August 6, 2008

Things I Should Not do....

Please read the following at your own risk. Especially for people who have a hairfall problem... you might want to pull out whatever is left on your scalp. Aanchal, I didn't think of you even a bit while writing this last line!!

The first thing that comes to my mind about what all stuff I'm not supposed to do is DANCE. Well, for humanity's sake and for the penguins... I will abstain from dancing! I mentioned penguins because my friends feel that that my dance resembles the Happy Feet dance that the penguins danced, and if they saw my version, that would be more fatal to them than even Global Warming! Thank God, I don't have a boyfriend, otherwise he'd have to die because my "jab tak hain jaan jaane jahaan main nachungi" moment would ensure that!

Second thing that my friends think that I should not do is SING... I know no one is gonna believe me but, I've been complimented before that I have an 'Indian Idol' potential in me... nah not the potential of singing egregiously and make the national audience laugh, but to sing really well. But Hetvi will kill me if I open my mouth to sing.... See, the tyranny I'm living in?? Chalo, pity me!!

Third thing that I think I should not do is go for a HAIRCUT.... no matter where I go, no matter how much ever I shell out, he outcome of this activity is the same: disaster! What can I expect from an egregious recombination of DNA that took place ages ago and I landed up with WAVY hair... which looks like a bird's nest even on Good Hair days!! Yeah you guessed it right, I've had a haircut , though the people around me are saying it's looking good, I somehow feel it's egregious!!

Fourth thing that I think car drivers don't want me to do is cross the road, especially in front f their vehicles. I can't cross a road... not even to save my life. So if in future you decide to murder me, take me to a road and leave me in the middle of it, trust me, I won't return alive!! Drivers (male) would also not want me to drive a car, but that toh I'm gonna do any which ways. Jay, stop making faces, if you are!

Fifth thing that I should not do for my to-be husband and kids is COOK. I will love them and hence wouldn't want them to die a premature death by eating mere haath ka banna hua khaana. I will definitely cook for my saas, well, that's what she'd be expecting from me na!! I still remember the expressions people had on their faces after eating the pasta I cooked... which was at a time when they didn't know of the toxic, noxious, potent, virulent food that I can cook. I'm totally just not a bahu material!! No wonder, the lines on my hands according to my Mansi, the astrologer in my class who reads hands during lectures to keep boredom at bay, says I won't get married in this lifetime!!! Shit man... Kismet can't do this to me!

Sixth thing that I think I should not do is say "mere paas blog hain" whenever Lakshmi says, "mere paas gaadi hain and et cetera et cetera" because if Hetvi hears this again from me, shell definitely kill me. This time because I opened my mouth not to sing, but to say that mere paas blog hain thingie. Damn, if not for oral cancer which is gonna be the kaaran for my maut(due to nonstop talking and nothing else, you pervert minds!!) , I'm gonna die because of the shit I speak and because of Hetvi's lack of patience on my death day, should she murder me due to the incessant balderdash from me!! Hets darling, I don't want you in jail due to my murder(I know you won't go to jail... you have a lawyer mommy and sis), but still to be on a safer side, leave me beech majhdhar main on a road. Even you know what'll happen. R.I.P Nupur.

Seventh thing that I should not do is talk on the phone. I'd rather die of oral cancer than brain tumour due to my ek lauta phone's radiations.

Eighth thing that I should not do is watch really nice movies like Saathiya, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Swades, DDLJ, Dil Toh Pagal Hain, Dil Chahta Hain, Titanic, Jab We Met, Jaane Tu... ya Jaane Na and the likes, for every time I watch a really good movie, I feel like writing a biiiiig post on it and I don't have the time to do that! I just scraped the idea of writing what all I liked in HDDCS that I saw for the 13 1/2 time on Saturday, because of my AIMCAT the other day!

Ninth thing that I should not do for my friends is stop cribbing about the fact that I'm th only single in town. I just didn't realize that I have Lucky and Manshi for company in the ' Single ready to Mingle' gang. So, Rads and Rao, don't worry, all my I'm-gonna-die-singletalks won't happen again!

Tenth thing I SHOULD do is have a look at the brown circular thing hanging on the wall of my room to have a look at the time I spent in writing yet another shitty post and should be done with it asap, to save humanity again!! On second thoughts, I think the day I die, humanity will be saved from all the possible catastropies (except the one named George Bush) beacuse I won't be alive to continue doing them anymore. So please pray that I get a sundar, susheel, amir, understanding, caring, respectful, should-be-playing-at least-one-sport, should-be-staying-at-Pali Hill-and-driving-a-Lexus, studying-at-Wharton, holidaying-in-Italy, shopping-in-NYC etc etc guy real soon, so that I can live my life till I want to and then I'll start singing and someone will come and end my life. See, I'm so lazy that I won't even die by myself!! Hets, I trust you... please do the honours!!

R.I.P Nupur....... only carnations and orchids on my grave please.

P.S: All the people who did a victory dance after reading about my to-be-death, please don;t be so happy as yet, as I'm not dying so soon!!! I still have to master singing and dancing before I die... Gotta it for my wedding na.... I hope this was not the reason Mansi said I won't get married!!

P.S 2: One more thing I won't do for m frail and fragile heart is FALL IN LOVE AGAIN........ so Aanch, please stop singing Kissa Tera.... Teri Daastan... Chehra Tera... Kare Baiyaan... Tujhe Pyaar Ho gaya... Ab maan ja!!!


AJ said...

hey i love know i did have a piece of my last wishes in mind but didnt have the bloody time to pen down.
but great,if i didnt know after reading this i could tell you are a libran beacuse this is so typically libran!!

Nupur said...

@AJ: Libran to the core.... hail Librans!! We'll rule the world!!

PRASAD said...

leos rule (n roar) re...........well talkin abt hair........u can do a britney spears......atleast she'll hav some company....

neha said...

Ha, funny post. I'm struggling with #8 yaar. But not because I write big posts on it after watching, I'm just a senti who is still caught up in the emotion days after :) Anyway, entertaining post!

Dhawal Chotai said...

Great posts gal, way to go!
BREAKING NEWS on Aaj Tak: "City on Red Alert...Girl with a sense of humor at large in Mumbai! Beware!" :P


Nupur said...

@Rao: Apna raasta naap!!! Librans rule! Go ask Rads, if you dnt trust me!

Nupur said...

@Neha: Same here, buddy... some movies really make u so involved in them!

Nupur said...

@Dhawal: Thank You.... Aaj Tak is in any case in need of news!!!