July 24, 2008

How To Patao The Watchman Into Letting You In

Ah! We’ve all secured admissions(again/ for the first time) in the much coveted Mithibai College … and now the colleges have reopened. What a relief to come back to college(Yeah, call me a geek, call me a nerd… but I love going to college.. it is so much better than sitting at home…at least there’s no physical work you’re supposed to do in college!!). I don’t know about other colleges but in Mithibai, if you happen to forget your ID cards or the fee receipts … you’ve committed a cardinal sin! All the temptation you resisted by getting up at 6 in the morning and dragging yourself to college goes down the nullah that flows (or rather, is stagnant!) by the college! Here are a list of whacky ideas you can use to enter the college should you forget your ID at home… the ID was in another bag, it is with the principal, my friend is supposed to get mine…I happened to leave it in her/his book, etc etc are passé…. Let’s look at ideas that are not clichéd… (Thank God, this article won’t have my picture alongside it… otherwise the Mithibai Watchman Association would run after me like how Sunny Deol ran after Pakistanis!!)

*Disclaimer: The author doesn’t own responsibility if any of the following excuses were used and the user were crucified!
  • I gave it instead of my license to the Pandu at the signal, by mistake of course!
  • I used the patta of the card to keep control of my dog… but he ran away with the neighbour’s bitch (dog ki striling wali bitch baba!!) so my ID also … you know..
  • The theatre doorman confiscated it as I shot Ranbir Kapoor’s “towel” scene on my phone…(the doorman definitely worked for Mithibai before joining Fame… that explains the confiscation of ID on every trivial matter!)
  • I used the patta of the ID to kill myself (didn’t want to spend money on buying a rope) and ever since, it lying on my fan
  • It is lying in the “WANTED” section of the girl’s hostel (for boys)
  • I gave it to my girl/boyfriend as she/he didn’t have a photo of mine
  • My friends and I were playing Frisbee with it and got thrown out of the window of my 6th floor classroom.
  • My ex flushed it down the toilet to get rid of my memories (yeah, my ex is a die hard Jab We Met fan)
  • I was sitting on the bank of the nullah and used my ID to create ripples in the water(??)
  • I gave it to a plastic surgeon to use my photo on the ID as a reference ( his clientele boasts of people like Rakhi Sawant, Pooja Bedi …. And so on)
  • I give it to a face reader to predict my future based on the photo on the ID
  • I gave it away as a visiting card
  • My uncle borrowed it to scratch his back
  • I gave it to my Dad so that he can remember for sure which class I’m studying in.
  • My mom gave it to the raddiwala as she had lost all hopes of me going to college!
  • My younger sibling used my ID as a rectangular stencil
  • I shoved my ID up on my friend’s mouth to shut her up.
  • I threw my ID thinking it was the Library card as I never ever in the 5 years of my college life used the Library and this year too I wasn’t going in for an aberration.
  • The Librarian took it to display it in the Library Hall Of Shame
  • I got lost in the pothole I was trying to prevent myself from drowning in.
  • I forgot it in the ATM Machine (I’m still wondering why any money didn’t come out??!!)
  • I was playing “Tommy Catch” with my dog using my ID and it got lost in the bushes
  • It got confiscated when I tried to enter another college with my ID of this college
  • I used my fee receipt as toilet paper in the morning(It was an EMERGENCY… I had to report for a 7 o clock lecture!!)
    (Asking the Watchman) Don’t you remember confiscating it last week for giving absurd excuses for not carrying the ID… shit man! Your memory sucks!!

    The best excuse would undoubtedly be : Here is my ID… Haha!!! I was just trying to humour you.( if the watchman shoots you, the author won’t be held responsible…. According to the disclaimer)

10 comments:

Rahul said...

Bravo! Bravo! Applause...

Other reasons that thou can put up..
"Was playing cards with my friends and a card went missing...we used my ID instead. And guess what the card was..no it wasn't the Queen of Hearts (wink wink)..it was the Jack of Spades!!" (look down!! A trench for you is dug! RIP)
OR
"M F Hussain borrowed it..Says 'Madhuri Dixit' isn't even a fragment of my charm (Say cheese)" (Good he ain't into abstarct art!)

Nupur said...

@Rahul: WOW!!! really nice ones!!!!

Nupur said...

@Rahul: Do you blog... would really love to read it!

Aanchal Bhugra said...

Sahi hai boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rahul said...

Na re no blog...the activity requires a lot of effort (phew)..and millions of brain cells should work at a time with trillions of permutations and combinations to come up with an idea creative enough..

guess, my work place emits some kinda gravitational force, get clinged to it endlessly (one of the stupid reasons i could come up with..)
plus, cannot juggle with words anyways..but
the fact remains am a disciple of the God of laziness (whoever he is, would like to meet him to compete ofcourse)...

But u write really swell!! keep the game on! chao!!

Nupur said...

@ rahul: You do have a way with words!! Just read ur comment n u'll kno wat m talkin about!! N well, you can't beatme in laziness!!

Rahul said...

hmm...we'll share the experiences on hyper-laziness some other time (m too lazy to recollect one n more right now!!) thanks a million/ton/gallon for your appreciation!!
but there is this friend of mine, before i forget(yeah yeah i m promoting his blog).. prnt.blogspot.com (highly recommended)..
swaying the subject to your recent post..one more way that helps you get away with listening to the professor's "heavy metal" music..is coming up with scientific names for him/her with the respective reasons for the same..also helps you remember complex botany & zoology names/abbreviations/chemical formulas etc & most important 'the subject which the professor advocates for'!!
take care!

Nupur said...

@Rahul: haha!!! I'll sure try this next lecture!! How did u come across my blog?

Rahul said...

Browsing through profiles (i guess i read it in your friend's profile, apparently she had encouraged yours!!)..but really kool..me find yours very contemperory style..something that drags me back to those fun college days!!

Nupur said...

@Rahul:Oh ... I see!