. Seriously lucky.

Oh God... I just re read what I've written and I realised that yet again, I've written stuff that makes no sense... !! I just loved the title 'Violins, Saxophones and Tears' and wanted to build up something around it... !! So just typed away nonsense!! And yeah, please, I'm not in love.... not again..!!! Don't have the heart for it anymore!! Nor the guts and patience, and besides my lacrimal glands are facing a serious draught situation!! So, my friends, please save the song for sometime later. Maybe my would-happen-would-not-happen wedding!!!! But please don't start mentioning names you've previously sung this song for...!

Much Ado About Nothing

I'm not an atheist. I'm not an Agnostic. I do believe in spirituality, I do believe in Karma, I do believe in religion. But I believe in the religion called humanity... where all humans are considered equal, irrespective of the many criteria we've come up with to help in classifying them. I believe in everyone being treated equal and according to me, it's our duty to help in the same.

One thing I don't really like these days is the glamorization of festivals that has taken place. I agree festivals are meant to be celebrated but there's always a nice way to do it. My friends often complain that I do not "enjoy" festivals.... My reply to them is that, if "enjoying" means what everyone today is doing, I'm happy in my non enjoy state.

Let's take Diwali first. I don't get the point in spending thousands of rupees in buying crackers and then eventually burning them.... for what?? Please tell me why. What is the need of increasing air and noise pollution when the festival, traditionally is only about spreading joy and happiness and beginning life afresh.... Where the hell do the crackers fit in? And please don't give me the you-are-a-Jain-hence-you're-talking-like-one theory. I'd rather spend the same amount of money by helping the people in need and help them regain a grip over their lives than burn them up. There are so many people who need help, just try going to a Govt. hospital once and see how people lose their loved ones due to paucity of just a few grands, which we spend without thinking twice.

Holi. Farmers are committing suicide all over the country, the Vidharba belt in Maharashtra to be particular due to water scarcity...... why....? Due the the extra couple of million litres that has to be pumped in your house so that you could "enjoy" a festival. Never mind the death an entire family has to die because of your "enjoyment". Sorry, I cannot and will not indulge in anything so obscenely heinous. Even though this makes me just one amongst a billion people in the country... so be it.... I'd also like to tell Raj Thackeray that his love for fellow Maharashtrians would be justified not be kicking non-Maharashtrians out, but by fighting for his own Maharashtrian brothers by not letting them commit suicide, by proposing and implementing the construction of dams and ensuring a regualr water supply to the farmers all year round. Mr. Thackeray, this issue needs a higher priority.... it's about life and death here.

One festival I don't celebrate for personal reasons is Raksha Bandhan.... I mean due to social obligations and formalities I do have to tie rakhis to my cousins.... but somewhere down the line, I often wonder... does this piece of thread mean anything to anybody? My aloofness with RB is due to the fact that I don't have a brother and for people who say that doesn't make a difference, I beg to differ.... That makes a humongous difference. The bond is missing. The feeling is missing. The assurance that an elder brother's hand on your head gives is missing. I know I have lots in life to complain about the few little things that I don' t have. But this time of the year makes me feel really lonely... and this time it's not because of the lack of 'someone special', but because the absence of a brother and the presence of cousins who are either too busy to come to get a rakhi tied or are too small to understand what the piece of thread means. All I know is that when I needed a brother figure on whose shoulders I could cry on, I didn't have one. When I need a brother to kick people's asses when someone spoke shit about me, I had to silently pray that if not a brother maybe a friend would do the needful. When I needed someone to want to break the bones of the guy whom I liked but cried for, I had to make do with the pillow. I feel so jealous of my friends who have brothers who call them 1000 times if it's raining too heavily, who take them out to shopping with his own money, who are possessive of their sisters to the point of claustrophobia, who can see everything in the world but just not tears in his sister's eyes. I don't have a brother, agreed, but then I do have friends who care for me.... and I'm happy about that, but just not at this time of the year.

About Friendship's Day and Valentine's Day.... All I can say is that do we really need a special day to celebrate the presence of special people in our lives?? I think it's just a lovely way to have Archie's and Hallmark owners' kids spend a couple of lakhs more every month. You can't celebrate FD by tying bands one day only to have them strewn on the floor the next... This is the reason I never get bands, and not the 'Gujju' genes of saving money. But I do reply to people's messages regarding the same, but this year I didn't....had fought with all my best friends for the first time just 2 days prior to FD.... I felt like throwing my phone outta window with every ensuing message that I received. FD and VD, I think, should be celebrated in reality by finding time for your friend/lover who need you even if you're totally submerged in the sea of your problems.....for I do the same, and hence advocate it.

I really feel that rather than making a show of emotions just on one day, why can't we rather show it as empathy for others? One thing I know for sure is that the day I start earning, after I send my parents on the Europe tour that I want to, I will give away some amount of it back to the society. Life is all about making other's lives worth living as well na. If you can please help anyone you can, even your friend who's down just before your exam. Trust me, if that person is a true friend, he/she will never forget the gesture.

Things I Should Not do....

Please read the following at your own risk. Especially for people who have a hairfall problem... you might want to pull out whatever is left on your scalp. Aanchal, I didn't think of you even a bit while writing this last line!!

The first thing that comes to my mind about what all stuff I'm not supposed to do is DANCE. Well, for humanity's sake and for the penguins... I will abstain from dancing! I mentioned penguins because my friends feel that that my dance resembles the Happy Feet dance that the penguins danced, and if they saw my version, that would be more fatal to them than even Global Warming! Thank God, I don't have a boyfriend, otherwise he'd have to die because my "jab tak hain jaan jaane jahaan main nachungi" moment would ensure that!

Second thing that my friends think that I should not do is SING... I know no one is gonna believe me but, I've been complimented before that I have an 'Indian Idol' potential in me... nah not the potential of singing egregiously and make the national audience laugh, but to sing really well. But Hetvi will kill me if I open my mouth to sing.... See, the tyranny I'm living in?? Chalo, pity me!!

Third thing that I think I should not do is go for a HAIRCUT.... no matter where I go, no matter how much ever I shell out, he outcome of this activity is the same: disaster! What can I expect from an egregious recombination of DNA that took place ages ago and I landed up with WAVY hair... which looks like a bird's nest even on Good Hair days!! Yeah you guessed it right, I've had a haircut , though the people around me are saying it's looking good, I somehow feel it's egregious!!

Fourth thing that I think car drivers don't want me to do is cross the road, especially in front f their vehicles. I can't cross a road... not even to save my life. So if in future you decide to murder me, take me to a road and leave me in the middle of it, trust me, I won't return alive!! Drivers (male) would also not want me to drive a car, but that toh I'm gonna do any which ways. Jay, stop making faces, if you are!

Fifth thing that I should not do for my to-be husband and kids is COOK. I will love them and hence wouldn't want them to die a premature death by eating mere haath ka banna hua khaana. I will definitely cook for my saas, well, that's what she'd be expecting from me na!! I still remember the expressions people had on their faces after eating the pasta I cooked... which was at a time when they didn't know of the toxic, noxious, potent, virulent food that I can cook. I'm totally just not a bahu material!! No wonder, the lines on my hands according to my Mansi, the astrologer in my class who reads hands during lectures to keep boredom at bay, says I won't get married in this lifetime!!! Shit man... Kismet can't do this to me!

Sixth thing that I think I should not do is say "mere paas blog hain" whenever Lakshmi says, "mere paas gaadi hain and et cetera et cetera" because if Hetvi hears this again from me, shell definitely kill me. This time because I opened my mouth not to sing, but to say that mere paas blog hain thingie. Damn, if not for oral cancer which is gonna be the kaaran for my maut(due to nonstop talking and nothing else, you pervert minds!!) , I'm gonna die because of the shit I speak and because of Hetvi's lack of patience on my death day, should she murder me due to the incessant balderdash from me!! Hets darling, I don't want you in jail due to my murder(I know you won't go to jail... you have a lawyer mommy and sis), but still to be on a safer side, leave me beech majhdhar main on a road. Even you know what'll happen. R.I.P Nupur.

Seventh thing that I should not do is talk on the phone. I'd rather die of oral cancer than brain tumour due to my ek lauta phone's radiations.

Eighth thing that I should not do is watch really nice movies like Saathiya, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Swades, DDLJ, Dil Toh Pagal Hain, Dil Chahta Hain, Titanic, Jab We Met, Jaane Tu... ya Jaane Na and the likes, for every time I watch a really good movie, I feel like writing a biiiiig post on it and I don't have the time to do that! I just scraped the idea of writing what all I liked in HDDCS that I saw for the 13 1/2 time on Saturday, because of my AIMCAT the other day!

Ninth thing that I should not do for my friends is stop cribbing about the fact that I'm th only single in town. I just didn't realize that I have Lucky and Manshi for company in the ' Single ready to Mingle' gang. So, Rads and Rao, don't worry, all my I'm-gonna-die-singletalks won't happen again!

Tenth thing I SHOULD do is have a look at the brown circular thing hanging on the wall of my room to have a look at the time I spent in writing yet another shitty post and should be done with it asap, to save humanity again!! On second thoughts, I think the day I die, humanity will be saved from all the possible catastropies (except the one named George Bush) beacuse I won't be alive to continue doing them anymore. So please pray that I get a sundar, susheel, amir, understanding, caring, respectful, should-be-playing-at least-one-sport, should-be-staying-at-Pali Hill-and-driving-a-Lexus, studying-at-Wharton, holidaying-in-Italy, shopping-in-NYC etc etc guy real soon, so that I can live my life till I want to and then I'll start singing and someone will come and end my life. See, I'm so lazy that I won't even die by myself!! Hets, I trust you... please do the honours!!

R.I.P Nupur....... only carnations and orchids on my grave please.

P.S: All the people who did a victory dance after reading about my to-be-death, please don;t be so happy as yet, as I'm not dying so soon!!! I still have to master singing and dancing before I die... Gotta it for my wedding na.... I hope this was not the reason Mansi said I won't get married!!

 

P.S 2: One more thing I won't do for m frail and fragile heart is FALL IN LOVE AGAIN........ so Aanch, please stop singing Kissa Tera.... Teri Daastan... Chehra Tera... Kare Baiyaan... Tujhe Pyaar Ho gaya... Ab maan ja!!!

All I'm asking for is ... a bit of patience... and a li'l amount of Happiness....

Disclaimer: This post was written in an utter state of exasperation.... while I was sitting on the roof of my 5th floor terrace, with a knife on my right side, cyanide tablets on my left and a rope around my neck...so please pardon me for the ensuing post. It was before I felt the endorphin rush(in one of my earlier post I had mentioned serotonin as a feel good hormone, but some amount of laziness shedding and googling yielded that its endorphin release that makes you feel good and not serotonin...sorry for misguiding) This post bears no resemblance to living or dead or brain dead( which most of us are)

24 hours... 24 hours in a day.... 86400 seconds in a day.... everybody has the same amount of time, but I wonder where does all of it go when you actually need just 5 minutes of patient listening from someone? Is that asking for too much? 5 minutes... well maybe, our's is such a fast paced life... after all.

There are times when you genuinely don't feel like talking, presumably because there's not much to talk about... but still, people aren't patient enough to understand the lack of a "reason" for this sudden maunvrat. There are so many thought processes going on in one's mind and the person doesn't wish to talk because of/about them, not because the person's world has turned upside down and he/she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown that's causing the silence, just because the person just wants some inner peace of mind. Well, sometimes, silence, indeed is golden, even for a blabbermouth me. (No offences meant, to whomsoever)

3 years and everyone around me is losing patience... and for this in a way I don't blame them... it was very juvenile of me not to let go of certain things and keep harping upon it on every opportunity. But then, in the other way that I may blame them is without a bit of patience from them its really difficult to give up something that borders on obsession, if I may call it, though its as hard as a chappati made by me a term,( 'obsession' that is.) I will be indebted to all the people who've stood behind me, with me, ahead of me, besides me till death for doing so.... just give me a li'l more amount of patience and time... I'll be a different ME. (I won't stop talking and making you read my blogs at gunpoint though, if that's what you've assumed as the DIFFERENT ME change). I'm on my way to semi-nirvana, just some more time!

There's a point I want to prove to everyone yet no one... I, female, can drive... if not better than, then at least as good as my male counterparts. There's no sword hanging over my head to do so, neither am I the only one in my family who can drive.... but its the sense of independence that I can feel when I'm in front of the wheel that's making me want to desperately drive, and drive well at that. All I'm asking is for a bit of patience.... from everyone... I'm still learning... the car I drive is different from the one I drove in driving school... I need time to acclimatise.... I need patience, I need a you-can-do-it-its-just-a-matter-of-practise speech every time I'm unable to start the car from the second gear. After all I'm trying to master something that comes as naturally to girls as dressing up for an hour in front of the mirror comes to guys. The latter would require patience too na, for you to do it guys... and I'm not even talking about mastering the trait!!

Why is it that if you're in your graduation year and happen to go to a wedding (obviously decked up an all.... your mom won't allow it otherwise... especially if you're one of the girl species who spends a total of just 5 nanoseconds in front of the mirror..like me) the only question you're asked is.... so when are the wedding bells gonna ring for you and you're next in line....by aunties who care about me as much as my kaamwali does about about Osama's whereabouts. I don't go around asking you, when are the death bells gonna ring for you or you're next in line... at a funeral! There's much more to do in life than just sit at home with a saas hovering over your head and you silently weeping at night about all the years slogging to get the coveted degrees that eventually became equivalent to the household raddi. There's much more to my life, for sure, all you aunties... please read this.

And while I'm at the topic of my "life", let me make it clear to everyone, the reason why I want to go out of Mumbai for my MBA.... For one, 20 years of my life, I've lived life according to what my family wanted me to .... good grades, quintessential daughter, a little less than perfect sister(!!)... but don't get me wrong... I am and will always be like this ... all I want to do is live life where I won't be told everyday do this or do that.... I'm lucky to have parents who are so cool and understand and respect my need for space and privacy, and I don't want to sound too greedy by asking more, but it's just that I want to figure out where my 'nirvana' lies.... because for me life is not all about degrees too. I want to find about who the real 'me' is... I want to break free from the protected cocoon my parents have so carefully and lovingly woven for me, for life is not like that. I want to experience and learn life first hand, the heartbreaks, bitching, double crossing, backstabbing....everything included. I want to be strong on my own. I want to be self made just like my Dad. I want people to come upto to parents and say 'Like father, like daughter'. I want to make the proud. My parents have taught me to fly, now I want them to push me off the cliff to ensure that I practice what I learnt, just like the sparrow family. And I know, that my parents will also agree on this one that they can trust me that I can never wrong them or put their head down in shame in any respect, due to my living-my-life-by-my-terms.

For two, I don't know what future holds for me... when I may get married, to whom, if he's the one I've always wanted and consoled myself with getting him one day, I don't know who he is. After marriage to a large extent what I'd do would be just a reflection of what he wants me to do, in a way, this might be the case, I don't know this would be it ,though. But then when I'm 60 and retrospecting on life, I don't want to think that first 25 years I lived according to my family and the next 25 years according to my second family and then wonder over the question when in these 60 years did I live for MYSELF, like I wanted to live, on my terms, by my rules, by my convictions? I totally agree with Geet from Jab We Met when she said, " Meri zindagi jaise hain, main jaanti hoon ki mere wajah se hain, kal uthke main kisiko blame nahi karna chahti ki jee tumhare wajah se meri zindagi barbaad ho gayi".

I frankly don't know what interpretation you're gonna have of this post, and I'll tell you very brazenly, I don't even care what anyone thinks, I know what I'm doing, I know what I want and I know for sure that the people who matter to me today... Mom, Dad, Niyati, Rads, Rao, Neha, Jay, Aanch, Hets and Mansh are gonna be the people I'd come back to, at the end of the day, just like how the baby sparrow returns the nest in the evening after exploring the world on its own. Just gimme a bit of patience folks, just a bit of patience.